Happy Crack at school

[Parents! Get help here!]

Well this is a new one to me... my daughter got in trouble today for having "happy crack"... and what is it... red Kool-aid powder with sugar mixed in, in a bag... .  just like pixie stix. However the school has a policy against it.

Daughter asked exwife to get some Koolaid at store the other day... was up early and mixed it up, and then put the bag in her violin case and took it to school, had it and was talking about it, some kid overheard, and she got in trouble and got an in-school suspension. Apparently some kids snort it... she didn't.

So exwife is wondering what to do about it. I suggested a hard swat... to get her attention (taking things away from her and grounding her seem to have zero effect... never has.) She is a very smart girl, honor role... 6th grade... and almost never in trouble. Exwife thinks her "switch flipped" ... hormones have kicked in and she want to be part of the "in crowd" and have her first kiss from a boy, etc... so exwife is worrying about what to do.

Was going to take daughter skating tonight... its not happening, since she was suspended in school.

I think a swat and a boring lecture telling her to follow the school rules... even if they are ridiculous. (She could have had the Koolaid... as koolaid... no issue... so not having water was difference... but "happy crack" is in, and against rules.)

Any thoughts... I don't want my daughter getting in to drugs... don't think Kool aid is a conventional way to get there...

[charred]

Well this is a new one to me... my daughter got in trouble today for having "happy crack"... and what is it... red Kool-aid powder with sugar mixed in, in a bag... .  just like pixie stix. However the school has a policy against it.

Daughter asked exwife to get some Koolaid at store the other day... was up early and mixed it up, and then put the bag in her violin case and took it to school, had it and was talking about it, some kid overheard, and she got in trouble and got an in-school suspension. Apparently some kids snort it... she didn't.

So exwife is wondering what to do about it. I suggested a hard swat... to get her attention (taking things away from her and grounding her seem to have zero effect... never has.) She is a very smart girl, honor role... 6th grade... and almost never in trouble. Exwife thinks her "switch flipped" ... hormones have kicked in and she want to be part of the "in crowd" and have her first kiss from a boy, etc... so exwife is worrying about what to do.

Was going to take daughter skating tonight... its not happening, since she was suspended in school.

I think a swat and a boring lecture telling her to follow the school rules... even if they are ridiculous. (She could have had the Koolaid... as koolaid... no issue... so not having water was difference... but "happy crack" is in, and against rules.)

Any thoughts... I don't want my daughter getting in to drugs... don't think Kool aid is a conventional way to get there...

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[griz]

Hi Charred:

Sorry if I don't remember but is your daughter diagnosed with BPD?  What else is going on?  I am not a fan of swatting or boring lectures because I don't think boring lectures do much except bore them and I think swatting teaches them to solve their problems in an ineffective way.  What else has been going on?

Maybe sitting down with your daughter and finding out why she felt a need to participate in this "happy crack".

Griz

[charred]

Neither my daughter nor my exwife is BPD, my exgf is BPD. So why am I asking... .  because the advice has been very good here and it is so far off my radar/area of expertise. My exwife is primary caregiver, she has daughter this week, I have her this weekend, my exwife is at a loss of what to do.

Reason I think swat... is that my daughter doesn't seem to attach to stuff at all, take it away... so what. Ground her... it has little effect. I don't think the offense was a big one... and she is generally a good girl, honor role, in orchestra, team captain for her skating team... and I think it is a matter of wanting to fit in... be cool or whatever.

I know middle school kids go for this stuff... we did, they do. Exwife will talk to her, I have no doubt... she wanted to take away a big trip from her (summertime... way too far off to be good punishment) and already had me not take her skating tonight. So I am not seeing my daughter for a few days... but exwife is wanting advice and mine was give her a swat, tell her you are dissapointed with her behavior... that she needs to follow the school rules... if she wants koolaid, add water and no one cares... and after today go on as normal and see what happens. Daughter was sneaking around ... mixing sugar with the Koolaid, sneaking to school in her violin case... so it took planning and she knew it wasn't allowed or she wouldn't have sneaked.

Charred

[charred]

Oh... and the one person that would have good suggestions on it... my exBPDgf... who has been a grade school teacher for over 20 yrs and has an 8th grader son... but I am not going to ask her anything whatsoever. So to avoid that threat... .  hoped for some ideas/input.

[Thursday]

If your daughter isn't BPD and there aren't other issues with her behavior, I would say let her suffer the consequences that the school made, talk to her briefly about the need to follow rules (save that boring lecture for another time) and ask her what her thoughts are about why they have this rule, have her make up any work she misses from the in school suspension if they don't provide for that already and she doesn't get to do her stuff until the schoolwork is done.

Other than that, kids want to fit in, the kool-aid itself is pretty harmless but sneaking doesn't seem worthy of a swat. I really don't condone it for anything but understand you want to nip this behavior in the bud quickly. I won't be the only one that wants you to skip the swatting/spanking. Many people grow up fine without it!

Maybe liquid kool-aid really isn't all that "allowed" by the school, it's pretty messy and maybe the messiness and stickyness are what the school is concerned about. I think a kid without PD issues might easily see that it would create a big mess if allowed.

You think we parents of BPD kids have good parenting advice?  and  too.

A lot of us here feel pretty clueless sometimes but glad you think we rock!

Good luck. Give the kid a hug and tell her you love her despite how naughty she was being and maybe take a little extra special time with her this weekend.

thursday

[charred]

I have only given my daughter about 5 spankings ever... and it was always for the same kind of thing... she did something that she KNEW she wasn't supposed to do, had been told not to do it, and did it anyway. And it has been about 2 yrs between them... and usually just one swat on the backside. Currently there is a lot of "don't lay a hand on them" thought... and I have seen more disrespectful... kids that seemed like they should have been but were not ever spanked... .  but that is almost a whole different subject.

Talked to my mom, who taught middle school for 20 yrs... and she agreed with me on the swat... she knows her granddaughter and agrees... taking something away from her makes no difference, grounding her isn't very practical, with her schedule (I have her this weekend, she has extra-curricular activities that she needs to attend (like skate team practice) to keep being a responsible member of her team... so it will get her attention. Mom's concern wasn't that she did it... but that she sneaked around getting the stuff, sneaking to school... then possibly drawing attention to it to get caught... mom suggested talking to her and noting whether she took the in-school suspension as a punishment... or as a badge of honor. Assuming it wasn't a suspension that she was going for in all this... it should blow over if there wasn't more behind it.

[cfh]

Although the Koolaid itself may be harmless I would be concerned that the kids are snorting it.  Maybe you could find out from dd why some kids snort it.  She might give you some insight especially if she felt you were on her side.

That would be a red flag for me.

[charred]

I hope to hear from my exwife soon. I have been thinking about it... my daughter didn't snort it. She almost went out of her way to get caught. I think she may have thought it out. She got picked on a little last year, as she liked a boy and they rode the bus together. She doesn't get in trouble much at all... was hall monitor, safety patrol, had little buddies she tutored, etc. She had pixie stix around too, so she had to mix it up and take it for effect, as there is little difference in a pixie stick and Koolaid with sugar.  I was bugged that she did it on the sly, sneaking around. If she had been open about it and got in trouble, I might be arguing that the policy is stupid... .  need more info.

What is changing soon is she is getting braces, and every kid I know of would worry about getting picked on for wearing braces. She isn't likely to do something with sugar once she has them... .  knows its a no-no. But getting caught doing something that is currently popular (though kind of stupid)... and getting detention would put her in good with the middle school mentality ... .  then the braces might not lead to as much teasing... .  suspect it is something like that.

charred

[jellibeans]

Charred

I am confused by your post... .  your daughter is not BPD? There is always something kids care about that you can take away... .  does she have a phone? does she have makeup? Does she have a door on your room? There is always something that means something to them but the punishment has to fit the crime... .  seems like the school already punished her... .  I don't know if additional punishment is necessary. Maybe she should write a letter of apology to the principal?

[charred]

Wasn't trying to be confusing... .  she seems indifferent to most things, not a lot of attachment to objects... kind of glad. She takes most things we have done that typically gets to kids ... .  stoically. Nothing new... since about 3 she hasn't reacted to those deprivation things. She is a lot like a lawyer... hate to say it... she listens to the rules, gets them down, doesn't typically violate them... but will be very creative in attempting to skirt them at times and puts you in a spot by doing so. With the Koolaid she didn't ... .  she violated the rules clearly.

Heard from my exwife and she said the whole thing was bad judgment ... .  according to our daughter, and that the punishment my ex decided on, was for her to have permanent cat litter duty for their cats... instead of it rotating with other chores. The cats are mostly my daughters... and that is an interesting punishment... so she didn't get spanked, and didn't seem to have been purposely hoping to get detention, so she would be seen as cool/daring... .  so I am okay with the punishment.

My first take on it... being caught at school with Koolaid... is "so what"... but she is going against a school rule... not a good idea typically, and clealy was sneaking around to get Koolaid to take to school, and mixing sugar with it on the sly, then sneaking it in to school... .  and that type of behavior isn't something I will tolerate.

The middle school kids now learn about everything that happens at other schools from the Internet and their friends... .  and this "happy crack" thing appears to have been covered in a news article about someone selling the stuff to raise money for a cause and it resulting in a number of suspensions. The kids have been doing other things, eating lots of thunderhead candies, doing something with ice and salt that causes scars... and so far as I know this is the first thing she has done... .  and been caught doing. Its not a big deal... its more I wanted to have the right reaction to deal with it and not over or under react... .  she is 12... I am concerned as all parents are as to what will come up with her being a teen... .  that is what has been on my mind.