She came back once before so...

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My DBPD ex-wife left me once before.  It was several years ago, and only for six weeks.  She moved in with a single dad and his 2 autistic daughters.  Then she caught him emailing a friend about how he had this woman who idolized him and was a real sucker.  When she confronted him with this info., he threatened her life for violating his privacy.  I took her back.  Perhaps I shouldn't have, because I'm living the pain all over again.  But I'm also thinking that she came back before so maybe she will again.

 

[Scott44]

My DBPD ex-wife left me once before.  It was several years ago, and only for six weeks.  She moved in with a single dad and his 2 autistic daughters.  Then she caught him emailing a friend about how he had this woman who idolized him and was a real sucker.  When she confronted him with this info., he threatened her life for violating his privacy.  I took her back.  Perhaps I shouldn't have, because I'm living the pain all over again.  But I'm also thinking that she came back before so maybe she will again.

 

[trouble11]

Then she caught him emailing a friend about how he had this woman who idolized him and was a real sucker.  When she confronted him with this info., he threatened her life for violating his privacy. 

 

Maybe I've become jaded and cynical, but does this sound right to you?  Maybe it is, but it rings of something made up by a BPD mind.  I know that doesn't help what your going through at the moment, but REALLY looking at some of the things mine said, made the break up SLIGHTLY easier for me.  Just saying ... .   

[Scott44]

You may be right.  She certainly does make up things or at least exaggerates them wildly.

[whatarideout]

  But I'm also thinking that she came back before so maybe she will again.

you know why people "come back" again?

because we allow them to.

you allow her back in your life because the pain of being with her, is easier than the pain of being without her.

the problem is, when we choose the lesser pain and play it "safe", we give our power away to someone else.

when choosing which pain to suffer from, try picking the one that leads to you having possession of your power.

[Clearmind]

Scott, I agree you need to hold power here and not her. This is how we move from victim to thriver.

If you allow it then what?

If you don't allow then what?

Victim: Alone

Survivor: Seeking help

Thriver: Oneness

Victim: Uses outer world to hide from self

Survivor: Stays with emotional pain

Thriver: Understands that emotional pain will pass & brings new insights

From Victim to Survivor to Thriver

[almost789]

Thats true, whatarideout. I remember speaking those exact words to my BPD! It hurts more to leave than to stay. However, if one can manage to stay disconnected and trully detach, this statement becomes false. For me, it now hurts more to stay than to leave.

[Scott44]

Thanks everyone.  I hope someday I will feel that way, that it hurts more to stay than to leave.  Right now, being without her hurts more than I ever thought possible.