Sorry all,
I hate to use this forum to vent about my own personal life, but in all honesty, I'm not sure who else to talk to. I came across my ex's online dating profile today and it literally shocked me. I mean, I almost fell out of my seat. Since he so cruelly broke my heart, lacking any empathy for my feelings, I just have kept telling myself that he is incapable of real love. He told me repeatedly before we dated that he had always been single and lonely and that I was the best thing that happened to him. Then, he was done. Just told me he no longer felt the spark for me (after telling me that I was the love of his life)... . at the same time, told me he that he always just told me what i wanted to hear. The breakup got messy... . I was so hurt and angry while he kept playing victim and blaming me. He always had a support system of close-knit friends that stood by his side... . I never really had that.
A part of me secretly hoped that he would recycle me, or at least try to. But nothing... . never. If he ever missed me in the slightest, he never made it known. After two years of being together. I knew he would have a hard time dating because he's incredibly shy and insecure. But seeing his online dating profile made him seem normal. He's just like everyone else- he wants to find a girlfriend. He wants to find someone new. I've been repeatedly trying to find some
validation, but he really just didn't want to be with ME anymore. He was so good at making me feel that there was a mutual love there and now I know there wasn't. It just kind of put things in perspective seeing that profile.
I seriously hate that we have so many mutual friends... . i hate that my close friends are friends with him and see him on a normal basis... . and they don't care about the way he treated me at the end. I hate that he doesn't care if I'm in his life or not. And I hate that I legitimately want him to be happy, even after all the pain he's caused in my life.
Thanks for baring with me. It helps to write it out.
