Used, abused and now confused

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I now realise I was used, definitely abused emotionally and verbally.  I told him to leave.  I have not got any nice feelings for him.  I have been working through the detachment stages and working on emotional healing.  I was beginning to feel better with the fog clearing and the NC, which, by the way helps so much.

He turned up at my home last Thursday to see our daughter (unannounced).  He stayed for an hour, I coped (felt a lot of anger towards him but still had no nice feelings for him anymore).

He left without me speaking to him.  I felt like I had passed a milestone .  Then on Friday evening I get an email from him saying "let the dust settle, still love you".  I still didn't reply.

I then discover today that he was out on Saturday with his new gf (not an oil painting by accounts and totally the kind of person he would insult).

I feel sick, very angry, insulted and even more betrayed.  This is the confusing part because I felt I was working well.  I know I have a long way to go yet but what is wrong with these people.  Why can't they leave us exs alone when they have their new supply?

He has also just emailed me saying xxxthankyou!x what is this all about?  Is it because I'm ignoring him? Or does he really need to see me totally broken?

[Apple white]

I now realise I was used, definitely abused emotionally and verbally.  I told him to leave.  I have not got any nice feelings for him.  I have been working through the detachment stages and working on emotional healing.  I was beginning to feel better with the fog clearing and the NC, which, by the way helps so much.

He turned up at my home last Thursday to see our daughter (unannounced).  He stayed for an hour, I coped (felt a lot of anger towards him but still had no nice feelings for him anymore).

He left without me speaking to him.  I felt like I had passed a milestone .  Then on Friday evening I get an email from him saying "let the dust settle, still love you".  I still didn't reply.

I then discover today that he was out on Saturday with his new gf (not an oil painting by accounts and totally the kind of person he would insult).

I feel sick, very angry, insulted and even more betrayed.  This is the confusing part because I felt I was working well.  I know I have a long way to go yet but what is wrong with these people.  Why can't they leave us exs alone when they have their new supply?

He has also just emailed me saying xxxthankyou!x what is this all about?  Is it because I'm ignoring him? Or does he really need to see me totally broken?

[hithere]

Why can't they leave us exs alone when they have their new supply?

He is likely hoping to keep you as a back-up.  They like to have ex's around just in case.

[BP39]

Well applewhite

Just to give you a quick history of my situation, married 15 , 2 kids 11and 7... .  left to take care of her dying mom... she finds some dude at poker dumps me and the kids and runs off with thos clown... .  calling each other husband and wife after a month and a half... smeard it all in my face.threatend all over the phone... .  I took all that hurting my wife was so nasty

Thrn she seen me and the kids the first time in 8 months tried to run back to me.behind his back with the I love yous.and all.I fell for it .a couole months back to her same nasty self it was then I was done... .  

Please look out for you.if you fall for any of it that BPD ~ is just below the surface.and more than likely the new ones are seeing them for there true self... or just a person they can walk over... which in turn they are starting to have problems... .  once you totally let go and say im done.and let this dead corpse of realtionship you were in... sink and float away your life will start to get better... takes a while to get there but you have to shut them off... .  

Good luck friend

[Apple white]

Thanks guys... .  I can honestly say that I am well and truly done with him now.  It has been like putting a 5000 piece jigsaw together since I first discovered BPD about 18 months ago.  I think ive managed to put about 4800 together so far  .Unfortunately I'm one of those people that gives others the benefit of the doubt, therefore, I read about BPD and yes he has nearly all the traits and performed right on cue.  The most disturbing realisation for me was also discovering NPD.  He ticks every box there. 

It's weird reading something one day and he does it shortly after.  He has never been diagnosed by a professional.

Now I am starting to look after myself.  I am starting to see from an outside point of view just how bad our 'perfect' relationship was from day one! What a learning curve this is.

One thing I am certain about is that he will never have a part in my life ever again.

He is at present, trying to manipulate d13 but she is very aware of the problems he has.  Any advice on NC when kids are involved would be appreciated.