this woman knows how to ruin my life

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

guys... .  i have to vent a little here because i feel lousy.

you see my ex is a major pain in my rear. our daughter just started preschool. on her first day i approached my kids mom and asked if we could make a concrete routine. she told me when she needs my help. it floored me. she then told me she would need help in the new year. then i told her whatever. so the new year came and she gave me a list of dates to when she would need help. keep in mind i only took our daughter to school maybe twice and one time was a disaster for me, not because of our kid, but because of my lack of routine and practice, and then i always feel under pressure by my kids mom.

this morning I knew i should have just taken our kid to school, but she still had a little bit of a cold and congestion. i woke up late, so we both slept in. i decided that since her mom stays at home running a home daycare, whats the big deal? she's still kind of sick, she missed school on Wednesday, she outta just chill at home. but you know what she had three kids at home plus our kid, its just absurd hypocrisy and the one time that something happens rather than having breathing space she is up my butt. if i say anything i get the cold shoulder, the silent treatment, the I'm crazy and it just drives me nuts even more.

everyday i regret sleeping with this girl. it was a bad decision and i was fooled based on this external shell of who she said she was. she clearly is not. i can't stand the woman. i would not be around this woman if it were not for our daughter. and everyday this stuff happens it really makes me not want to go back. she is a piece of crap. and i will never judge dads for not being around in the future because now i completely get the BS. I get some dads will bail but at the end of the day why deal with some person you can't stand. And the law, I swear just traps guys even worse and makes dudes feel worse. you'd think you'd committed murder. so infuriating.

[Justadude]

guys... .  i have to vent a little here because i feel lousy.

you see my ex is a major pain in my rear. our daughter just started preschool. on her first day i approached my kids mom and asked if we could make a concrete routine. she told me when she needs my help. it floored me. she then told me she would need help in the new year. then i told her whatever. so the new year came and she gave me a list of dates to when she would need help. keep in mind i only took our daughter to school maybe twice and one time was a disaster for me, not because of our kid, but because of my lack of routine and practice, and then i always feel under pressure by my kids mom.

this morning I knew i should have just taken our kid to school, but she still had a little bit of a cold and congestion. i woke up late, so we both slept in. i decided that since her mom stays at home running a home daycare, whats the big deal? she's still kind of sick, she missed school on Wednesday, she outta just chill at home. but you know what she had three kids at home plus our kid, its just absurd hypocrisy and the one time that something happens rather than having breathing space she is up my butt. if i say anything i get the cold shoulder, the silent treatment, the I'm crazy and it just drives me nuts even more.

everyday i regret sleeping with this girl. it was a bad decision and i was fooled based on this external shell of who she said she was. she clearly is not. i can't stand the woman. i would not be around this woman if it were not for our daughter. and everyday this stuff happens it really makes me not want to go back. she is a piece of crap. and i will never judge dads for not being around in the future because now i completely get the BS. I get some dads will bail but at the end of the day why deal with some person you can't stand. And the law, I swear just traps guys even worse and makes dudes feel worse. you'd think you'd committed murder. so infuriating.

[Matt]

What's the living situation now - when your daughter is with you and when she is with her mom - and what's the legal situation now?

Sometimes a big step forward can be getting a court order to establish the schedule, so neither parent can jerk the other one around.

[tog]

I never understood how men could walk away from their children until I had the misfortune to get caught in this situation with my SO and his stbxw. To his credit, he has stuck it out, but I will never use the term "deadbeat dad" without knowing all the facts. Some of them, as I've heard it, are more "beat dead" than "deadbeat".

That being said, file for a clear court order giving you protected time with your daughter and joint custody.

[Justadude]

Tog: u nailed it. I cannot understand why any man would do such a thing but after going through constant agonizing bullcrap, I get that their are situations where it happens. The first one is one night stand and casual sex relationships. I get it. I'm not saying its right but I get it. Then there are just relationships that are not reconcilable and often just get worse. I get it.

Matt: We currently have a vague court order. Very minimal nothing specific. I see our daughter several times a week and because she's so little it makes sense. She's going to be 4 this year but dealing with her mom makes me want to jump off a bridge. I won't do that but it's just so negative to be around this woman. One minute she's cool and the next she's just a beep.

I know I have to go to court this year. I'm dreading the stress of it. The woman scares the heck out of me and drives me crazy. Point blank drives me insane.

[Matt]

A firm court order, with a very clear schedule, may be best for everyone.  Even if the schedule isn't what you prefer.

One key to minimizing the drama and the aggression from the other parent, is to minimize the contact you have with her, and end the games.  A more specific court order will make that possible.

How is your daughter doing?  When she's with you, does it go well?