Parties

[kimberlysc]

Why are parties so difficult to have?  My 11 year old is the only one out of my 3 boys who will invite anyone over because h usually has mini rages over anything.  Today we have 6 extra boys for the night.  How can i make h understand that it is not ok to belittle his son and yell at him and say he is going to send the kids all home? 

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[Rockylove]

Geez... .  not a good situation! 

Can you expand a bit on what your h "mini rages" about?  Is there a way to have the party when your husband is engaged in some other activity?

I feel for you on this one... .  my 2nd ex was always anxious about my kids having people over... .  he had such a strong desire to be liked, but was so insecure that he'd start drinking and it was always a disaster (he's an alcoholic) as he would become drunk and irrational.  It was very difficult indeed.

[kimberlysc]

Rockylove- mini rages are what i call just short bursts of anger that he uses in thinking he will gain control of a situation.  There is no place else for him to go during parties... .  and he would rather be there being the center of attention.  Unfortunately i end up being the one that is liked resulting in h feeling left out.  Thats when thing go downhill.  He will start by telling me i never pay attention to him... .  listen to him... .  or do anything with him to draw my attention away from the guests... next anything that s12 or his friends do wrong (too noisy or wrestle) he then goes after s12 saying he should be in control of the kids he invited to the party... .  and that this is why he wants to die.  It all happens pretty quickly... .  and i figure i need to do something to prevent it... .  im just not sure what... .  and need suggestions... because s12 is a social butterfly with tons of friends.

[Rockylove]

... .  he would rather be there being the center of attention.  Unfortunately i end up being the one that is liked resulting in h feeling left out.  Thats when thing go downhill.  He will start by telling me i never pay attention to him... .  listen to him... .  or do anything with him to draw my attention away from the guests... .  

I think in this case I'd probably try letting the kids do their thing with minimal supervision if that's possible.  You and your hubby snuggle up and watch a movie and periodically check on the kids.  12 year olds can hold their own pretty well.

I hope someone has some good advise for you... .  I'm just offering what I would try... .  you never know~~it could work out really well!

[Go Fish]

You might have already thought of this, but maybe plan something at a neutral place like a pool or skating rink, or let your child entertain with a friend in a part of the house without you presiding. My h likes to say hello and do something in the background so it's not the same situation but I know a loud party would stress him out, so that's what we do. He can control himself around a group of kids but large groups at home are too much for us. I'd make another plan or let him leave during the party. I hope that's helpful.