Missing her...

[Depression = 72% of members]

Tonight is hard"... .  missing her so much.  It's been 5 weeks now, and I've been doing well.  We're clearly doing NC.  I understand, in my head at least, that I can never again be with my exBPD girlfriend... .  that we are a toxic combo.  Our mutual attachment disorders make us bounce off one another.  I get it.  I do.  But tonight I'm longing for her.  What the heck? 

[Traye]

Tonight is hard"... .  missing her so much.  It's been 5 weeks now, and I've been doing well.  We're clearly doing NC.  I understand, in my head at least, that I can never again be with my exBPD girlfriend... .  that we are a toxic combo.  Our mutual attachment disorders make us bounce off one another.  I get it.  I do.  But tonight I'm longing for her.  What the heck? 

[broken but not beaten]

Hi traye I'm the same it hurts bit like you I now accept it can never be. As time goes on I feel better then I have set backs too,crying and grieving for what was and what could have been its heartbreaking. I don't hate uBPDxgf I hate the illness,I'm sure inside she's a beautiful person and she is,its soul destroying and I pray in time the loss of the one we loved becomes easier to deal with

[lockedout]

What you're probably miss is not the person, but person she led you to believe she was to before she took off her mask and the life as you had imagined it would have been with that person.

I've been separated for close to two months now. Do I miss her? No. What hurts is that I spent the better part of 4 1/2 years with things coming to a head last year trying to turn things around. I was successfully brainwashed into thinking the troubles in my relationship were my fault. I went to online support groups, did a Bible based challenge, read dozens of books, went for a full psych evaluation that stretched out over 5 appointments, slept in a crappy bed in a cluttered guest bedroom for six months, scheduled my life around keeping the house clean, laundry folded, and dishes done. I apologized for not being the husband she wanted and assumed blame for everything. In return she told me that was just lip service and that nothing would ever change because I was "just like my father".

My hurt and anger isn't so much from the loss of a loved one, but has more to do with how cavalier she was about ending the relationship. She labelled my last ditch attempts to get her to come back to therapy (and just about everything else I said) as "abuse". Right after I moved out, I was going to spend the night there to watch our son so she could go out; he wasn't quite ready to spend the night at my new place. She came home buzzed at 1:30 AM, made a racket to wake me up then proceeded to lay into me about how I put everything else before our son (I was a few minutes late getting him). She escalated it to where I nearly lost my temper before I left and said she was "scared". The condensed version of what happened after is that she changed the locks on the house and when I went to drop him off there a few days later, a guy drove up in a Mustang, opened the garage, and pulled right in - while I was consoling a child who was used to me being able to open the door so he could go inside and go to bed. Of course my reaction was a bit unbecoming and her reasons for this guy's suicide attempt were fully justified.

I haven't been back to my house since. It would hurt too much, no matter how much I want to snoop around and check up on the upkeep (I still have to pay my half of the mortgage) and see if I can catch that dirtbag in my garage again. Of course, I thought when I moved out that it was the end of the world and that I was a failure for not saving the marriage albeit single-handedly. But these people know how to break us down and institutionalized enough to fear the world outside of their twisted realm.

[almostmarried]

Hello lockedout.There is one word which I think is the essence of the whole "relationship".

BRAINWASHED.

That´s exactly how I feel,now,in retrospect after the separation from my BPD (w/NPD traits)exwife.

BRAINWASHED.

And... .  I guess many of us feel the same way.Its like a slow infiltration into the mind.And from then on my relationship had always a dark menace in the background.

But now I know better.

It wasn´t your fault or my fault.Far from it.Very,very far from it.

You know it.I know it.

[lockedout]

North Korea (which I've actually been to) is analogous to what we've been through. They LOVE, LOVE, LOVE their great leader. He invented cars, computers, walked on the moon and can heal the sick through his magical powers. So much they don't understand the concepts of "throw the bums out", disagreeing with him, or freedom as we know it. Most of them live in squalid conditions with little food or medical care. Heat is a commodity reserved for loyal party members. Travel is restricted and the government tells you what your occupation will be and where you will live. If they need something they get it from the government that does such a great job that dying from starvation and poor medical care are commonplace. If you visit the country and show them literature or pictures from anything outside their country, you go to prison. If you touch a woman (even to shake hands) you go to prison. If you're seen talking to someone for too long they're in trouble. I was there on a ship and truck with large speakers pulled up and blasted propaganda that could be hear for miles; telling them how great they had it. If they disagree with the party, they go to an internment camp that makes Auschwitz look like Disney World. If they get caught trying to escape, they're dead. If they succeed, they torture and kill their family.

When Kim Jong Il died, the country went into deep mourning: people literally fell apart over their loss because they LOVED him SO MUCH. And they didn't now how they were going to survive without him. 3

Sound familiar?