Parenting advice

[Go Fish]

Hello,

Since I'm staying, I'll try this board... .  My D10 has taken up her uBPD Dad's tone of voice, rude remarks, and harsh criticism if something doesn't go her way. It really sets me off because it's a reminder of the emotional abuse that I have faced. He stopped or at least has diminished this behavior, but she thinks it's fine, or just wants to get to me. At other times

she is fine. She is fine in school and has friends but her behavior at home is often unacceptable. I know our situation wouldn't automatically lead to good behavior. There's a lot of stress and he drinks, though he's high-functioning.

I guess I'd just like advice on boundaries with children and how you are parenting while staying in the preteen and teen years. I don't think leaving would help.

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Jagged]

You and me, both, Go Fish. My D10 is very similarly taking on her uBPD-dad's personality and behaviours, and I plan on bringing it up with our GP at her next appointment.

I think part of it is normal, age appropriate behaviour (most preteens and early teens have a need for an attitude adjustment every now and then) but it needs to be nipped in the bud, fast.

If you are really concerned (as I am) then put her into counselling (as I hope to do). It may be a little different, as my D10 is into self harming now, not just a bad attitude with me.

I would say that for boundaries with her, what you should do is watch a few episodes of Super Nanny. She's fantastic, but I haven't seen her show on tv in a long time.

I understand, when you say something like "That's not how families speak to eachother" when in fact, it's how her father behaves, how can she possibly believe you? I struggle with this too.