D2 can't sleep

[nowheretogo]

I have a new issue in the house on top of everything else lately.  For the past couple of weeks or so, D2 has suddenly started waking anywhere between 4 and 6 am (previously more like between 7 and 8 am pretty regularly for several months).  This is all right after a week of being ill, potty training herself, and getting moved into a toddler bed.  And of course there is always "civil unrest" in our house.  She is also getting 2 year molars.  Sometimes I think she may be having bad dreams because she says "scared" and "guy" (usually what she says when she sees something that looks like a monster).  The waking is not much of an issue for me.  I wake up around these times anyway to get me and S7 ready for work/school.  But H is constantly throwing fits about it, almost every am, yelling at her and me, about how it's my fault, I always give her what she wants, it's unfair to "everyone else in the house who is trying to sleep", slamming doors, etc.  She seems to be waking earlier and earlier.  She also wakes crying in the middle of the night a couple of times, requiring me to rock her and put her back to bed.  The mid night wakenings are not new, but do seem increased in frequency.  She also has started refusing to go back into her bed sometime in the after midnight hours and sleeps in the bed with me for an hour or two before waking for the final time and insisting on going downstairs, eating, watching tv, etc.  She also requires me to lay down next to her at bedtime until she sleeps, which usually takes almost an hour.  I am not sure how long that has been going on for, maybe a few months, but always went to bed on her own prior to that.  Again, not a problem to ride this/these issues out as far as I am concerned.  I am a little worried about reversing some of this, though.  I am looking for advice as far as handling H with regard to this.  So far, I am doing my best to just silently press forward and ignore his rages.  But I also wouln't mind suggestions on things to try to attempt to improve her sleeping issues.  Any help is much appreciated, thank you!

[nowheretogo]

I realize this seems/is off topic, but the background is that H and I are going through a divorce.  He refuses to move out.  We have a divorce master hearing scheduled for March 1st, but I am hoping to reach a financial settlement before then.  I understand if this needs to be moved to a different board.

[catnap]

www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/sleep/issues/

www.webmd.com/parenting/guide/tackling-toddler-sleep-problems?page=2

www.babysleepsite.com/tag/2-year-old-sleep-problems/

If H knew this was fairly common around age 2 for this to occur (according to the above articles potty training, new bed, recent illness and JUST her age alone) would that help?  Perhaps a visit to her pediatrician with H might prove effective if he hears it from them?

[nowheretogo]

Not to be defeatist, but I'm not sure anything helps with him.  On a more positive note, she slept through the night last night and was still asleep at 630 this morning when I  left for work!

[livednlearned]

S11 is like an emotional sponge. I look back at his sleeping issues, bedwetting, stomachaches, and it's so obvious now that he was a bundle of anxiety and worry. I thought I was protecting him from what was going on, but nothing got by that kid. He could feel the tension in me, and it affected him. If I worried, he worried. 

Where are you sleeping right now?

[nowheretogo]

I lay down on the floor with D2 and usu fall asleep with her for a couple of hours, then get up and usu sleep in the bed.  H usu sleeps on couch lately, but gets up and into (king size) bed later in middle of night. 

[livednlearned]

So D2 knows you were there when she fell asleep, and then when she wakes, you're gone.

Maybe if you told her, when she falls asleep -- I'm going to be here while you fall asleep, and then when you're sleeping, I'm going to sleep in my big comfy bed, and then I'll have a good sleep. Then we can see each other in the morning when we're nice and rested.

She's probably aware that people (who argue and yell) are moving around while she's sleeping, and she needs some reassurance that things are ok.

[nowheretogo]

well, I did have a short discussion about her staying in her bed last night.  I have been laying next to her until she sleeps for probably a few months now, so that didn't change.  And usually after I get up, I go straight to bed.  Most of the chaos actually occurs before the kids make it to bed.

[stuckinbetween]

Your D2 is still preverbal and at a vulnerable age for attachment/trust issues to develop.  It's hard because she can't yet express herself in words, only in her behavior.  Expect her to regress a bit developmentally; she will act younger than her chronological age. Treat her according to her emotional, not chronological age for the present.  Definitely go the extra mile for her in providing the physical and emotional security she needs, including staying with her until she falls asleep.  It's more critical to have her feel safe right now, than worry about her sleep independance.  You can pick that up again later.  Same for potty training---reduce the expectations.  Any progress being made in getting your h to leave?  Would he be willing to see a child psycholigist with you so he understands the impact the hostile environment is having on a vulnerable 2 yr. old?

I can tell how hard this is for you.  It's difficult enough without being physically exhausted.  If it were me and verbal assurances were not working, I'd let her sleep in my bed (when she wakes up) for now if it works to calm her down. Unless h's presence upsets her. It's how most cultures do it.

Stuckinbetween