Predator or borderline? Possible sexual abuse.

[Chattgirl]

I'm not sure about this I need some opinions. My borderline always contacts his ex girlfriends when he is angry with me. I get so angry because I feel taken advantage of that I'm thinking he loves me and were monogamous and then find out he's talking to an ex again. I have always cried to him how could you just dump me and talk to other women as much as I have loved you. I have been so horribly traumatized by his behavior. He has done this five times. Today something occurred to me. Is he a borderline or a predator? He was married many years in a dysfunctional relationship. When they met she was 14 and him 21. She got pregnant the first time they were together. He says it was both of their first time and that she had a condom in her pocket but didn't offer it and that he was naive to these things. He also cheated on her during her second pregnancy and then again before leaving her years later. He left her and dated a woman he said he really wasn't attracted to her. He said she was real nice but kinda desperate. His next woman was over twenty years younger than him and only a few years older than his daughter. The he met me and I was over coming an abusive relationship and mr perfect shows up to help me. Imagine my shock when he drastically changed and I was in something worse than I left before but seemed to be so addicted to it I couldn't get out. Oh yeah and I'm 17 years younger than him. We have been together five years. He has kept contact with everyone of these women . When he's angry with me he just calls them up and sucks them back in as FRIENDS. Supposedly never slept around on me , but he has given them money. Well this time I found a message in his email where he had answered an ad to a 20 year old Virgin  in a wheelchair looking to have sex for the first time. Im not sure if he knows I saw this in his email and he was just lighting a fire under me which he does a lot or if he was serious. He gave this girl his REAL phone number. He won't let me see his phone record. He has a hatred for child molestors and has said that to me. I am just wondering if he is a predator picking targets to purposefully take advantage of or his self esteem causes him to select easy targets so he doesn't get rejected or some of both. He just calls them up him when we argue and then drops them like a bad habit when we start talking again. He just says I'm not talking to you no more I love my girlfriend were working it out bye. It seems like he just ruthlessly throws them away and then they come back again every time. I think ones after money and one has psychological problems. I am the constant girlfriend but it seems like he has to keep them on the stringer with no thoughts or concerns about using them to feel better then dumping them. Of course he ruthlessly dumps me too and then he will be truthful and do good a while. I am wondering if he has possibly been abused sexually. Sometimes he even sends them a picture of us . seems brutal if even at the time i like it cause im angry with them for talking to him. He swears he hasn't but he is so emotionally messed up. He said that his step dad made a move at him one time but he wouldn't go for it and nothing ever happened but he thinks he did to his brother because he was around him more. He claims there was no other sexual abuse but I'm just wondering if he may not be telling me everything. All this story leads into today. I lost my temper today and accused him of being a predator and using weak women. He went nuts and threatened me. He said I'm so mad there's no telling what I might do. He is real sensitive. This could all just be part of his borderline behavior but I just wonder if there's more. Do borderlines typically keep exs on the stringer and pick younger or more vulnerable targets? My bp likes heavy women also. He may just fear rejection but part of me asks is this borderline or crafted manipulative predatory behavior. He scares me a little. Like he's capable of about anything when enraged without concern for the consequence. He's getting worse. He's possessive when we are good and sometimes we watches me from afar. It's like he plays games in a big sex triangle. He's giving me the silent treatment but been telling four other exs he loves them . Talking to all of them and giving me the treatment. One of them is pregnant by someone else . I can't believe im involved in this, he tells me he doesn't want these women.

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[Chattgirl]

Let me restate something I didn't make clear. He knows I have been struggling with weight issues I'm not sure if that made me look more vulnerable to him because he knew it bothered me. Also when I said he sends his exs pics of us I mean when he breaks it off with them he sends them a picture of us together again or he got that tattoo and sent the pic to one of the girls. It's like he's always playing all of us against each other.

[GreenMango]

Chattgirl

What are your boundaries in regards to this relationship?  There seems to quite a bit of bad behavior.  It does sound like he has a long pervasive pattern of troubled romantic relationships with a questionable sex history. Does he see anything wrong with how he behaves?  He might think you are okay with it if you don't address your expectations. 

Have you read the lessons? 

[almost789]

You ask if he is a predator vs BPD. These things do not have to be mutually exclusive. He can be both and in fact its quite common. BPD people NEED others. Most of them will latch on to another or several others when u two are having difficulties. You need to decide if your ok with this? Its not going to get better without therapy.

[yeeter]

Hi again chattgirl.   

I replied to your other post before reading this one. 

He scares me a little. Like he's capable of about anything when enraged without concern for the consequence. He's getting worse.

This feeling is your gut talking to you - listen to it!  Go talk all this through with a DV counselor.  It cant hurt, and will give some peace of mind.  Your own safety/security is your #1 priority, and from there you can figure out the rest.

Very early on in my relationship my wife was threatening me (threatening to drive us both into a concrete wall the next chance she got).  I dismissed it as crazy talk (guess what, it WAS but I was too naive to know what this really meant... that she was capable of it).  I had a T tell me at the time that 'things do happen and you have to take this seriously'.  I didnt do what I should have, and that was address it directly. 

I wish I would have.  In part to protect myself.  But the bigger piece was that for years it was always there in the back of my mind (and honestly still is).  The FEAR that if things escalate enough she is capable of anything.  This fear isnt healthy and its important to address it.

Keep working on those boundaries!  You are asking some great questions and making some important observations.