Can you become addicted to these Boards?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi, my 20 year marriage is ending with my dBPDw and I am shattered, scared, depressed and missing her terribly. 

I find myself spending too many hours every day reading message boards on BPD, cheating spouses, recovering from codependency, etc.  I also read a lot of the recommended books.

It's been just two months since she detached emotionally, and two weeks since my suspicions were confirmed that there was another man. But before even this, I was on BPD boards hours every evening and sometimes during the day (just having found about about BPD about five months ago.)

I'm self employed and I'm falling way behind on work, but it seems the only relief I get from the pain is reading and occasionally posting.

Is this becoming an addiction?  Has anybody else had the same problem?

[Vinnie]

Hi, my 20 year marriage is ending with my dBPDw and I am shattered, scared, depressed and missing her terribly. 

I find myself spending too many hours every day reading message boards on BPD, cheating spouses, recovering from codependency, etc.  I also read a lot of the recommended books.

It's been just two months since she detached emotionally, and two weeks since my suspicions were confirmed that there was another man. But before even this, I was on BPD boards hours every evening and sometimes during the day (just having found about about BPD about five months ago.)

I'm self employed and I'm falling way behind on work, but it seems the only relief I get from the pain is reading and occasionally posting.

Is this becoming an addiction?  Has anybody else had the same problem?

[Mupetto]

Hey Vinnie,

I also sometimes think that these boards may be my new addition. They are a safe way to gather info and express oneself.

I read a lot, post sometimes. I find some posts help me to normalise an abnormal experience. Others give me a deeper understanding of BPD. I have started a couple of posts when I have recurrent thoughts about a particular issue or question. These can be dangerous because I seem to be in a hurry to see other people’s response. I don’t have an addictive nature but like you there is some relief here in the forums.

Don’t let it affect your work Vinnie. With a 20 year marriage ending that’s probably enough change for now. Do your work first they forum.

 

[tailspin]

Vinnie 

You are reaching out for comfort and to not feel so alone and that's ok.  You've been through alot and it's important not to isolate yourself right now.  Sometimes forums such as this can perpetuate our codependency but these bords also help us to find people who know how we feel.  And that's important too.

It's helpful to find a balance between what you think might be an obsession and what will also help you to heal.  You need time to find yourself again and while books and forums will guide you to this path of rediscovery they will only take you so far. 

Have the courage to let go of what may be holding you back right now.  Take comfort in knowing you are not alone.

tailspin

[Tausk]

Hey Vinnie:  Hang in there.  Two months is not a long time out, especially after 20 years of marriage.  I have to be careful not to use the boards to keep connected to my ex, or to focus away from myself, but instead as to use the board as a resource to learn about how to detach and how to take care of myself.

And remember learning how to take care of ourselves is very different from learning about BPD.  I only learn about BPD in order to learn how I became trapped in such a dysfunctional interaction, and how I can grow past the insanity and chaos and abuse and trauma.  

It takes time.  Also, as a suggestion, evaluate your depression level and if you need to seek medical help.  Inability to focus and low energy are obvious symptoms of depression.  Most of those of us on this side experience it while grieving.  And of course depression is a recognized stage of the grieving cycle.

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

SP