Are these life skills healthy to both 'nons' AND 'pwBPD?'

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

The following are some very important goals and life skills that get discussed in general on this forum as being necessary in pursuing our own mental health and our own self – care:

Trust your own gut feelings and your own reality; If something feels wrong, it probably is.

Define and own your own boundaries, don’t engage in a fight or a drama about differences in opinion,  or try to change someone; just take care of your own boundaries. It may disappoint or hurt someone, but sticking up for yourself and taking care of your own boundaries is part of being an adult.

Don’t  stay and allow yourself to be screamed at, argued with, bullied, or manipulated.  All of these activities require our permission and/or our participation.  We all makes mistakes or miss the mark sometimes, none of us is perfect…but we do not deserve abuse.

Don’t let anyone tell you ‘you’re crazy’ or gaslight you or bully you into believing your perceptions aren’t real or that all problems in a r/s are all your fault.  We are 100% responsible for our 50% contribution to any relationship dynamic, no more, no less.

Don’t bend over backwards to be a people pleaser or need to be liked, agreed with or popular all the time. You are never going to please everyone and sometimes you have to say  no;  it’s unrealistic to think otherwise.

Don’t rescue other adults from their issues, behaviors, choices, or their own emotions. It is not your job to take this on.

Be honest about your feelings and take responsibility for your own feelings.

Now read this over again, but  pretend your ex is reading this list of life skills.

Do you think these are important life skills in general? Would you want to promote the same life skills to your ex,  as to yourself?

Why or why not?

[MaybeSo]

The following are some very important goals and life skills that get discussed in general on this forum as being necessary in pursuing our own mental health and our own self – care:

Trust your own gut feelings and your own reality; If something feels wrong, it probably is.

Define and own your own boundaries, don’t engage in a fight or a drama about differences in opinion,  or try to change someone; just take care of your own boundaries. It may disappoint or hurt someone, but sticking up for yourself and taking care of your own boundaries is part of being an adult.

Don’t  stay and allow yourself to be screamed at, argued with, bullied, or manipulated.  All of these activities require our permission and/or our participation.  We all makes mistakes or miss the mark sometimes, none of us is perfect…but we do not deserve abuse.

Don’t let anyone tell you ‘you’re crazy’ or gaslight you or bully you into believing your perceptions aren’t real or that all problems in a r/s are all your fault.  We are 100% responsible for our 50% contribution to any relationship dynamic, no more, no less.

Don’t bend over backwards to be a people pleaser or need to be liked, agreed with or popular all the time. You are never going to please everyone and sometimes you have to say  no;  it’s unrealistic to think otherwise.

Don’t rescue other adults from their issues, behaviors, choices, or their own emotions. It is not your job to take this on.

Be honest about your feelings and take responsibility for your own feelings.

Now read this over again, but  pretend your ex is reading this list of life skills.

Do you think these are important life skills in general? Would you want to promote the same life skills to your ex,  as to yourself?

Why or why not?

[Surnia]

What a list, MabeSo.

This are more or less the things I have learned in the last year! Some topics of the the list were mostly unknown for me, I had no idea about it or a idea but could not recognize it in my life. (Boundaries? Manipulation?)

I can only tell for myself. Yes, all this skills are important for me as a Non with my very controlling ex. I think he would like this list too. (My guess is, he needs some other skills like acceptence, trust, handling his anger).

[gina louise]

The following are some very important goals and life skills that get discussed in general on this forum as being necessary in pursuing our own mental health and our own self – care:

Trust your own gut feelings and your own reality; If something feels wrong, it probably is.

WOW I had a realization! I was going to answer that for the non this was great but for the PwBPD their "reality" might already be way off-so they perhaps should have a way to test their perceptions-

BUT I saw         that this was about "feeling something wrong."

I believe pwBPD DO know when they are triggered but don't KNOW how to back out gracefully. Maybe A time out Tool for when you feel over whelmed is essential. for BOTH

Define and own your own boundaries, don’t engage in a fight or a drama about differences in opinion,  or try to change someone; just take care of your own boundaries. It may disappoint or hurt someone, but sticking up for yourself and taking care of your own boundaries is part of being an adult.

Don’t  stay and allow yourself to be screamed at, argued with, bullied, or manipulated.  All of these activities require our permission and/or our participation.  We all makes mistakes or miss the mark sometimes, none of us is perfect…but we do not deserve abuse.

Don’t let anyone tell you ‘you’re crazy’ or gaslight you or bully you into believing your perceptions aren’t real or that all problems in a r/s are all your fault.  We are 100% responsible for our 50% contribution to any relationship dynamic, no more, no less.

This one needs to be stated over and over for Both!


Don’t bend over backwards to be a people pleaser or need to be liked, agreed with or popular all the time. You are never going to please everyone and sometimes you have to say  no;  it’s unrealistic to think otherwise.

Don’t rescue other adults from their issues, behaviors, choices, or their own emotions. It is not your job to take this on.

Be honest about your feelings and take responsibility for your own feelings.

Now read this over again, but  pretend your ex is reading this list of life skills.

Do you think these are important life skills in general? Would you want to promote the same life skills to your ex,  as to yourself?

YES very important. I would Add to: Practice and Use common courtesies with family and intimate partners as you do the work and outside world. We tend to drop common polite behavior when the door slams behind us and shuts the world out... .  Say "stbxBPDhcuse me or Pardon me" rather than "Move over!" Practice good manners. Say Please and Thank you, be consistent.



Why or why not?

thanks for the list!

GL

[maria1]

I would love my ex to have the list- on a good day he would love it too.

His ex wife appears NPD. I never saw that he was abusing her but I did see some two way damaging stuff that I tried to get him to detach from. It wasn't my job to do that of course but I thought I was helping him at the time.

Her need to control him was overwhelming and their son was virtually pulled in two. My ex was desperate for a solution, still is.

But then the BPD takes over and he runs away and then the NPD in him takes over and he seems to want to just destroy her. I think a list like that would help to keep him grounded. I saw a piece of paper where he had written something about not being responsible for making other people happy. He kept it with him.

I can't see any reason that the list wouldn't be good for anybody.

[MaybeSo]

Here's some thoughts I had that brought this idea up for me about life skills and the question of if they are good life skills for both nons and pwBPD.

Trust your own gut feelings and your own reality; If something feels wrong, it probably is.

Good advice. But, even in my own life, I've sometimes wondered if it was always a good idea to trust my feelings as though they were factual... .  the "feeling equals facts" for pwBPD is a common issue that tends to cause more problems than not, maybe it should be... .  pay attention and attend to your feelings?.

Define and own your own boundaries, don’t engage in a fight or a drama about differences in opinion,  or try to change someone; just take care of your own boundaries. It may disappoint or hurt someone, but sticking up for yourself and taking care of your own boundaries is part of being an adult.

A very useful skill and shift in thinking for anyone.

Don’t  stay and allow yourself to be screamed at, argued with, bullied, or manipulated.  All of these activities require our permission and/or our participation.  We all makes mistakes or miss the mark sometimes, none of us is perfect…but we do not deserve abuse.

All good advice for anyone, I'd say.  Stings a bit, though, because even though I may have not 'drawn first blood'... .  the fact is I use to stay and engage in crazy making circular arguments etc.  I'm just glad I'm not doing that anymore... .  

Don’t let anyone tell you ‘you’re crazy’ or gaslight you or bully you into believing your perceptions aren’t real or that all problems in a r/s are all your fault.  We are 100% responsible for our 50% contribution to any relationship dynamic, no more, no less.

This one is a hard one because there are so many threads I've read and participated in over the years about nons trying to convince their undiagnosed partner that that they have a mental disorder.  (this doesn't apply to partners who are dx).  I certainly spent time in my r/s making my ex the identified patient.  It didn't go over well.  In retrospect... .  if you are not a professional, and not unbiased (a partner is NOT unbiased)... .  isn't trying to convince anyone that THEY are the problem and THEY have the mental disorder, a form of gas lighting?  Gas lighting is when someone tries to convince you that your nuts.  It's a very scary and frightening experience when it's happening to you.  Even if we are doing it with good intentions... .  is it ever a good idea to be pushing that it's the other person whose nuts?  That easily slips into gaslighting, a form of emotional abuse... .  Right?

Don’t bend over backwards to be a people pleaser or need to be liked, agreed with or popular all the time. You are never going to please everyone and sometimes you have to say  no;  it’s unrealistic to think otherwise.

I think applies to all.  However... .  ouch... .  I have to say... .  my ex's people pleasing is something I enjoyed when it was directed at ME.  His need to be well liked and popular, ageeable (to the point of not being very honest)... .  etc., was rewarded by me as long as it was gratifying to me... .  when it wasn't... .  then I was upset... (missed the idealization)  So... .  honestly, if I really beleive being a people pleaser isn't a good idea for me... .  that means I have to grow up and embrace that he has no business people pleasing and idealizing others either, even me... .  

Don’t rescue other adults from their issues, behaviors, choices, or their own emotions. It is not your job to take this on.

So important for everyone. But when my ex did anything that I felt was rude or created anxiety in me... .  I would basically hold him accountable for HOW I FELT.  "You said it... .  now it's your job to make ME feel better."  Not cool.  Ugh.  It's not my job to take care of his emotions... .  but in return... .  neither is it his job to take care of mine.  

Be honest about your feelings and take responsibility for your own feelings.

I wanted him to be honest about how he felt... .  but if how he felt made me feel bad or anxious... .  then I punished him for sharing. "omg, I can't believe you just said you don't know if you love me anymore!, omg!" So he started lying or hiding how he felt (at times)... .  and then I punished him for lying. "OMG I can't believe you have kept this from me!" Ugh! If I really want honesty... .  then I have to grow up and show I can HANDLE what someone is telling me is their truth. Ugh!

[catsprt]

Very good question. Did you mean to ask if these principles are universal?

My guess is that there is something cultural about these and that they are also specific to an era.

Would love to survey a few thousand people.

[MaybeSo]

catsprt, you make a good point... .   there are cultural differences for sure, so universal may be too broad... .  but certainly im asking if the tools taught here on this forum, as well generally seen in therapy offices, in AA, CODA, NA, and other recovery programs... .  Are tools that would also be good for our partners who may have BPD?

[maria1]

On a good day the list would have helped but I don't know what it could have done on a bad day when everything was everybody else's fault. But aren't we all like that with any sort of therapeutic stuff too, to a certain extent? Some days I just want to curl up in bed and not do the work, even though I know what might be good for me. Couple that with black and white thinking and imagine how hard it must be to hold onto anything?

I think you're right about the feelings versus facts one though- should we all reconsider that one?

If your feelings tell you something look for a factual basis to find the truth?

Feelings have got me in trouble many times and also allowed me to imagine thinks that just weren't true. When I looked for facts I was much more balanced. This is actually why contact with my ex served me better than no contact- no contact allowed fantasy/ imagination to develop based on feelings. Contact slapped me in the face with the reality.

[MaybeSo]

Maria, that's a very good point about the feelings v. fact. Yes, I do think it's better to notice feelings, but also observe to see if there's a real fact helping to generate the current feeling. Even for a non disordered person, feelings can come up strongly that have to do with past experience and not necessarily about a fact occurring  in present time. NC can leave a huge void that gets filled with an incredible amount of feeling material but no solid material... .  like, wow, I forgot this is just a person and not some mythical creature. I find contact, even if low contact, to be very grounding once I'm no longer enmeshed.

After my experience in r/s with my ex... .  I don't feel comfortable just assuming every feeling is a fact or that every feeling i have must be shared or should be acted upon... , I don't think I'd want my ex to follow that advice, and its not a very good thing for me, either.

In the movie High Fidelity, John Cusack's character remarks "I've been listening to my gut since I was 13 years old... .  I've come to the conclusion my gut is full of SH$$."

[maria1]

In the movie High Fidelity, John Cusack's character remarks "I've been listening to my gut since I was 13 years old... .  I've come to the conclusion my gut is full of SH$$."

I'm loving that and I'm keeping it!

The contact and facts thing is true for me but I know not for everybody; I know I have a tendency to fantasise- something i think is typical of lonely child types. I'm going to a gig tonight and it's possible my ex might turn up as it's a singer I know he likes too. If I had had no contact from him in nearly 10 months I'd avoid going.

As it is I thought about it, thought he might turn up with a gorgeous woman he has just met, all loved up as the worst possible scenario for me. But it's OK- I want to see the singer and can handle my feelings because I have the facts of my contact with him to keep me OK. I feel safe to deal with my feelings because I have seen the facts of him and his disordered behaviour and I have no desire to be that woman any more. I know what I'm looking at isn't real.

Plus chances are he won't be there anyway, I just strayed into total fantasy mode again!

[Cardinals in Flight]

I think you're right about the feelings versus facts one though- should we all reconsider that one?

If your feelings tell you something look for a factual basis to find the truth?

Feelings have got me in trouble many times and also allowed me to imagine thinks that just weren't true. When I looked for facts I was much more balanced. This is actually why contact with my ex served me better than no contact- no contact allowed fantasy/ imagination to develop based on feelings. Contact slapped me in the face with the reality.

I can totally relate here Maria!

So... .  Trust your own gut feelings and your own reality; If something feels wrong, it probably is.

I can honestly say that while I would agree with this at first glance? I've made things worse for myself because my imagination gets the best of me! I can really spin it in my head and get myself allllllll worked up, and then? find out (facts) that I was so totally way off base in my own head!  So, what gave me the 'sense' that something was up? What triggered me?  My gut feelings have served me well all of my life, my instincts are good, other people trust me, come to me for advice, I'm awesome in a crisis, and now? since I met my pwBPD? my own self-trust is being challenged in ways I'm not accustomed to.

[maria1]

CIF- Absolutely- I'm sure it's to do with the Lonely Child people we are. I used to love day dreaming. Then I stopped, then in BPD relationship, quite late on, I remember asking my ex if he thought it was OK for me to have a little fantasy about us being together in the future, me and him and our kids. He had tried to get me to move to his town from day one mind you so me getting to this point was a big step for me. He said yes of course- don't forget the dogs we'll have too. Pretty soon we were over and done!

I've loads more examples where I've fantasised my own reality- maybe we should start a new thread though x

[Cardinals in Flight]

Yes, my lonely child!  I've several instances in my childhood that helped me 'reach out to' my inner lonely child, actually, several.

When I was 9, I saw my dad with his new woman, I waved, he turned his head from me, now, did he see me? I was certain he had as the proximity was just too close to not have seen me.

There aren't words to describe how crushed I felt.  There were several other instances throughout my life that were very similar, even into adulthood.

People have let me down in my life, important people, those who were supposed to "have my back"... .  enuff of that.  Anway, I know how I helped to ruin this r/s with my pwBPD and we are still in contact, so I have to constantly decipher what is me, and what is her.

[sm15000]

Trust your own gut feelings and your own reality; If something feels wrong, it probably is.

In the first few weeks I met my ex, I had a 'stay away' feeling in my gut about him. . .I've only ever experienced that same uneasy feeling soon on in one other person in my life.  I'm not sure my ex trusts his gut feelings. . .I don't think he feels relaxed/safe enough to trust full stop.  He's very 'in the moment' and quite hedonistic in some ways - he's more likely to go in head first to situations if it thrills him in any way.

Define and own your own boundaries, don’t engage in a fight or a drama about differences in opinion,  or try to change someone; just take care of your own boundaries. It may disappoint or hurt someone, but sticking up for yourself and taking care of your own boundaries is part of being an adult

I realise now (especially with him) I was quite poor at this.  I used the word boundaries once in a phone conversation after we ended and even down the phone I could hear him scoff at it.  He busts boundaries quite a lot with various people. . .I think to him, it's YOUR fault if you let him do that - and I suppose he's right.  In some cases (depending on the person and who they were, what background they were from) he would argue to the death over differences of opinion - there was an aspect of cerebral narcissism in him.  I got shouted at in the end "the trouble with you is you don't want the man you met". . .it would of helped if the man I met wasn't wearing a mask 

Don’t  stay and allow yourself to be screamed at, argued with, bullied, or manipulated.  All of these activities require our permission and/or our participation.  We all makes mistakes or miss the mark sometimes, none of us is perfect…but we do not deserve abuse

I never experienced the ranting.  He was far more coercive and clever with his manipulation.   I don't think he would allow anyone to treat him that way. . .his narcissim would rise up.  The one person that used to get away with ranting at him in front of others was his one ex - personally I believe there is a hidden secret there.

Don’t let anyone tell you ‘you’re crazy’ or gaslight you or bully you into believing your perceptions aren’t real or that all problems in a r/s are all your fault.  We are 100% responsible for our 50% contribution to any relationship dynamic, no more, no less

This is at the core of why I left. . .his attempts to skew my reality. . .it's an awful thing.  I wanted him to take accountability for what HE had done, I was willing to do the same on my account.  I NEVER mentioned he needed help or disorder - I knew this would be the worst thing I could do. I often questioned myself was I trying to pathologise him because he didn't (seem) to want me in the same way.  My answer was always no.  I did start to tit-for-tat and do the dance in the game-playing a bit. . .there was part of me that thought it would 'teach him a lesson'   

Don’t bend over backwards to be a people pleaser or need to be liked, agreed with or popular all the time. You are never going to please everyone and sometimes you have to say  no;  it’s unrealistic to think otherwise

I think we both had aspects of being people-pleasers.  He wanted people to admire him, mostly in his work environment.  He had an aspect of martyrdom in him that I don't have.  I laid myself wide-open in the end to believing my own hype from him though.  He put me - by all accounts - on a pedestal.  He said a funny thing once about when you're on the pesdestal, you can never fall off 

Don’t rescue other adults from their issues, behaviors, choices, or their own emotions. It is not your job to take this on

This was really hard for me not to do, especially when he was pulling at the heart strings.  He once described himself as a rescuer but he also puts other woman in place to rescue him from his emotions. . .he was full of self-pity and needs others to soothe his self pity.  I can recognise in some way at the end, I wanted him to stop my pain because he caused it.  Is that wrong? 

Be honest about your feelings and take responsibility for your own feelings

I wasn't completely honest with my feelings at the end. . .I was trying to be too stoic.  I thought telling him I loved him and wanted him would make me weak.  I didn't get the you can be honest but have boundaries - I do now.  I'm not sure if my ex can be honest about his feelings. . .they're shallow feelings anyway - if you're giving him what he wants, you are everything - if you're not, you are replaced with those who will.  I'm not even sure how or what he 'feels', exept the rush of a thrill.

It's been an interesting exercise, thanks 

[MaybeSo]

Sm15000

Interesting thoughts, thank you. The Thrill factor was a theme with my ex, too. Sigh.

Re: your query about wanting him to Stop your pain because he caused it. Is that Wrong?

No. In my opinion, it's not wrong.

However, I can share that I'm careful these days about the language I use and the way I use my thinking. I'm extremely skilled at telling myself things or asking questions that while can't intellectually be "wrong"... .  Cognitively it sets me up for suffering because it's usually about someone else whom I can't control.  I wanted my ex to stop the pain he caused in me too. But the reality is my feelings belong to me so I'm in the best position to attend to my feelings than anyone else. We can ask someone to help us with our feelings, but

the job ultimately rests with us. I spent a lot of time expecting my ex to make my feeling state better, but logically... He was usually the last person skilled in soothing my feeling state... He could barely sooth himself and when he did it was often through maladaptive coping skills. I don't ask my self anymore is it wrong to want something... .  I try to move to "is it likely?" or "is this the best way?" or " does it work?"

Is it wrong? Leads to ... ,no, it's not wrong, so if it's not wrong then  he really should... .  but he hasn't... So now I feel worse, even victimized

Does it work? Leads to... No, he is the least likely person to help me with my feeling state... .  (radical acceptance) so I can move to myself and others who can help me

On a deeper level, in 2010s posts she talks about how are ex's did not really cause our pain, that we came into the r/s already with a wound... .  from childhood... .  Our ex's were just the catalyst for further abrading and opening-up a wound that was there and already painful, though we had covered it or ignored it for so long we may not have been very aware of it. She also states that this unearthing of a painful wound is actually the gift of a wounding relationship.

[Cardinals in Flight]

Maybeso wrote... .  "On a deeper level, in 2010s posts she talks about how are ex's did not really cause our pain, that we came into the r/s already with a wound... .  from childhood... .  Our ex's were just the catalyst for further abrading and opening-up a wound that was there and already painful, though we had covered it or ignored it for so long we may not have been very aware of it. She also states that this unearthing of a painful wound is actually the gift of a wounding relationship."

If so? my wounds have been debrided, more than once!  It truly sucks to feel this pain all over again as an adult, but I suppose that in the actually feeling, 'blood letting' of the grief, we can bring an entirely different spiritual/soulful aspect of ourselves into any relationship, be it old or new. In my mind it makes me able to be even more vulnerable than ever, but in a more mindful way, if that makes sense? A vulnerablity with added strength... .  

[sm15000]

Is it wrong? Leads to ... ,no, it's not wrong, so if it's not wrong then  he really should... .  but he hasn't... So now I feel worse, even victimized

Yep, I think I did a bit of this    The positive thing is, in the end I snapped myself out of it.  I knew it would cause heartbreak but there came a point when it was a case of 'I'm not prepared to put up with this, and my pleas/offers to talk/trying to open him up got me nowhere but continuous circles - it was time to stop.

On a deeper level, in 2010s posts she talks about how are ex's did not really cause our pain, that we came into the r/s already with a wound... .  from childhood... .  Our ex's were just the catalyst for further abrading and opening-up a wound that was there and already painful, though we had covered it or ignored it for so long we may not have been very aware of it. She also states that this unearthing of a painful wound is actually the gift of a wounding relationship

Yes, I have seen that and it is a gift.  I was raised by my biological grandparents but they lied that they were my real parents until I was told (on a drunken night out at 17) by my niece (or biological half sister).  From there it was handled poorly.  I went to my biological mother - she basically rebuffed me (although I feel she couldn't handle the shame) and told me nothing.  I know virtually nothing about my biological father.  So, there it is - all replayed in my ex. . .he wasn't who I thought he was, he was a liar and a double life-liver. . .and I played my part in that.  But, yes - he did cause the pain that opened up the wound. . .and I do admit, that took me to a place in my mind I found quite frightening - I was desperate for him to TRY and ease some of that but his empathy was so impaired (if even there. . .I'm not quite sure if he has just learned 'appropriate' responses for stock situations) it alarmed me.

As a kid, from very young, I remember being aware that something wasn't right. . .when I found out I spent time after time putting together the jigsaw from all those memories that I was conscious of as 'weird'.   That is what I've done with my ex. . .all along those 13 years putting together those 'weird' things I'd seen in him, that now fit.

[Iced]

The sticking to your boundaries one is the one I had (maybe still have, but I have been careful about situations where my boundaries are tried and tested because I know I am still finishing up working through this last experience) the most difficulty with and it is the reason I got myself into the problem that I did.

I relaxed my boundaries that I normally wouldn't because I felt guilt and an sense of responsibility (the person was younger than I at the time and a minor and their parent was having major problems of their own and taking it out on them) that wasn't mine to bear in the first place.

When I should have politely backed off, I didn't, and I suffered a lot of verbal abuse on account of my lack of action.

Oddly, it wasn't necessarily the whole, "throwing their emotional garbage at me" that bothered me the most.  I already knew they were struggling with some issues (BPD did not cross my mind however as we had taken some time to become close friends and the beginning was not the same as the last few months) and at the beginning and towards the middle, I had a good grasp on my boundaries and level of attachment/distance and knew that what was being said wasn't directed at me and was a byproduct of their issues.  Also, I knew that if I stayed, the onus was on myself for staying in the first place even when I knew the situation was unstable.

What bothered - and still sometimes bothers - me the most is what, exactly, was said and how it was said.

Though I would not normally hold a person struggling with a severe mental disorder accountable for their actions in terms of blaming them, my former friend did everything they could to try and convince me that they were in their right frame of mind (I know what I am telling you and I mean what I mean, sort of thing) and all of their hatred, anger, anguish, was absolutely and completely rightfully directed at me.

They struggled so much to be rational while they threw insult after threat after insult at me and for some reason, desperately wanted me to believe that they were fully rational at the time... .  and I eventually caved and began to see them as being rational at that time... .  and in relation, accountable.

They MEANT what they were saying (according to them) and if they meant what they were saying that means they KNEW what they were saying and doing which means they were doing it on purpose to wound me... .  and this is the part (and the fallout from it) that I still struggle with on and off.

I can say with 95% confidence that after all this time, I can say that my friend was under the full effects of BPD and was quite possibly not in their right frame of mind and overcome with BPD.

They said what they said to get me to leave, perhaps, as emotional attachment on their end was highly destabilized, or they did it to 'test' me or whatever... .  Goodness only knows at this point and when it happened and when I finally dug in my heels and reasserted my boundaries and left, it became, "I HATE YOU, BUT COME BACK!"

Boundaries.  Man.  They're there for a reason!

On the other hand, I am also proud to say that I immediately checked myself in to therapy shortly after.  :)espite what happened and what I let myself go through by not asserting my boundaries, I knew that I had 'slipped' and probably could use a third unrelated opinion and a professional's listening ear and help.

The fact that I am still struggling on and off with lingering anger issues means I ought to be checking in again which I will be doing in short.