Am I insain or is this projection

[Depression = 72% of members]

Tongiht I tried to offer one last white flag to my uBPDw as we are in the middle of a divorce.  She won't even listen because I'm the one that filed for divorce.  She says I was unreasonable and I had no reason to file.  Let me tell you the reasons and see if I had a reason or if this is just projection on her part.  First of all about 6 months ago she said she wasn't in love with me and hasn't been for years and has resented me for years. She changed in the last 4 months.  I found out she was texting this guy 4,000 times a month.  She lied about who he was, where they met, was hidding her phone, lied that she quit texting him when I found out.  Every time I would confront her she would lie about it.  She said they only met the one time - but I have my doubts about that.  She said they are just friends.  She chose to continue texting him over her family but now I'm the bad guy.  The last 6 months she was telling me - I don't know who I am, I don't even feel love for the girls at times, I can't find God, I can't reach out to our friends because they are in a fog, the list goes on and on - but you get the point.  Was I wrong for filing - or is this just projection.  There is alot more to the story but I wanted to keep this semi brief.

[cal644]

Tongiht I tried to offer one last white flag to my uBPDw as we are in the middle of a divorce.  She won't even listen because I'm the one that filed for divorce.  She says I was unreasonable and I had no reason to file.  Let me tell you the reasons and see if I had a reason or if this is just projection on her part.  First of all about 6 months ago she said she wasn't in love with me and hasn't been for years and has resented me for years. She changed in the last 4 months.  I found out she was texting this guy 4,000 times a month.  She lied about who he was, where they met, was hidding her phone, lied that she quit texting him when I found out.  Every time I would confront her she would lie about it.  She said they only met the one time - but I have my doubts about that.  She said they are just friends.  She chose to continue texting him over her family but now I'm the bad guy.  The last 6 months she was telling me - I don't know who I am, I don't even feel love for the girls at times, I can't find God, I can't reach out to our friends because they are in a fog, the list goes on and on - but you get the point.  Was I wrong for filing - or is this just projection.  There is alot more to the story but I wanted to keep this semi brief.

[Take2]

4,000 times a MONTH?   with someone that she lied about who is he and how they met?

No one would say this isn't ridiculously questionable.

But whether or not that is behavior that YOU feel comfortable with is something that only YOU can answer. 

No doubt there is more to the story.  And I'm not judging you or her. 

Just confirming for you that YES that is outrageously questionable behavior on her part.  As is meeting up with this person she is/was texting.  As is not being able to feel love for her children/you... .  etc.

No, you aren't being unreasonable if this is not the way you want to live your life!

[cal644]

Thanks - that is my thought too.  I had an ex girlfriend email me once when my brother had cancer to see how he was doing.  She flew off her handle over that - but yet since this is her - everything should be fine and it's my fault for filing.  Lot more to the story - but just wanted to make sure I wasnt crazy.

[Take2]

I totally understand the ex flipping out over normal contact from an ex or just another member of the opposite sex regardless of how innocent the circumstances.

Its not fair of her, its not normal in a healthy relationship and its not making you happy.

You have to do what is right to provide a healthy,  happy environment for your children and yourself.  Obviously your kids come first,  but you too deserve to be treated with respect and love and kindness.