He's dissociative/dysphoric and it's scary

[Gimme Peace]

I'm waiting to find out if I've been approved for an apartment so I can move out. Today he didn't go to work and is wacked out and staying home. I work from home so I can't leave, plus I have a huge deadline today.

He's here... .  staring off into space with a blank stare. He won't talk and just slowly turns his eyes to look at me when I speak to him. It's frightening. I think he should go to doctor, maybe he's having a breakdown. I'm not sure what to do. It's never been this bad before. He's completely out of it. It's been going on for 4 hours now.

It started last night because I got tearful when something reminded me of my mother who passed away last year. He didn't believe I was crying about her, and insisted it was because of him. He got weird during that last night and it got worse today. Because of my work and my son is here, I can't leave.

What should I do?

[hithere]

I would let him be... .  if he is not doing anything to you then why would you want to take a chance of starting something with him?

You said you are preparing to move out, so in the future he is going to have to take care of himself anyways?

If you must intervene then perhaps there is a family member he will listen to?

He also might be playing on guilt, does he know you are leaving? Maybe he feels you distancing yourself?

good luck.

[Gimme Peace]

I'm leaving him alone and just waiting it out.

[hithere]

I don't know anything about your story but for now that seems like a good idea.  If he is suicidal I would call the local authorities if he shows any signs of self-harming.

[almost789]

That sounds very scary. I've read a bit of your story. He sounds like mine the way he goes silent and dead like. I bet he's just in emotional overload and switched into detached protector mode. I didn't see in any of your post where he was violent or suicidal, is he? or has he ever been? I think you should just leave him alone unless he's suicidal and violent then you probably need to get in touch with authorities. Does he have a therapist? If so, call his therapist without his knowledge and tell the therapist what is going on.

[Gimme Peace]

He's in the bed now so I'm leaving him alone. He has a high profile job and I'm worried that he'll

be in trouble with that because it's Monday and he didn't show up. I know he had meetings today.

He has talked about suicide before, the last time was a couple of months ago, when he just said that he wanted to die. Nothing like that today, he's not talking at all.

He dropped his T a couple of months ago because the T wasn't an approved provider on his insurance plan (BPDh knew this when he started going). He never would tell me the name of his T so I would have no idea who to call anyway.

BPDh has been getting much worse over the past few weeks, but yesterday was surprisingly a good day.

[Gimme Peace]

It is 9 hours later and he is still in the bed, staring into space. I am feeling horrible and sad for him. I tried talking to him but he keeps whispering that "it's too late". That's all he will say. My heart is breaking for him. This is all so hard to watch. He's despondent and can't seem to pull out of it. I feel like I'm at fault. I haven't had any patience with him for a long time and I am in the FOG right now. I feel bad about how I've treated him... .  even though I know he is disordered, I still love him. I don't know how to just walk away from this without feeling some responsibility.

It hurts so much to see him like this... .  it's never been this bad before.

[almost789]

He really needs a therapist it seems. I really dont think you should try to talk to him about anything serious right now. Is there anyone, family or friend that connects well with him? Im sorry, I know what it feels like to feel responsible for their dysregulation and when you trying to save yourself.

[Gimme Peace]

He partially came out of it but doesn't want to talk. I'm leaving him alone. He has no close friends and he would be furious if I told his family (I do stay in touch with his sister as their father is terminally ill). He definitely needs to be in therapy. All he would say to me tonight is "I've given up on being happy, I'm only going to be married". Lovely. I just want to let go and be done with this nightmare but it's so hard. We're both entrenched.

[almost789]

Im glad hes come out of it some. Is he diagnosed? Is he going to  work today?

[maria1]

Happyplace- how are things?

It sounds scary and serious.

I don't mean to frighten you but why don't you ask him if he is having suicidal thoughts? People think asking is the wrong thing to do but it isn't, you need to know and you need to get him urgent help if he is. You can just say:

"I'm worried about you. Are you having thoughts about harming yourself?"

You can ring the Samaritans for advice for what to do next. It sounds like he needs professional help and they will advise the best way of accessing that.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

[Gimme Peace]

He did go to work today, but he was like a robot. He is not diagnosed but has been referring

to "his mental illness" the past few weeks, which is different for him, usually he blames either me or our relationship for his moods.

Today I'm just trying to have a normal day. Thanks for the support, it really means a lot to me.

[Rose Tiger]

He is seriously dissassociating and has gone bye bye for a bit.  It's a coping mechanism.  Ex used to do that at times when it was all too much.  Like 'safe mode' on the computer.  Not ready to load full on programs yet. 

[Gimme Peace]

It's hard to breathe today, I'm feeling overwhelmed by the thought of ending this relationship. Not sure I can go through with it. I have a huge hole in my heart and I can barely maintain today.

[Vegasskydiver]

It's hard to breathe today, I'm feeling overwhelmed by the thought of ending this relationship. Not sure I can go through with it. I have a huge hole in my heart and I can barely maintain today.

I am so sorry that you are going through this.   Glad that you have found this board.  It has helped me "maintain" just reading that I am not alone and that others are feeling the same thing.  I have been no contact for a month.  I still have days like this and probably will for a very long time.  I don't want mine back, but still trying to process the pain of everything.  The horror.  Feeling angry that I let him "suck" me back in so many times.  Had to file for a protective order and asking for a hearing to extend for one year.  He told the judge that I made evrything up.  It was horrifying.  The judge didn't know who to beleive, so the whole thing was thrown out.  He stood in front of me and the court and I couldn't beleive the lies that were spewing out of this man's mouth.  Everything that he had done to me, he told the jusdge I did to him.  I am so angry, hurt and then some.  I too sometimes feel like I cannot breath.  Stick around and it will help... .  really