My ex is still reaching out to me... I still love him

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

OK, so I get home from the gym after working out (I must say if anything good has come out of this nightmare, its that I'm working out regularly and probably in the best shape ever) and anyway, the doorbell rings.  There stands a delivery man with a huge bouquet of roses.  Gosh, I wonder who sent them? Needless to say, my ex is still reaching out to me.  The card reads, remember when... .  highlighting things we did.

What the heck am I suppose to do now?  Ignore it?  Email or text him and say thank you but you just don't get it... .  go away?  Try to be friends?  

I'm so confused.  I know he is like poison to my daughter and I but I still love him and miss him.  What a mess this is... .  

[healingmyheart]

OK, so I get home from the gym after working out (I must say if anything good has come out of this nightmare, its that I'm working out regularly and probably in the best shape ever) and anyway, the doorbell rings.  There stands a delivery man with a huge bouquet of roses.  Gosh, I wonder who sent them? Needless to say, my ex is still reaching out to me.  The card reads, remember when... .  highlighting things we did.

What the heck am I suppose to do now?  Ignore it?  Email or text him and say thank you but you just don't get it... .  go away?  Try to be friends?  

I'm so confused.  I know he is like poison to my daughter and I but I still love him and miss him.  What a mess this is... .  

[grad]

If you're in control of the r/s and initiated the breakup then suggest he seek therapy if he wants to have a r/s with you.  These people are toxic and will just repeat past behaviors unless treated

[Rose Tiger]

  Please check out this article... .  

Surviving a Break-up with Someone Suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder [NEW]

[elessar]

Sorry you had to go through this mess? You still love him and miss him... .  may I know how or why he is a poison to your daughter. Obviously, your daughter's well being comes first. But if you love him and he is reaching out to you... .  you can ask him why. Sorry, don't have a lot of details to work with here. But wish you the best 

[healingmyheart]

elessar,  He was verbally abusive to both my daughter and I.  He had a verbal match with my daughter which was like a light bulb moment for me.  Up til then, he had me convinced that she deserved to be treated that way and that she was a disrespectful teenager.  My daughter is a straight A student who is a picture perfect child.  She was angry over my ex and his inappropriate rages so yes, they did clash and I initially supported my ex... .  I chose a man over my own daughter. 

He also lied and deceived me by having an emotional affair.  The very person who introduced us (btw, she's very married), was the person he was having the emotional affair with.  She is in an unhappy, lonely marriage and she wanted to remain "close friends" after my ex and I got together.  I found out months after we got together that they had a "physical affair" as well.  I told him I wasn't comfortable with him being friends with her and he said he wouldn't talk with her again.  Well, I found him texting her at midnight for nights on end as well as calling... .  phone records were very helpful.  He tried to deny it even with evidence thrown in his face. 

Btw, he lived at my house for free... .  I paid mortgage, all bills, groceries and of course I cooked the meals, we always used my car with my gas... .  he had a darn good thing going and messed up. 

I feel used and I don't think he ever loved me.  If you love someone, you don't do crap like that.

[hithere]

What the heck am I suppose to do now?  Ignore it?  Email or text him and say thank you but you just don't get it... .  go away?  Try to be friends? 

Wow, sounds stressful!

I would agree about putting your daughter first.  If you can, try and ignore it, doing anything else will open the door a crack to a possible recycle.  You sound like you feel guilty for choosing him over your daughter, don't beat yourself up over it, you can only change the future, we all make mistakes.

[elessar]

wow that is rough. I am so happy to hear that your eyes opened once you saw how he was treating your daughter. Personally, I am the guy who would take any crap... .  but once someone is cheating on me... .  that is the end. That means they have abandoned us. I might even (in the worst scenario) tolerate a drunken one night stand. But emotional cheating is just abandonment and I don't think I will ever tolerate that.

Denying in spite of evidence should tell you what you should do now. You cannot forgive someone who don't even realize they have done something wrong, or just apologizing to appease you.

[healingmyheart]

elessar,

I agree... .  emotional cheating to me is worse.  My ex even admitted to me when we tried to talk about it that I was starting to lose him... .  well, he's lost me now because I won't tolerate it.  Now that I've kicked him out, he's trying to apologize.  But the apology is two fold... .  I'm sorry, yes I did it but It's also your fault because you wouldn't let go of the issue.  He still has to blame me for his lying, deceit and secrecy.  No more of this nightmare for me.  I know I can have a healthy, loving relationship.  I was married for over 20 years til my husband passed.  I know how to give and take and compromise.  I may not ever find that special person in my life but you know what... .  I'd rather be alone than with someone who doesn't treat me with respect.