Newbie to Group

[WoundedSpirit]

 

  I am a 48 year old woman whose mother has not been diagnosed with BPD.  I am trying to navigate with mom's issues all my life.  It is only within the last 5 years that I have found that she fits most of the symptoms.  I lost my step dad 7 years ago to cancer, and I feel this may have prompted her symptoms to worsen.  We then lost my brother to a motorcycle accident in June of 2008.  My husband and I were living with her until July of 2009, at which point we left under extreme fear and duress! (please note that my husband and I moved here in May of 2007, which is why we were living with my mom in the first place, and we had no idea of how bad her symptoms were!)  I am hoping (and my husband is hoping) that I can find some peace, knowledge, understanding, and assistance in dealing with this sad situation.  I do love my mother, and she is going to be 70 in November.  We are currently not speaking, and I am soo afraid and confused of walking away from her, and ultimately fighting with my surving brother, his wife, and my aunts (mom's sisters).  I do have a great relationship with my deceased brothers, widow, however, she is in the same boat as me, so to speak, and it is difficult to always be on the same page to agree on coping/dealing with my mom.  Also, for me and my husband of 10 years! HELP I am feeling very sad and lonely! thank you all for your assistance! 

[Being Mindful]

Dear Wounded,



Glad you found us but so sorry to hear of your struggles. BPD is a horrible illness for those who suffer with it as well as those people in relationships with them. Just like you describe, it can worsen with different triggers, and it definitely can cause the best of relationships, even mother daughter ones to have great difficulty.

The good news is that you are not alone. This site can provide a great amount of support in learning about BPD, and also gaining insight into how to better communicate with your mom. Everyone here provides great support to one another. There is hope amongst all the crazy and chaos!

Here is a link that I found to be very helpful in understanding BPD:

Video-What is Borderline Personality Disorder?

If you are comfortable, what is the most difficult thing right now with your mom?

I hope you keep reading and posting. There is much care here for you.

Being Mindful

[livednlearned]

Hi WoundedSpirit,



Like Being Mindful said, BPD is so hard, not only for people suffering from it, but from people who are in relationships with them. It sounds like your mom has suffered some devastating losses, and that has made it so much harder for her, as it would for anyone not suffering from BPD.

I do think that learning about BPD, and learning about ourselves does lead to peace, knowledge, understanding, and assistance -- there are many members here who can identify with what you're experiencing, and so many tools that really do make a difference. I'm also so glad to hear that you have a husband to help support you, and your SIL.

It sounds like you were experiencing a lot of stress and fear -- are you doing ok now?