Tired and sad

[SoftLanding]

and in need of affection that I will apparently never be able to get.  How does one ask for something as necessary as attention and affection when it is taken as an attack every single time?  The more I try to attain it, the further away it slips.  I've found this to be true in other areas as well.  He's a musician that hasn't picked up his instrument in a while.  The more I try to encourage him to do so, for the simple fact that I love hearing him play, the less likely it is to happen.  Any tiny disagreement has the possibility for spiraling into a break up situation. I've seen it happen.  I don't feel secure to let him know my needs and I'm really beginning to feel worthless & hopeless. I guess I'm still totally in denial even though I've been doing the lessons and decided I would go for full acceptance.  I've gone a long fine for months, but I'm feeling a little needy since Valentine's Day.  In spirit of the holiday I just wanted a hug and a kiss and got denied. It's been downhill ever since.  He thinks I'm abnormal because I stomped away in anger. bah!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[justme402]

It can definitely be difficult. Try looking at this book:

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & ... .  Tolerance (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) - Matthew McKay; Paperback

and also - and this one is one of the best -

Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder: How to Keep Out-of-Control Emotions from Destroying Your Relationship

Shari Y. Manning PhD, Marsha M. Linehan PhD ABPP

[123Phoebe]

Hi SoftLanding,

Have you had a chance to look over some of the Communication Tools, like SET and DEARMAN?  They could really help.  Also, knowing when to detach with love, taking a step back before things escalate into 'breakup' territory.

It takes a while to learn how to use our newfound tools, but once we do it's like using a power drill as opposed to a screwdriver for getting a hard job done

[SoftLanding]

Thanks for the suggestions justme402 and 123Phoebe.  Appreciate it!

Haven't looked at SET and DEARMAN yet, but will.  I've been stuck on JADE and it has worked pretty well so far... .  but I feel so unexpressed and door mattish.

I have the book by Matthew McKay and have read some, but will make it a point to finish it.