Warning sign?

[Depression = 72% of members]

This morning, my S4 wet the bed.  I neglected to send him to the bathroom before he went to sleep last night, and he avoids going to the bathroom because he'd rather be doing other things.  I just cleaned it up and put him in the bathtub, but S4 was insisting that I admit that it was "my fault" that he wet the bed because I didn't make him hit the bathroom before bed.  He would not take any responsibility for the incident.  It felt sadly familiar, because my uBPDh is obsessed with fault and making sure that everyone else (mostly me) is to blame for all problems.  I told my S4 that it didn't matter whose fault it was, these things happen, and we'll just clean it up together.  He seemed to accept that.

Maybe I'm just obsessing but should I be concerned that my son is developing BPD-type symptoms?  Or is he modeling his father's behavior perhaps?  Or maybe it's just that pwBPD behave like preschoolers?

  Daylily

[daylily]

This morning, my S4 wet the bed.  I neglected to send him to the bathroom before he went to sleep last night, and he avoids going to the bathroom because he'd rather be doing other things.  I just cleaned it up and put him in the bathtub, but S4 was insisting that I admit that it was "my fault" that he wet the bed because I didn't make him hit the bathroom before bed.  He would not take any responsibility for the incident.  It felt sadly familiar, because my uBPDh is obsessed with fault and making sure that everyone else (mostly me) is to blame for all problems.  I told my S4 that it didn't matter whose fault it was, these things happen, and we'll just clean it up together.  He seemed to accept that.

Maybe I'm just obsessing but should I be concerned that my son is developing BPD-type symptoms?  Or is he modeling his father's behavior perhaps?  Or maybe it's just that pwBPD behave like preschoolers?

  Daylily

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[dawnjd]

LOL, I am not laughing at you, I am laughing at the fact I saw my nephew do similar things and my son getting to that stage. I think it is that stage of growth where blame, fault, punishment and understanding all collide! Having a father as a BPD doesn't help, but as long as you ease your son through the rights and wrongs of the situation, he will learn. I think you handled it perfectly! Having him help clean, I think is important too... .  teaches that making mistakes has consequences!

I am still laughing. I remember my 4 year old nephew missing the toilet and was insistent that it was his dads fault! ,  

[yeeter]

Hi Lily,

My S8 does some things that I worry about as well. 

Some of the descriptions of BPD is that the person Quits developing emotionally past that of a 5 - 8 year old.

So what this means, is that the typically child DOES have BPD traits.  And that's NORMAL and as it should be!  (because they ARE a child)

The key is to nurture and guide him through it in a way that he can help manage his own emotions.  The same tools work (validation, SET, et al) on children as well.  Consider yourself armed with more parenting skills to work with... .