So... This Past Weekend

[mchris4Now]

Was a nightmare. I hate to go into details on this board, I really do, so can I just skim the surface and say that it was bad?

My SO struggles a lot and I SEE that, but I'm not always sure I can stand the aftermath. I want to cry. I want to curl up. I want to be there for my SO, but I'm not always sure how to be "there" for myself. I get warn out and I get tired.

This isn't a pity party. It's just me venting. I don't really have anywhere else to go other than here, as all of our friends and family would think I'm totally nuts - especially my family.

Depression. PTSD. BPD. Bi-Polar. You name it. My SO pretty much has it. I realize all of this sounds surface only, but I'm just not brave enough yet to completely vent. Thanks for accepting the baby steps.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[yeeter]

Share what you are comfortable sharing 4Now.

And welcome to the board.  We are here to listen.

I want to cry. I want to curl up. I want to be there for my SO, but I'm not always sure how to be "there" for myself. I get warn out and I get tired.

Yep, most of us have been at this point (and visit this place regularly even).  So... .  first word of advice - Take care of yourself!

There is a saying:  Put your own life vest on first.  Then help others.

First step is just to take a step back and 'stop making things worse', by disengaging when things start going crazy.  Set some boundaries and protect your own sense of person.

Keep your family and friends close.  You need them.  Use them.

Eat right.  Exercise.  Get some sleep.

Find at least one thing to go do that clears your mind and gives you peace.

From here you will be able to start picking yourself, dusting yourself off, and deciding what to do next.  But first is to recover some yourself.

[123Phoebe]

Hi mchris4Now,

I'm sorry your weekend was a nightmare   Was it abusive in any way?

I can relate to wanting to curl up and cry; I've been there and have done just that.  Feeling our emotions is a good thing, even if it doesn't seem like it.

Are you in any sort of therapy for yourself?  Someone to talk to and to get some of these thoughts and feelings out there?

I can also understand not feeling comfortable sharing a whole lot with us.    

We've all experienced some pretty intense stuff; we're not here to judge, but to help each other become stronger and better able to manage some of the things going on in our lives.

Just by being here you've taken a step in being there for yourself and we're here for you

[Cloudy Days]

I want to cry. I want to curl up. I want to be there for my SO, but I'm not always sure how to be "there" for myself. I get warn out and I get tired.

Depression. PTSD. BPD. Bi-Polar. You name it. My SO pretty much has it.

I have felt this way so many times. They drain every drop of sanity in your body until you just want to curl up in a ball and cry. Thankfully my husband has been in Therapy and is getting better but I still get to this place even when he is getting treatment. And my husband also has a list of disorders he's been diagnosed with. Like one isn't enough! Hang in there, this place is great for help. 

[mchris4Now]

Thanks.

Someone asked if there was abuse - its not always physical... .  sometimes grabbing or pushing, but nothing violent. I can usually handle it. It's the mental part that tears me down.

I always have to wonder if I have really done something or what I can change for the next time.

Some days are really, really bad. But the rest of the time my life is pretty ok. I'm always on edge, but I'm learning to handle that too. I can usually let things roll off my back but sometimes I get stuck - like now.

I just need to know that I'm not the only one - as sick as that sounds - that is in a situation like this. Reading other peoples stories helps more than I can tell you and there is good information in there, too.

[123Phoebe]

How are you feeling today mchris?  Do you feel safe?

Safety First

You are not the only one in a situation like this

It's very important not to accept abuse in any way shape or form (mental, spiritual, physical).  Sometimes we can become accustomed to it, normalizing it in a way, so that we really don't see the severity of it; Well, it was just a push, not a full out whack.  Grabbing me is no big deal, who am I to say anything about that when I've done it too... .  If I hadn't of said such and such, it wouldn't have happened... .  '   That sort of thing :'(  Then we start to question ourselves and begin to think that it's us that are overreacting.

Abuse is never okay.  It escalates. 

Someone asked if there was abuse - its not always physical... .  sometimes grabbing or pushing, but nothing violent. I can usually handle it. It's the mental part that tears me down.

I always have to wonder if I have really done something or what I can change for the next time.

Please put a safety plan into place.  Talk with a DV counselor to get good solid advice from someone who is trained in this sort of dynamic.  There will be a next time, unfortunately.  And the next time might be worse than grabbing and pushing.

You deserve to feel safe and secure, please believe this