Seeing stb ex uBPDh tomorrow

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Last time I saw/spoke to him was in May, when after weeks of Marriage Counseling, he informed me that he had filed for divorce.  I then stated that this was it, no going back... .  "I don't ever want to see or speak to you ever again."  I stroked his face, and told him how much I had loved him, thanked our Therapist and walked out the door; I have stayed true to my promise, no calls, no e-mails... .  nothing, everything goes through the attorney.

However, my attorney wants me attend our Status Conference, with a possible follow up meeting after to begin discussions about a settlement.  I don't expect much... .  money started going missing two months after we married, he took 'work' trips (with other women), abandoned me in an unfinished house (purchased five months prior), animals, bills... .  a real mess.

My current stage bounces back and forth between relief, that my life does not revolve around him any longer, and anger. 

My attorney will do most, or all, of the talking, but my question is: As we meet, do I avoid his glances, do I look him straight in the eye, or be more casual and pretend we are best of friends?  How should one act/behave in this situation?  I'm fighting for what's rightfully mine, but want him out of my life.  And want to get through tomorrow as composed as possible.

Any thoughts?

Thanks,

CopingWith(Out)Him

[copingwithhim]

Last time I saw/spoke to him was in May, when after weeks of Marriage Counseling, he informed me that he had filed for divorce.  I then stated that this was it, no going back... .  "I don't ever want to see or speak to you ever again."  I stroked his face, and told him how much I had loved him, thanked our Therapist and walked out the door; I have stayed true to my promise, no calls, no e-mails... .  nothing, everything goes through the attorney.

However, my attorney wants me attend our Status Conference, with a possible follow up meeting after to begin discussions about a settlement.  I don't expect much... .  money started going missing two months after we married, he took 'work' trips (with other women), abandoned me in an unfinished house (purchased five months prior), animals, bills... .  a real mess.

My current stage bounces back and forth between relief, that my life does not revolve around him any longer, and anger. 

My attorney will do most, or all, of the talking, but my question is: As we meet, do I avoid his glances, do I look him straight in the eye, or be more casual and pretend we are best of friends?  How should one act/behave in this situation?  I'm fighting for what's rightfully mine, but want him out of my life.  And want to get through tomorrow as composed as possible.

Any thoughts?

Thanks,

CopingWith(Out)Him

[theodore]

As we meet, do I avoid his glances, do I look him straight in the eye, or be more casual and pretend we are best of friends?

I've done all of the above.  I don't know which one is preferable.  I would say do what you are most comfortable with, helps you reach your goal, and you won't regret your actions later.  Nut Job and I have another settlement conference later this month.  I won't pretend we are best of friends but I will treat her like a business associate, an adversarial one.

[ForeverDad]

I agree, be businesslike, keep the emotions out of it.  Don't expect him to do so, be prepared for almost any behavior, but don't feel compelled to allow or reciprocate any unwanted behaviors.

I agree to, view him as an adversary, he didn't have the marriage's interests at heart before, he won't now.  So beware of being nice thinking he will reciprocate, that's unlikely to happen and if it does it's for show or to get something.

You have the option too to request to be in a separate room, especially if he starts misbehaving.

He carries a "F.O.G." with him - Fear, Obligation, Guilt.  Don't be overwhelmed by it, intimidated, coerced or pressured.

[copingwithhim]

Theodore and ForeverDad,

Thank you so much for your support.  I'm really proud to say that during the court session, I kept my composure.  My stbxh was not able to do the same.  He darted around, hide behind walls and generally looked very anguished (at one point, it looked like he was about to cry).

We also work for the same company and my work load may be increasing (which I'm excited about), but it means that I may have to see him on occasion.  After getting through this court date, I know I'll be able to be professional at work.  I can do this! 

Thanks for the advice!

CopingWith(Out)Him