has your BPD ever seen the books you're reading?

[dani4]

I'm reading a couple of books on BPD, including Surviving a Borderline Parent. I post all the books that I read to Goodreads.com- I'm kind of compulsive about it. Anyway I decided that this book should be no different, so it's on my "currently reading" list. My parents are not on goodreads, nor is my sister (mom and sister are uBPD). But my cousin, who is kind of a nosybody, is on goodreads, and I saw that she added that book to her "to read" category right after I added it. She's a bit unpredictable... I probably should have realized that she would see what I'm reading. She might say something to my mom, but I doubt it. I think she is more likely to possibly say something to her parents (her dad is my mom's brother), but they would never say anything directly to my mom, it would just get passed around as gossip.

Or maybe not. I am probably overthinking/overreacting. Anyway I put what I am reading on a public internet site, so it's possible that my mom will find out and that is my own fault. A while back I had a book on recovering from a narcissistic parent on my bookshelf, and I found my mom thumbing through it once and she never said anything about it. So I suspect that even if it did get back to my mom, she would just pretend she didn't know- I think she would file it away in her brain and not even think about it, because it would be too painful for her to contemplate that I might think something is truly wrong with her. Or maybe she'll assume that I think it's dad- ha!

Another related question- my mom suspects that my sister has BPD and discusses it with me. My sister suspects that my mom has BPD and discusses it with me. They have never approached the other about their suspicions, and as far as I can tell neither one thinks that they have BPD (but I think they both do!). For all I know they are discussing me with each other, too, which would be hilarious. I have recommended to my sister that she read the books that I am reading, in the (very secret) hope that she will recognize herself in them and maybe do something about it. I may do the same to my mother, minus the Parent book (just Stop Walking on Eggshells). What do you think about this? Has anyone ever tried this- did it change anything? I know this goes against the whole "learn to accept and live with the situation, because you can't really change anyone" thing, but gosh it's so tempting...

[waverider]

My partner saw the difference in me and saw it was supportive. Now she knows I am studying on how to deal with the issues, even before the BPD diag it was addiction/alcoholism. She approves of this as she sees it as someone taking her issues seriously and making an effort.

It depends on the level of acknowledgement your partner has that they have problems, even if its not acknowledged as BPD.

If they think they are fine and you are the one with issues, then it would probably go bad.

Even so I would keep the findings to yourself and dont play the amateur T by openly comparing to what you have learned. Play dumb or it will be twisted and thrown back at you.

[daze]

Dani4,

I think Waverider is right. It depends on the person and his/her awareness.

My uBPDh (from whom I am separated but still have a relationship with) has seen my growing library of BPD literature. He knows that I think he has BPD traits and why, which I have only mentioned it a couple of times as a side note not as an insult. He is reading one of the books out loud with me. "The High Conflict Couple."  He also knows I am in therapy for my own issues.

It doesn't seem to bother him at all. He sees the improvement in the way I communicate with and relate to him and he appreciates it. In fact he wants to spend more time with me and work on our relationship - most of the time anyway.  

If you have good/decent relationships with your mother and sister and you can avoid triangulating with them, the books might help them both.

Daze