It's been a year. It's been quite a year.

[Depression = 72% of members]

I came here to this board 2/8/12. As my handle states... .  very broken.

We haven't seen each other for 4 mos. And I am actually quite fine with that. However, her latest tactic to engage me is to send  SPAM mail to our work email of all places. She dumped me 1/28/12. On on or around, the 28th I receive rogue emails. About fighting depression, joining various gyms, ghostwrite to her daughter as Santa , so forth and so on.  And sure enough yesterday, I received one on 4:21pm for 24fitness.  LOL.  Her BF left our employer so I don't have to deal with him any longer.  I got a good review and a raise.  I understand through the grapevine that he is thinking of leaving her. For good this time.

I have my eye on a new woman. I didn't think I could meet someone 'better'. Even if it doesn't progress... .  I am learning to detach a little more every day. I literally thought about the ex 10x's a min for the first 4-6 mos.  Don't get me wrong, I think in some ways she will be with me 'in spirit' for the rest of my life. As a cautionary tale. That's fine. i can accept that.  She really knew how to get to me. She missed out on a good man. Her self awareness is completely     ed.  As the haze lifts, I see that she wanted to change me for her benefit.

I come on these boards once and awhile. i know the pain you are all in. The craziness. The sickness. The great times and the good times and the What the heck? times. It 's my hope that she figure it out soon or she will die before she is 35 (28 now).  She is like a broken mirror. One that I thought i could fix... .  funny thing about mirrors is that you see yourself. It's up to you to fix you.

Mango and several others here were a godsend to me. Although, i wasn't always in the right state of mind (look me up, i have some rather interesting situations) . Things work out for the best. It will take time. It will take a lot less mental masturbation. Run away as far as you can... A friend said to me recently... .  bad relationships are like corpses, sure it's sick and even amusing awhile be near one ... .  but the further you are able to get away . The better.

Sure, I miss her at times. But what was I truly missing?  That is where I am at now. I pray that you will all have peace in your lives soon.

-34

[34broken]

I came here to this board 2/8/12. As my handle states... .  very broken.

We haven't seen each other for 4 mos. And I am actually quite fine with that. However, her latest tactic to engage me is to send  SPAM mail to our work email of all places. She dumped me 1/28/12. On on or around, the 28th I receive rogue emails. About fighting depression, joining various gyms, ghostwrite to her daughter as Santa , so forth and so on.  And sure enough yesterday, I received one on 4:21pm for 24fitness.  LOL.  Her BF left our employer so I don't have to deal with him any longer.  I got a good review and a raise.  I understand through the grapevine that he is thinking of leaving her. For good this time.

I have my eye on a new woman. I didn't think I could meet someone 'better'. Even if it doesn't progress... .  I am learning to detach a little more every day. I literally thought about the ex 10x's a min for the first 4-6 mos.  Don't get me wrong, I think in some ways she will be with me 'in spirit' for the rest of my life. As a cautionary tale. That's fine. i can accept that.  She really knew how to get to me. She missed out on a good man. Her self awareness is completely     ed.  As the haze lifts, I see that she wanted to change me for her benefit.

I come on these boards once and awhile. i know the pain you are all in. The craziness. The sickness. The great times and the good times and the What the heck? times. It 's my hope that she figure it out soon or she will die before she is 35 (28 now).  She is like a broken mirror. One that I thought i could fix... .  funny thing about mirrors is that you see yourself. It's up to you to fix you.

Mango and several others here were a godsend to me. Although, i wasn't always in the right state of mind (look me up, i have some rather interesting situations) . Things work out for the best. It will take time. It will take a lot less mental masturbation. Run away as far as you can... A friend said to me recently... .  bad relationships are like corpses, sure it's sick and even amusing awhile be near one ... .  but the further you are able to get away . The better.

Sure, I miss her at times. But what was I truly missing?  That is where I am at now. I pray that you will all have peace in your lives soon.

-34

[HarmKrakow]

I came here to this board 2/8/12. As my handle states... .  very broken.

We haven't seen each other for 4 mos. And I am actually quite fine with that. However, her latest tactic to engage me is to send  SPAM mail to our work email of all places. She dumped me 1/28/12. On on or around, the 28th I receive rogue emails. About fighting depression, joining various gyms, ghostwrite to her daughter as Santa , so forth and so on.  And sure enough yesterday, I received one on 4:21pm for 24fitness.  LOL.  Her BF left our employer so I don't have to deal with him any longer.  I got a good review and a raise.  I understand through the grapevine that he is thinking of leaving her. For good this time.

I have my eye on a new woman. I didn't think I could meet someone 'better'. Even if it doesn't progress... .  I am learning to detach a little more every day. I literally thought about the ex 10x's a min for the first 4-6 mos.  Don't get me wrong, I think in some ways she will be with me 'in spirit' for the rest of my life. As a cautionary tale. That's fine. i can accept that.  She really knew how to get to me. She missed out on a good man. Her self awareness is completely     ed.  As the haze lifts, I see that she wanted to change me for her benefit.

I come on these boards once and awhile. i know the pain you are all in. The craziness. The sickness. The great times and the good times and the What the heck? times. It 's my hope that she figure it out soon or she will die before she is 35 (28 now).  She is like a broken mirror. One that I thought i could fix... .  funny thing about mirrors is that you see yourself. It's up to you to fix you.

Mango and several others here were a godsend to me. Although, i wasn't always in the right state of mind (look me up, i have some rather interesting situations) . Things work out for the best. It will take time. It will take a lot less mental masturbation. Run away as far as you can... A friend said to me recently... .  bad relationships are like corpses, sure it's sick and even amusing awhile be near one ... .  but the further you are able to get away . The better.

Sure, I miss her at times. But what was I truly missing?  That is where I am at now. I pray that you will all have peace in your lives soon.

-34

Thank you for your post. It's always a pleasure to read about people's experience on how it was in the past, how you dealt with it and how do you feel right now. I seriously thank you for that although it might take a few months before you get back here! I will read up your stories in the beginning.

All the best to you and your life and that your life might as prosper as good as it can!

[real lady]

She missed out on a good man. Her self awareness is completely     ed.  As the haze lifts, I see that she wanted to change me for her benefit.

   Hi 34broken... .  so glad to see that YOU have grown and see yourself as you are rather than the projected image that she put on you; that seems to be the hard thing to shake when leaving a pwBPD... .  

One that I thought i could fix... .  funny thing about mirrors is that you see yourself. It's up to you to fix you.

   

Run away as far as you can... A friend said to me recently... .  bad relationships are like corpses, sure it's sick and even amusing awhile be near one ... .  but the further you are able to get away . The better.

And after awhile they start to decompose and STINK... .  I think that BPD are more like zombies... .  have the appearance of "being alive" but are just "walking dead"... .  sad.

Sure, I miss her at times. But what was I truly missing?  That is where I am at now. I pray that you will all have peace in your lives soon.

In relationships that I had ended, I MISSED the activities that we used to do together; mutual interests, music... .  with my son's father (ocpd/NPD) I can say that I don't miss anything; too controlling and not allowing "me to be me" so I don't miss him or "life" with him (if that is what it can be called) at all... .  

Life with uBPDso is like living a bad dream... .  a nightmare of sorts... .  but it is REAL... .  I learned that what I will truly miss is something that I THOUGHT WE HAD when it is all said and done.

Nice to hear from you and GOOD LUCK to you... .  you sound like you know yourself and what you want and WHAT YOU DESERVE... .  go for it.

btw, I had BLOCKED my ex's email so I wouldn't have to see them... .  it helped.