Everything Triggers Me

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Does anyone else have this problem?

Everything triggers me. Everything. I compare myself to her in every aspect of my life. And nothing is ever as good as her or what she has or what she is doing. This is total madness and it is making me crazy.

Has anyone experienced this? Is this a result of abuse? Is there something else going on?

I don't have a bad life. I have friends. I have a good family. I have an interesting job.

But still, nothing seems as good as what she has or as what it would be like I hadn't broken up with her. I can't enjoy anything because everything is 'not as good'.

HELP!

[willy45]

Does anyone else have this problem?

Everything triggers me. Everything. I compare myself to her in every aspect of my life. And nothing is ever as good as her or what she has or what she is doing. This is total madness and it is making me crazy.

Has anyone experienced this? Is this a result of abuse? Is there something else going on?

I don't have a bad life. I have friends. I have a good family. I have an interesting job.

But still, nothing seems as good as what she has or as what it would be like I hadn't broken up with her. I can't enjoy anything because everything is 'not as good'.

HELP!

[broken but not beaten]

I often find myself comparing my life with hers,thinking she's doing better and that is difficult to comprehend,she progressed in our orginisation quicker than I did although they had big expectations of me,I often recall her saying "what happened to you?" Making snide remarks putting me down. Now I realise she sucked me dry of all my esteem and stomped on it for good measure. I don't appreciate things the way I did when I was with her,everything seemed so much brighter and beautiful but now seems dull and colourless. What a mug I was,even felt guilty after she ejected me because I got upset after my son was diagnosed for aspergers I thought it was wrong of me to be upset,jeez somedays I'm ok others I feel like I've been hoofed in the b@lls. I feel emotionally,financially and mentally conned and robbed because I was gullible enough to believe her words and chose to ignore the massive red flags

[freshlySane]

I often find myself comparing my life with hers,thinking she's doing better and that is difficult to comprehend,she progressed in our orginisation quicker than I did although they had big expectations of me,I often recall her saying "what happened to you?" Making snide remarks putting me down. Now I realise she sucked me dry of all my esteem and stomped on it for good measure. I don't appreciate things the way I did when I was with her,everything seemed so much brighter and beautiful but now seems dull and colourless. What a mug I was,even felt guilty after she ejected me because I got upset after my son was diagnosed for aspergers I thought it was wrong of me to be upset,jeez somedays I'm ok others I feel like I've been hoofed in the b@lls. I feel emotionally,financially and mentally conned and robbed because I was gullible enough to believe her words and chose to ignore the massive red flags

I'm there too how do we move past it my family and friends tell me she is not better then in any facet in life. but i feel she is im drained as well.

[broken but not beaten]

I see her in work laughing and joking,without a care in the world or so it appears,I'm trying to deal with it by pushing it all down inside me,I don't know what else to do? My only fear is one day that suppressed anger is going to explode. I'm sure her carefree attitude and laughing is to rub my nose in it. At times I want her to hurt like I am,know what that pain feels like to be humiliated and violated in such a callous way. At times I feel so angry Its hard to not lash out and release these feelings I'm ashamed to say that. My mom dBPD helps me understand some of uBPDxgf actions but I fear this experience and my feelings eat me up sometimes

[tailspin]

rjh,

Yes, I remember how everything triggered me.  Fighting against what you are feeling won't help.  Let the triggers happen when they happen and don't be afraid to feel the pain.  Fighting against the pain won't help. 

We become enmeshed with our ex and the triggers happen when we experience this enmeshment.  Becoming ourselves again is a process but it's worth the pain and effort.  It's ok to keep the good memories and it's important to make new ones.  Do what makes you happy and hold onto the feeling.  Remember you are your own person and deserve happiness in your own right. 

Happiness is our job 

tailspin

[mango_flower]

I'm so totally there with you.

I have continued to play the same sport (a team sport) that I used to play with her, and it just isn't as fun.

Music doesn't make me as happy.

Cooking dinner for one seems pointless.

Nights out with friends feel fake - me smiling along, trying to act like I am having fun, when really I just would give anything to be with her.

No matter what I do, it feels like half of me is missing.

I agree with the triggering thing - I walk into a shop, see flowers on display and instinctively go to look at them to buy her some, wondering what she will prefer.  And then it hits me like a ton of bricks - she is gone and she's not coming back.

I still have her on facebook (she owes me money so I don't want it to get nasty and if she feels rejected if I delete her, it will!) and her life seems so much more fun than mine.

She's out with her new girlfriend going to shows, going rockclimbing, going out drinking... .  but she's dead behind the eyes.  And she wasn't when she was with me.  That makes me so sad!

She just got engaged (she only left me 3 months ago!) and I just *know* that she'll get a bigger and better ring than I ever could have given her.

Urgh it's just so difficult!  And painful!