smear campaign or paranoid

[broken but not beaten]

So I'm out of r/ship with ex gf nearly a month,lc and n/c for a week. Problem is we work together but I can steer clear of her which I have been doing... and... well I've been doing pretty good detatching. No attempt from her at re-engaging but she made a point as loud as she could in staff area about giving out her new number like she had to change it because of me,I've deleted all her details and made no attempt to contact her. Strangly though I've began to feel as though people are becoming hostile toward me,maybe hostile is a strong word but perhaps not as open and friendly as they once were. As I've read on other posts I shouldn't need to rely on others validation for my self esteem however it is uncomfortable,I recally her bad mouthing a lot of these people and now she has became really friendly with them,laughing so loudly and like a cackling witch I feel embarrassed at the falseness of it all. Maybe I'm being paranoid I don't know just seems something aint quite right somewhere,any thought? I will add last time she rejected me I did beg and plead due to my co-dependancy issues,this time I stood my ground for what I believe in but feel such a huge amount of hatred toward me

[Tormenta]

Hi, broken but not beaten!

I´m sorry that you are having a bad time, confused and wondering if it´s paranoia or maybe... .  

So, when she gave her new number, did she say that it was because of you?

Can you ask someone at work you trust if she is saying anything?

From my experience: I have the same situation at work - I mean, my BPDexbf work in the same plant with common coworkers and friends.

When he broke up with me, he started to act super happy and loud - but it´s only a phase, I think that he wanted to show - to himself - that he was OK. But I thought that people were not talking to me as before and I was going to be out of the group... .  until I was chatting with a group of his closest friends... .  they didn´t even know we were dating. It was all paranoia.

If you are not OK it´s normal that you act or look different without pretending it and maybe people are wondering what´s going on with you, if you are OK but don´t know how to ask.

On the other hand, in my previous company there was a girl, she was not BPD, but she had some serious issues. Long story short, everytime someone didn´t act as she expected, she spread lies and bad opinions to keep those people apart. Long story short, these things happen, and it´s acoso, it can lead to a bad situation, it´s not that you don´t need to be validated by others! It´s that you have a right not to be humiliated or harassed.



In my opinion, I would think that it´s paranoia but that it´s possible. If you hear anything about anyone don´t think that you don´t have to cope with that because you don´t base your selfsteem on others opinions, this would be a very different case! It´s not proffesional, it´s your right.

What do you think? How are things going on?

[broken but not beaten]

Hi tormenta and thanks for your reply... .  you raise some very good points in respect of her behaviour,I can't quote unfortunately but she does seem loud and happy... .  yes I do consider it to be something she is proving to herself. Her behaviour at other times is contradictive of that,for example if we are in a meeting she will try to avoid being in the same room if she can,we sometimes pass each other during the day and she looked at me with eyes which seemed so lost then immediately dropped her head. It really is a shame as I don't want to fight with her,I would like to let her know its ok to hurt but I wish her well in whatever she chooses in life. You also raised another good point about colleagues not knowing you was in a r/ship,yes I feel that also,we seperated last year and got back together after I had an accident,all she told me indicated she had told colleauges we had decided to try again it seems like psychological warfare. The best thing I suspect I can do is remain professional and respect her space as she seems uneasy around me,I'm not sure if its guilt or my presence triggers. Feelings she would rather suppress. Her immediate reaction after this last seperation was to re sign up a dating profile online... .  your response has made put things into perspective a lot better and consider I'm being slightly paranoid,it just hurts that she appears so happy and feels she need to let me know this in any way possible