Proof that they can be better

[Foreverhopefull]

Yesterday I learned that my grand-father (whom I am extremely close too) was taken to the hospital for major respiratory problems.

The only thing I was thinking of is going to see him, but knowing my dBPDh hadn't been feeling good lately I was having mixed feelings about it all. Should I leave him alone? Will he feel abandoned that I'm taking care of someone else when he isn't well. So I called him.

I almost fell off my chair, as soon as I said grand-pa was at the ER, he asked if I was calling to get a ride or just telling him I was going to be with him. He put my feelings first.

He even called to get an update and when I came home, I had diner waiting for me and a great big hug with encouraging words. Then he sat there and listen to everything I had to say, my worries, etc. When I was done and asked about him... .  his reply was :"better now that you are here and I know grand-pa is in good hands".

It was great! It felt so nice. 

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[coworkerfriend]

That makes me smile.  Enjoy that feeling 

[crazymade]

I had a night like that too, Foreverhopefull. I also posted this morning. isn't that just the most awesome feeling in the world? It makes me feel good too.

What my question is, is how to keep encouraging it? My husband has said he is trying, and i gave him the validation he needed and said, yes you are and i'm very proud of you. Is there anything else we can do?

[Foreverhopefull]

I just said "Thanks for being here for me. It made me feel better."

I don't want to over exaggerate this. I don't want him to add anything to his, already never ending, list of things he does wrong.

I fear that if I express too many "cheers" that he did something good... .  (oh OK, great) that when he fails to be able to do so next time, he will add to his normal rant against himself that he can't even be there for me when I need it, that he's a looser, that he should just die so I can have the liberty of having someone better to care for me instead of me taking care of him, that he's the most ungrateful SOB for not taking care of me when I need him after all I do for him, etc., etc... .  you all heard a similar story. I'm sure.

So when he does something great, I mention it that very moment by saying thank you or how what he just did or say felt, then I let it go (but my head and heart keep gushing in private)