What's the reasoning behind this behaviour?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I split with my exBPD gf 2 weeks ago and every friday night since she has ended up txting me.

The first time it was "I'm missing you x" so I stupidly replied thinking she wanted me back but got no reply from her.

Then the next day she replied saying she was drunk and we should leave things as they are.

Then the 2nd friday she txts me again at night simply saying "I know i shouldn't txt you I know, sorry x" and silly me i replied again thinking this was one last chance for us to sort things out. didn't hear from her again until the next day same as before. She said we should just stay as friends and asked me what i wanted to talk about as if she never implied anything at all :/

So i just told her never to txt me again I don't care if she's drunk it's no excuse. she replies "ok"

Then at 6am the next morning she txts me again saying "sorry".

What is the reasoning behind this?

We've split up before and every time a week has passed she ended up saying he missed me and we got back together. But this time she's saying the words but every time I tried to suggest we work things out or even just meet up to talk she says let's just stay friends. This is really messing with my head.

I know her BPD symptoms tend to get magnified 100x when she's been drinking and I'm sure both these friday nights she was drunk.

Why is she doing this, just to watch me squirm for her amusement? Is it because while she's drunk she wants me back then the next day when she's sober those intense feelings have simply gone? I don't get it.

I'm going NC from now on i won't be made a fool out of.

[eclipsedbythemoon]

I split with my exBPD gf 2 weeks ago and every friday night since she has ended up txting me.

The first time it was "I'm missing you x" so I stupidly replied thinking she wanted me back but got no reply from her.

Then the next day she replied saying she was drunk and we should leave things as they are.

Then the 2nd friday she txts me again at night simply saying "I know i shouldn't txt you I know, sorry x" and silly me i replied again thinking this was one last chance for us to sort things out. didn't hear from her again until the next day same as before. She said we should just stay as friends and asked me what i wanted to talk about as if she never implied anything at all :/

So i just told her never to txt me again I don't care if she's drunk it's no excuse. she replies "ok"

Then at 6am the next morning she txts me again saying "sorry".

What is the reasoning behind this?

We've split up before and every time a week has passed she ended up saying he missed me and we got back together. But this time she's saying the words but every time I tried to suggest we work things out or even just meet up to talk she says let's just stay friends. This is really messing with my head.

I know her BPD symptoms tend to get magnified 100x when she's been drinking and I'm sure both these friday nights she was drunk.

Why is she doing this, just to watch me squirm for her amusement? Is it because while she's drunk she wants me back then the next day when she's sober those intense feelings have simply gone? I don't get it.

I'm going NC from now on i won't be made a fool out of.

[broken but not beaten]

My ex ubp gf did similar when we split,she would message me her new number,I did beg and plead first time around maybe this gave her a sense of control and power,she seemed to enjoy my pain but whenever I tried to resolve things she went quiet,eventually we did get back together but didn't last. I think she felt good knowing I was there to fall back on from her other guy,I wish I could have gone nc and been as strong as you first time,I am strictly nc as of today like you I won't be made a fool of no more

[eclipsedbythemoon]

My ex ubp gf did similar when we split,she would message me her new number,I did beg and plead first time around maybe this gave her a sense of control and power,she seemed to enjoy my pain but whenever I tried to resolve things she went quiet,eventually we did get back together but didn't last. I think she felt good knowing I was there to fall back on from her other guy,I wish I could have gone nc and been as strong as you first time,I am strictly nc as of today like you I won't be made a fool of no more

I'm only on day 3 of NC myself mate. Feel like absolute crap today very down... .  maybe it's because i dreamt about her again last night it brought all those memories flooding back. I woke up and just spent a couple of hours lying in bed remembering our time together.

Feel like I can't sit still today because every time i do she is there in my mind. Everything reminds me of her.

Would really appreciate it if anyone could shed some light on why she keeps sending me these txts?

[hithere]

People with BPD have a fear of abandonment, usually when they leave a relationship (or before they do) they are immediately looking for the next victim to fill the un-fillable void in their souls.

They text you because they want to keep you as a back-up, just in case things don't work out with their new love interest.  They will check-in periodically to make sure there is still an opening to recycle you.  Over time and as they get their new victim hooked they will contact you less and less... .  try and go NC and move on with your life.

[sad but wiser]

Hi!  My BPDx texted me until I announced that I wasn't reading anymore of his texts.  We have a long relationship, so he knew I meant what I said.  I think his texts were a need for control and to get someone to listen to him.  I'm sorry that you feel so bad.  It gets better with time and space. 

[seeking balance]

BPD is an attachment disorder - pwBPD tend to have poor impulse control.  Likely, she thought of you and texted - no other motive than that - it felt good/soothing/ok to her in that exact moment.

The only real thing you can do is take care of yourself.  If this behavior is not ok with you, then stop responding to her... .  eventually it will stop.

[Apple white]

No contact gets better the longer you stay no contact.  It is hard and it hurts.  I did no contact for a couple of weeks and did feel better then i started to read the messages but didn't reply.  This puts me back again.  I have literally just 5 mins ago blocked all 7 of his email addresses.  He doesn't have my new phone number either.  He won't be showing up at my door again so hopefully he will get the message... .  he has his next victim too which I thought would lessen his messages and contact. Baby steps all the way to freedom 

[Discarded26]

BPD is an attachment disorder - pwBPD tend to have poor impulse control.  Likely, she thought of you and texted - no other motive than that - it felt good/soothing/ok to her in that exact moment.

The only real thing you can do is take care of yourself.  If this behavior is not ok with you, then stop responding to her... .  eventually it will stop.

I guess that's true. Just shame.

A. sets us back.

B. they go back to forgetting us.

C. Hurts all over again


Also don't get why mine says I'm happy with someone else. Convinced himself of it

Is it just to ease his own guilt? When in reality I'm depressed and heartbroken?

[seeking balance]

A. sets us back.

B. they go back to forgetting us.

C. Hurts all over again

Radical acceptance of the facts of the disorder - as such, if we continue to be hurt, we are doing it to ourselves... .  sad but true.

Anyone who is detaching from a "chosen" relationship has many more options available at detaching.

[Discarded26]

A. sets us back.

B. they go back to forgetting us.

C. Hurts all over again

Radical acceptance of the facts of the disorder - as such, if we continue to be hurt, we are doing it to ourselves... .  sad but true.

Anyone who is detaching from a "chosen" relationship has many more options available at detaching.

I suppose your right.

Just I don't get why mine says I'm happy with someone else. Convinced himself of it

Is it just to ease his own guilt or whatever he feels at the time?

[seeking balance]

Just I don't get why mine says I'm happy with someone else. Convinced himself of it

he likely is - at least in the moment... .  why is this a concern to you?

If it hurts you, don't put yourself in the position to hear this - that is the only think you can control.

Is it just to ease his own guilt or whatever he feels at the time?

Yes, to both