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Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits. Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
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Author Topic: Unofficial poll: length of replacement relationship  (Read 610 times)
officer1618
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« on: February 22, 2013, 10:54:09 PM »

Out of my curiousity I was wondering how long the subsequent relationships they left you for lasted. My ex left me for a guy in 2010. It lasted about 2 years and ended with fireworks (stalking, trashing his things, etc). She left him and moved right into the current relationship (approaching the 1 year mark). I personally have a hunch she's gonna cycle about the same but wanted to know other's experiences. I know there's lots of variables but curious nonetheless. And yes, I am over her and not ruminating or worried about her business with him... .  its just we have kids together and I'm hoping for a pattern to establish for future endeavours. Thanks.
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GreenMango
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« Reply #1 on: February 23, 2013, 12:10:01 AM »

 Are you worried for the kids?
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imstronghere2
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« Reply #2 on: February 23, 2013, 06:20:44 AM »

I just found out yesterday that my exwBPD remarried sometime between last November and January.  She moved out July 2011 and we divorced October 2011.  She married the scum bag she was having her affair with and now live in one of the worst sections of a town nearby.  I live in a nice section of our city, nothing real fancy, about middle working class but it's safe and pleasant.  I have no idea how long it will last with them and don't really care.  The longer it lasts, the less me and our kids have to worry about having to deal with her.  Right now, she's pretty much out of our lives.   Smiling (click to insert in post)
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broken but not beaten
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« Reply #3 on: February 23, 2013, 07:17:30 AM »

My ex gf chucked me,used a guy for 8 wks,came back to me then chucked me after 8 wks too,I'm thinking the number 8 could be my unlucky (or very lucky) number
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OTH
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« Reply #4 on: March 02, 2013, 02:06:46 PM »

From my take on seeing tons of stories here. There is no timeline. It depends on both partners. What they bring to the table. Her issues. His issues. You lasted over a decade. Her last partner only 2 years. Is she trying to be cared for or just grasping at anything? If she finds another care taker type it could last as long as yours. Sorry to hear you are struggling with the children. How much time do you get with them?
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Mary Oliver:  Someone I loved gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift

viking11

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« Reply #5 on: March 02, 2013, 02:14:21 PM »

first one was one month.
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AllyCat7
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« Reply #6 on: March 04, 2013, 08:30:48 PM »

The last two guys I dated are uBPD. First one (who I met in 2008 and broke up with two years later) was the rager/clingy type and the second (who I met in 2011 and have been on/off again for the past 6 months, but we are now off again) is the waif/aloof type.

The rager one went to great lengths to get me back, stalked, and harassed me. He is obsessed with me because I'm one of the few girls he's been with that didn't want to marry him (how dare I, right?). He is still obsessed two years later and, sadly for me, does not have a replacement. He was kinda serious with a LDR last year, but the girl flaked on him when it came time for them to meet (smart girl Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)) so now he's back to obsessing over me. I am trying my hardest to ignore his emails (it's the only way he has to communicate with me), but I slip sometimes because I'm too nice. I also see him at events every now and then and I say hi (again, probably being too nice) and it gives him hope all over again. I hate it. I wish every day that he would find a damn replacement and move the heck on. grrr

The second one is a whole different story Laugh out loud (click to insert in post). I am almost 100% certain that he has never been faithful to me. We had a LDR for 1.5 years and then he moved to my town and it was local for half a year. During that time, he has always been talking to other girls (some of them even confronted me). He has also slept with other girls (but he doesn't know that I know that). He knows that I won't sleep with someone unless I'm married, so it's kind of hard for us to have an exclusive relationship because of that (although I'm sure even if I was sleeping with him he would not be capable of being faithful). So we both gave up trying--he stopped trying to convince me to sleep with him and I stopped trying to get him to be in a committed r'ship with me.

I sent him a long, intense email beginning of January (as a result of feeling like he was keeping me as a side piece for the last few months while he talked to and slept with other girls) and it freaked him out. He pushed me away and instead of running back to him like I usually do, I just let things be (which shocked him). He began to scramble for other girls (which is odd because he already was talking to other girls!). But I'm thinking maybe he needs a certain amount to feel secure (6 or 8 or something like that maybe Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)). So it's like my spot got empty and he was trying to find a replacement for my spot. He doesn't know I know this, but I can tell from his FB behavior when he is doing this and with whom (even though I'm not even on his FB... .  I'm slick like that haha). Anyway, he is playing games with my replacement, but also with the other girls in the rotation. Some are local and some are long distance. It's really kinda sick and twisted. We are just friends now and just communicate via email, which is fine with me. I still love him, but I would rather be his friend or not be in his life at all than to be on his "rotation of chicks". It started to get pretty demoralizing. I have too much self-respect for that. I still love him because aside from the insane amount of cheating, he is honestly the sweetest person I've ever known (the waifs are mind-boggling like that), but I can't expect anything even remotely close to an exclusive relationship with him without him seeking some kind of therapy.

Anyway, my point is that it's crazy how I've dealt with two extremes--the one who is fixated on me forever and the one who was never even faithful (to the point where I can't even pinpoint start times to replacements since he is always rotating so many girls! Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)). I wish I had something kinda close to what you guys had... .  something that kinda looks like a normal, exclusive relationship. Mine have not. grr Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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j4c
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« Reply #7 on: March 04, 2013, 10:39:10 PM »

My ex got with her new man within 5 weeks of us breaking up. It then lasted 4 weeks  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

She was then single for 5 months and has now been with this latest guy since mid december (how convenient just before Christmas). I don't know him but I've heard hes had restraining orders handed out to him in the past. Hes already booked her in for a £4000 boob job so I'm expecting more than just her chest to go "tits up" by the time shes finished screwing his head up!

I think the length of r/s all depends on how much crap people are willing to put up with. My ex would literally scream at me if i was 15 minutes late. I mean seriously - who the hell needs that in their life?
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