disney world with child and other things

[samnc]

I am not sure if I am in the wrong here, but I am trying to make sure I am not the crazy one... .  

My ex-wife is a fruitcake.  We get along if she is in a good mood, but all bets are off if she is not in a good mood.  Recently, much to a misjudgment, we all took a "family vacation" to Washington DC which did not go well at all, and we cut it short.  At the end she said that I am a bad person and she won't ever take another trip with me.  Yes, it was a huge mistake, and I am not sure why I did it.

However, she recently floated the idea of a trip to Disney World with all of us.  (Why would she propose this after she said the short and cheap trip to DC was a diaster, I dont know)  I told her no.  I also aksed my kid if HE wanted to go to DW, even just with me, and at best, he is indifferent to it.  I proposed to my ex-wife that she can take him if she wants to, but I dont want to, and my son has no desire to go.

She then called me a bad parent for not taking him, and that he doesnt want to go because he doesnt know better and that he will like it, and that I am too cheap for not taking him etc... .   

So, I am wondering:

1. Am I missing something by not taking him to DW?

2. Why on earth woudl she want to go with me?

3. Do I simply tell her that a trip to DW with my son (just the two of us) isnt going to happen, and if she wants him to go, she can go with him?

Any other suggestions to handle this?  Reason and logic does not work very well with her.

[Rose1]

In answer to your post, refer your other post 

Seriously - that's what this is probably about - a new relationship. I would tell her nothing, not communicate except about the kids and I don't think an argument about DW one way or another is communicating about the kids.  Communicating would be

EX _ I want to take S to DW on Friday

You - OK.

or

EX - I want you to take son to DW on Friday

You - not at this time

or

EX - I want us all to go on a lovely family trip to DW

You - No.

It takes practice but it's not so hard once you get the hang of it.

[Free One]

Sounds to me like she wants the warm fuzzys of a family, but doesn't really want to be a family. Maybe she wants to go to DW and wants you to pay. S probably doesn't want to go because if the past trip was uncomfortable for you, it was probably 100 times so (not to mention confusing) to S.

[samnc]

yes, if it was up to my ex-wife, we would be neighbors, son would be with her each night in bed, BUT I would do all the other work, even though I am a bad parent and do all these other bad things.

I am still trying to wrap my brain around it, but gave up.

[tog]

Like a lot of pwBPD, your ex is more interested in looking like a good parent and feeling like a good parent than actually being one. The hard parenting work, that doesn't give you any immediate reward, she isn't interested in. The rewarding stuff, like trips to DW and cuddles in bed, are HERS.

[Catsmother]

Hi samnc

I am just going to get straight to the point. You are no longer married to your child's mother, therefore YOUR "family" has changed. Currently it is you and your child, and it looks like it is going to include a lovely lady very soon. You don't go on holidays with your ex girlfriend of 15 years ago (well I hope not), so why would you want to go on holidays with your ex? And it would just confuse your child as well, by giving them an idea that maybe you and the ex are getting back together. Apart from that, how would you feel if your new lady went on holidays with her ex?

Rose1 said it all... .  

[Free One]

Like a lot of pwBPD, your ex is more interested in looking like a good parent and feeling like a good parent than actually being one. The hard parenting work, that doesn't give you any immediate reward, she isn't interested in. The rewarding stuff, like trips to DW and cuddles in bed, are HERS.

Exactly!

[hell0kitty]

Our BPD, prior to me being in the picture, when she was still dealing with my BF on a regular basis would suggest things like this because she wanted to do them, and wanted the credit for them, but her expectation was that he pay for and plan everything. 

She had zero romantic intentions towards him, but she enjoyed being able to tell him what they were going to do "as a family" and that he would handle/pay for everything. 

That is a huge reason why she hates me so much. Because when he started a real relationship with me, he no longer had the time to drop everything every time she had a whim, and I started to point out to him her general abuses.  He had been in it so long, he was kind of blind to it until I help him see that her demands were not entirely normal and just "what people do" like she always claimed.  It is clear to him now, and was clear to me from the beginning, but when you are in the thick of it the old saying "Can't see the forest from the trees" comes to mind.