Can a relationship be split black?

[wb1233]

My uBPDgf of 3 years told me that she needed to "let me go" and to "please let her go. I tried to convince her that our relationship was not all bad. Not me all bad. But from her perspective the relationship was all bad(black). Anyone else experience this?

[really]

Oh god yes.   Plenty of stories of that here.   Went from being my ex's Disney Prince to her worst nightmare... .  with no arguments in between.

When they split black they erase every good memory.   Their way of coping with what they have done / haven't done is to project.

Plenty of good articles on the web about splitting.   

It is a core element of the end of the drama in a BPD relationship.   I've been split blacker than black for a year.   Plenty of others here have as well.

[freshlySane]

Oh god yes.   Plenty of stories of that here.   Went from being my ex's Disney Prince to her worst nightmare... .  with no arguments in between.

When they split black they erase every good memory.   Their way of coping with what they have done / haven't done is to project.

Plenty of good articles on the web about splitting.   

It is a core element of the end of the drama in a BPD relationship.   I've been split blacker than black for a year.   Plenty of others here have as well.

is it forever?

[waitaminute]

I had heard an alternating story "without you I would have been lost" then "you destroyed my life" then back to the white. And she had a guy most of the time who she relied on because I was out of country. But I provided for her...    and he benefited. In our last time together she said "you saved not just one person, but two." Yet, after I said goodbye, I read again "you destroyed my life" followed by "I need you" followed by "you owe me compensation for all the time I spent reading your words of love"

Uh huh.

[freshlySane]

I had heard an alternating story "without you I would have been lost" then "you destroyed my life" then back to the white. And she had a guy most of the time who she relied on because I was out of country. But I provided for her...    and he benefited. In our last time together she said "you saved not just one person, but two." Yet, after I said goodbye, I read again "you destroyed my life" followed by "I need you" followed by "you owe me compensation for all the time I spent reading your words of love"

Uh huh.

pretty much i should stop caring about being split black white or orange because it all is just disorderd thinking and i need to provide for me?

[nylonsquid]

Haha. Yes. It (their perception) changes all the time. The way I think of it is, if I can believe I was the one true love for her then I better believe I was her abuser and never cared. Both are true in her eyes. So I believe I was an abuser as much as I was the love of her life. Is that love? I think it's distorted. I'm probably neither. But it was nice to be so needed

[Clearmind]

All good or all bad -  “Splitting” is a term that describes difficulty with the ability to hold opposing thoughts, feelings, or beliefs about oneself or others. In other words, positive and negative attributes of a person are not joined together into a cohesive set of beliefs.

It creates black and white thinking.

We can often be the persecutor to their feeling bad.

[BentNotBroken]

I had heard an alternating story "without you I would have been lost" then "you destroyed my life" then back to the white. And she had a guy most of the time who she relied on because I was out of country. But I provided for her...    and he benefited. In our last time together she said "you saved not just one person, but two." Yet, after I said goodbye, I read again "you destroyed my life" followed by "I need you" followed by "you owe me compensation for all the time I spent reading your words of love"

Uh huh.

pretty much i should stop caring about being split black white or orange because it all is just disorderd thinking and i need to provide for me?

Orange does not exit for a BPD. It is too much like a shade of gray. Black or white, those are the only choices. You are either the savior, or you ruined their life. No shade of gray. No color. Just Black or White.

My god, what a hellish way to live. My BPDex deserves every second of it.

My empathy well for her has run completely dry.

[BentNotBroken]

Haha. Yes. It (their perception) changes all the time. The way I think of it is, if I can believe I was the one true love for her then I better believe I was her abuser and never cared. Both are true in her eyes. So I believe I was an abuser as much as I was the love of her life. Is that love? I think it's distorted. I'm probably neither. But it was nice to be so needed

Both of the feelings are "true"* at the moment they are felt, but they are never felt at the same time.

*disclaimer: BPD feelings may not actually reflect true events, facts, behavior, times, places, and motives as the rest of the non-disordered people in the world would experience them. Your mileage may vary.