Giving up?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I am frustrated, angry and tired.

My SO is supposed to write a purpose letter for several universities in Europe for a doctorate degree.

She believes she can't do it. She tried writing it but hasn't been able to.

She believes she can't do a PhD either. She believes that she is too unwell.

She doesn't want to see her psychologist again (who she quit seeing six months ago) because it's "too expensive" for her parents as they've just paid for her dentist appointments, yet she's okay with her unused gym-membership (which her dad also pays for) because her weight is a problem.

You claim to be too ill to do it, yet you force yourself, and you don't want help, but you want everyone to be able to understand your pain.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

She's driving me crazy.

I hold my tongue because if I don't I'm just going to spit out "Grow up! you are not a baby that needs to be given attention to every 5th second. We all have stuff to go through, now get some ovaries"

</venting>

Anyone else had this problem with their SO and knows how to deal? I've tried validating her but she's just stuck.

[starcrossed]

I am frustrated, angry and tired.

My SO is supposed to write a purpose letter for several universities in Europe for a doctorate degree.

She believes she can't do it. She tried writing it but hasn't been able to.

She believes she can't do a PhD either. She believes that she is too unwell.

She doesn't want to see her psychologist again (who she quit seeing six months ago) because it's "too expensive" for her parents as they've just paid for her dentist appointments, yet she's okay with her unused gym-membership (which her dad also pays for) because her weight is a problem.

You claim to be too ill to do it, yet you force yourself, and you don't want help, but you want everyone to be able to understand your pain.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

She's driving me crazy.

I hold my tongue because if I don't I'm just going to spit out "Grow up! you are not a baby that needs to be given attention to every 5th second. We all have stuff to go through, now get some ovaries"

</venting>

Anyone else had this problem with their SO and knows how to deal? I've tried validating her but she's just stuck.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[starcrossed]

And we just fought. She recollected something I said in a way I hadn't at all. And I just couldn't deal with her BS. It ended with her turning off Skype.

It seems like our great fights may be related to her menstrual cycle. At least the last 3 months it's been around the 16-17th that we've fought.

[Grey Kitty]

It is good to come here and vent. If you've already said it, it is easier to bite your tongue when you are talking to her.

I know PMS / menopause seemed to correlate with our worst fights as well. Not much you can do about it other than be expecting it, and try to do extra validation before that time of the month.

It sounds like she wants someone to care about her, not fix her. That is pretty normal for women, with or without BPD.

Can you let go of her inability to write a purpose letter? It isn't your failure, it is hers.

[starcrossed]

I guess I need to be extra cautious around this time of month.

I do care for her, she just seems to forget all of the moments where I daily acknowledge her feelings and express my care for her.

I don't expect her to write it. She's the one who believes she can't but keeps forcing herself to do it. I wish I could convince her to give it up and focus on getting help, or continue trying without believing it'll end badly anyways.

[Grey Kitty]

Have you been around here long enough to read the lessons? (found in the right sidebar)

The one on how to stop invalidating your partner might be a good place to start. Either that or the long series on understanding your partner's behaviors.