What triggers by h after months of calm?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I don't post here too much, but I do come on here an read and learn and have gained so much knowledge from this wonderful site.

I've been trying lately to figure out what actually triggers my BPDh into one of his "moods".  I understand the lack of self esteem, the feelings of inadequacy, etc., but I'm thinking that there must be something even deeper than these things that cause his moods. 

My situation is that my h will go for months where everything is "normal".    He reacts to situations just as any of us would... .  he deals with his feelings, doesn't stay angry, etc. He doesn't rage, and can even laugh at himself

But then, seemingly to me to be out of the blue, he will go into a period of about two weeks where all his BPD traits emerge again.  Every little thing sets him off... .  he begins to blame everyone for everything, gets mad over basically nothing, and is generally just not happy.

And he completely acknowledges that he has BPD.  He admits that he can't trust his perception of situation sometimes, so he fully aware of his illness.

So I guess my question is this... .  in the months of calmness, is he keeping himself in check and working on dealing with his emotions OR during those months, is he just feeling good overall and things are just not triggering him?

And if things are not triggering him during those calm months, why not?  Why is the same situation at one point not a trigger, but then the almost exact same situation at another time become a HUGE deal to him?

Does anyone have an insight into this? 

[maryy16]

I don't post here too much, but I do come on here an read and learn and have gained so much knowledge from this wonderful site.

I've been trying lately to figure out what actually triggers my BPDh into one of his "moods".  I understand the lack of self esteem, the feelings of inadequacy, etc., but I'm thinking that there must be something even deeper than these things that cause his moods. 

My situation is that my h will go for months where everything is "normal".    He reacts to situations just as any of us would... .  he deals with his feelings, doesn't stay angry, etc. He doesn't rage, and can even laugh at himself

But then, seemingly to me to be out of the blue, he will go into a period of about two weeks where all his BPD traits emerge again.  Every little thing sets him off... .  he begins to blame everyone for everything, gets mad over basically nothing, and is generally just not happy.

And he completely acknowledges that he has BPD.  He admits that he can't trust his perception of situation sometimes, so he fully aware of his illness.

So I guess my question is this... .  in the months of calmness, is he keeping himself in check and working on dealing with his emotions OR during those months, is he just feeling good overall and things are just not triggering him?

And if things are not triggering him during those calm months, why not?  Why is the same situation at one point not a trigger, but then the almost exact same situation at another time become a HUGE deal to him?

Does anyone have an insight into this? 

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[Somewhere]

Dunno, a little ashamed to say my daughter (10 yo) has been tracking this like a weather map and is doing forecasting.  She has observed that Momma goes off the deep end about 2 to 3 times a year, and that matched my observations of when the household goes into crisis, as well.

So daughter has read the whole Pysch shelf at the school library, and came and told me that it most closely matched Bi-Polar or some aspects of Depression, and was/is predicting Mom will "crash" again in May when the trifecta of two of our kids birthdays align near Mother's Day.  Daugher was asking if she could postpone her own birthday so it would not hit during the stress crash.  Bless her little Co-Dependent Heart.   :'(

But daughter is correct, that any stress does or at least can trigger the crazy, but looking back, it would be hard to predict.  Moving is sometimes a crisis, but sometimes just being in a what is a scary (to her) place does as well. 

We used to live in the Deep Hood and that did not really seem to bother her.  When we got to a nice area, and the phoney socialite types would do the meet and greet -- that would make her crazy.

I would guess that it is some combo of Brain Chemistry (at the time) + the "Trigger," + maybe slipping a little from whatever coping mechanism (whether meds, AA, therapy, or whatever).  Slip on all three of those at once, and you/we are in crisis.