Offer from BPDXH to buy out my portion of our house- take it or haggle?

[JDoe]

Hello, Friends!  I am 2 years out of my 20 yr r/s with BPDXH, and NC.  :)ivorce was final June, 2012.  He has been living in our home and making the mortgage payments while it is up for sale.  The market being poor and him being BPD have both kept it from selling.  He has refused to allow it to be shown a few times, and makes things generally difficult for our female realtor- not answering the phone, so she has to leave a message, then calling her back during off hours and leaving a message back; he also won't give her a key, and leaves the house open for her to show (supposedly.  I know he is lurking somewhere, watching- he used to yell at me for walking in to the back yard without locking the front door  ).  Seems he's comfy there with the 8 cats.  

This would be fine with me, but I want it sold and the equity split, as we both agreed on in the final divorce orders.  It's been on the market since last May with not a single offer and only 4 showings. And the price just got lowered.  Again.

The realtor called me last evening and said that XH had given her an offer to present to me.  It's a handwritten math equation, basically.  He estimates that the house could sell for $XX,XXX, then subtracts the 6.5% realtor's fee, the amount still due on the mortgage, and then lists out the 60/40% split that I had agreed on to get him to finalize the divorce (bear in mind that he substituted rubbish for about 1/4 of my belongings that he agreed in the papers to hand over).  He goes on to say that I can buy him out for the 60% or he will buy me out for the 40% (rounded down by several hundred dollars  .

My question to you is this: Do I take the deal?  Obviously with firm stipulations (proof of refinancing in his name alone, a certified bank check, etc).  Or do I say that I will allow him to buy me out for $XX,XXX amount (only about $1K higher, but a nice, round number)?

Hard not to jump at the carrot he dangles, but it would be more fair if it was bigger, since I know he has NO intention of selling the house, so no need to figure in the realtor's fee, etc.  And, of course, he is STILL trying to manipulate.  The realtor actually feels sorry for him.  She said last evening "He seems so much better than he was, I just want to help him."  

[tog]

Do you want to make him be "fair" or do you want to cut all ties with him?

If I were in your shoes, I'd agree provided it was above board and walk away. Let him think he "won". Who really won? YOU. If it were $20,000, maybe not, but $1K? Buh-bye.

But that's just me. You have to decide what's best for you.

[ForeverDad]

Hmm, he deducted 6.5% for the realtor fee?  And in all this time he's only allowed 4 showings and it hasn't sold?  Methinks she probably won't receive that much.  Wanna bet he's got 6.5% on that scrap of paper but in the end she'll be getting far less?

I'm sort of uncomfortable with her being the intermediary.  He's got her conned of course.  Even if he wrote a check to her for the full percentage he quoted, which is doubtful, what's to stop them from 'renegotiating' and giving him a refund of the difference?  Collusion in the form of accepting less than stated percentage is possible, but likely not proveable.

[seeking balance]

In my state the realtor fees legally cannot be considered as a deduction in the offer if one party is staying in the house.  That being said, you are going to pay this either way, so - why not just take the deal.  Like Tog said, it is only $1,000 - which is less than having to go back to court if the house doesn't sell and he decides to move out.

If I were you, I would have him prove he can purchase it - preapproval letter or something from lender that states it is possible to purchase on his income alone.  If he produces this, then I would accept with a 3 month window to close the deal.   Anything after 3 months receives interest at 7% on the money owed. This is a reasonable timeline and gives him incentive not to drag it out.

[JDoe]

You all have very good points!  As do my trusted real-life advisors- family and a couple of close friends.

XH nullified the agreement by not keeping his part at all.  So the 60/40% ship sailed.  And he never did anything to fix the house up for selling, nor participated in getting it sold.  

It has been suggested that I write out the needed repairs, as well as the list of belongings that he did not give me, and add that to the amount of a counter-offer.  And ANY agreement will be based on his ability to obtain financing on his own, and PROVE it.

I agree that the realtor should not be used as the go-between.  But my L was pretty useless to gain any cooperation, as was XH's L, his fault, I know.  She has fallen for his "poor me" act, hook, line, and sinker.  Even though in the early days, I shared with her some of what I had been through, to explain why I would not meet or talk with H, and she told me about her abusive XH and seemed sympathetic to me.

And I do not, for one minute, think that XH is being above-board with his offer.  Either he does not intend to sell the house (which is what my gut says), or he will wait until the current contract runs out and sell it himself, keeping all of the profit.  I have NEVER seen him do what he says he will.  EVER.

He ultimately "lost" when I left 2 years ago.  It is a bitter pill to swallow letting him get away with a paltry sum.  Of course, he could stall things for years and I could get hit by a bus and not get anything out of it.  

My mind is still evenly split on what to do.

[ForeverDad]

How about getting a better attorney and also include the added legal fees?  If it's just financial issues, it will at least not involve custody which can get even more expensive and time-consuming.

The longer you wait, the more he gains.  Currently he's surrounded by enablers.  Get a no-nonsense lawyer who will put some teeth into court and any court actions.

And don't shoulder the responsibility to sell it unless he's O-U-T.

However, keep in mind the possibility that before he walks out of the house that one last time he may leave the house vandalized, the faucets running, windows open, heat on, a/c on, every remaining electrical device on, etc.  With this guy anything can and will happen.  Any court order you seek needs to have every possible misdeed accounted for with appropriate consequences. 

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

[JDoe]

That idea merits consideration, ForeverDad.  XH is clever enough and slick enough to have avoided any consequences for his behavior, thus far.  I truly have a hard time believing that any one or any thing, including a court judgement, could make him do anything he does not wish to do. 

Did I tell you guys that his interaction-history/style with his L got the magistrate to excuse him from attending the final divorce hearing?  That's how good he is at manipulation and playing the victim. 

At least I am choosing to live happily ever after- truly the best revenge.

[theodore]

I've heard it said that we win only by losing as quickly as possible.  He'll be more likely to follow through if he believes he is getting the better deal. 

[JDoe]

True that, Theodore!

Been thinking and praying on this for about 21 hours now and decided to go talk to the realtor after work today.  I do not want to put anything in writing to give to her, as I know how XH's mind works and he would consider that a "binding document."  So, what I plan to say to her is that I need to have verifiable proof that he is capable of refinancing on his own.   Then, the sale price, if any, of the house is not really relevant to our discussion, as it has not sold and it will not be my concern whether it does or not, pending this deal.  The  County Auditor has valued it at $XX,000K.  

When I get documentation of his ability to finance and also of the remaining amount of the mortgage, then I will agree to 40% of the equity, payable by XH in the form of a certified check, within 60 days.  Barring that, I will need to talk with an attorney.

I feel good about this.  What do you think?

[ForeverDad]

Remember, you can't hand over a signed quit claim deed until the refinancing is literally happening AND you get your bank/certified check, not a day or hour before.  Don't trust him to file the paperwork later, it has to stay in the hands of the lawyers or financers.  Too many ways for him to screw you around with some subtle slimy maneuver if he's got access to or control of the paperwork.

However, don't be surprised if this too fails to happen.  Delay tactics of any sort are in his favor.  You might give him a little incentive to comply if the matter is also pending in court.

[theodore]

The  County Auditor has valued it at $XX,000K.  

That may be a different amount than the "current market value".  Ideally, you want the value of the house to be based on a recent appraisal by a qualified appraiser (realtors are generally not qualified).  I am currently going through that now with my Nut Job.