The intense SILENCE is something that still messes with me. It's a good bit easier as time has passed. It just seems so surreal at times. One minute things were golden. The next minute I couldn't even get a kiss. And I was the same guy I was the whole time. It's hard to FEEL the actual "break" in the relationship. It was just mind-boggling at the time. But it mirrors so many of the stories here. It's evidence of just how broken this person was.
I'm not sure exactly why it's been so difficult for me. Maybe in some sense I believe I failed, but I know I was a good mate. Maybe it's human to want to make sense of things. I tthink it's really just that hard to believe for me. Intellectually I understand the dynamic. That what helps me to push forward and heal and learn new skills. But it truthfully isn't that easy and the abrupt crazy ending is a lot of it. I have to accept that the only logic to the disorder is that there is no logic. It's getting easier. It's just not easy. I'm hoping that it's evidence that I do attach in a normal way. I just need a truly healthy r/s with a healthy person.
That's very true, there is no logic
Why it's so hard to wrap your head around it
