Hang on, it goes in circles, doesn't it?

[somuchlove]

You would think we would get use to this circle and yet "I" for sure get so caught up with it all, knowing it may pass and be better for a while, at least.  I believe it was 2 weeks ago when I posted how my dd text me saying she needed a place to live,  bf was mean, cruel , etc.  I tried to validate but didn't rescue as I wanted to .  I so worry, as we can't afford to help her move somewhere, anymore.  Now, today I became facebook friends with her again, she has sent me some darling pictures of our youngest gc.  I had text her that i missed them, etc.  kept it light.  then she sent a pic. i thanked her and told her it meant so much to me, didn't acknowledge her other comment about bf's, mom and "fat" sister, getting to see gchildren more all the time and it broke her heart I couldn't see the kids because we lived so far away.

Then I see on face book today, that she, bf, and boys are going snowboarding, life is soo good, she said,  etc.  Oh how I wish she could be this way all the time.  Wish she would get help, she has so much to be happy and thankful for.  Today I will cherish, tomorrow I will worry some more  and wait until the next time.  Hopefully, learning more and more how to deal which empowers me, to hopefully empower her to take charge of her own life, with my love and support, knowing I am there for her but only able to do what I can do .  It is a hard road to travel but just maybe the mountains get a little less harder to climb with more and more knowledge.  I know I will be on here again, panic, not knowing how to say something, scared.  But I have everyone here.  Thanks so much.   

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Reality]

somuchlove,

Good news for you and your daughter!

Your daughter is making her way.

Reality

[somuchlove]

For now anyway.  We all know how that goes.  Do you ever feel you are in the movie Ground Hog Day.   

[vivekananda]

somuchbest wishes,

The only way I can understand this is to say dd has a different reality... .  when I asked dd what the most important value for her was, she said 'family'. Not only has she done the extreme n/c with us, she has p***d off other family who have reached out to physically lend a hand when she asked - by not being there when they turned up to do the work on prearranged date!

so sad, so inexplicable,

Vivek    

[qcarolr]

somuchlove - hang on to these precious moments. Remember then when the next crisis period comes - to know that there is a window of better time ahead. I can use this reminder myself so very often  -  like when I come here to vent in distress one day, and be hopeful the next. Don't we feel like we cycle right along with our BPDkids? How do we jump out of this pattern?

The only way I can understand this is to say dd has a different reality... .  when I asked dd what the most important value for her was, she said 'family'. Not only has she done the extreme n/c with us, she has p***d off other family who have reached out to physically lend a hand when she asked - by not being there when they turned up to do the work on prearranged date!

so sad, so inexplicable,

Gotta agree with this. When my DD26 was living homeless this was one of her frequent statments - she needed us, we were family. And now, I can see how important we are even though she comes and goes so frequently. Physically here then not here, emotionally and mentally here then not here even when physically present. This is hard for gd7 sometimes. But I notice a kind of resilience growing in gd. An acceptance of the transient nature of her mom. And having dh and I here for loving safety and stability must help with this.

I can so understand the pain of those here with gkids that are too far away for frequent contact. Make the most of what you can - phone calls, visits, letters, cards, etc.  They do get this love from you.

qcr