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Skills we were never taught
98
A 3 Minute Lesson
on Ending Conflict
Communication Skills-
Don't Be Invalidating
Listen with Empathy -
A Powerful Life Skill
Setting Boundaries
and Setting Limits
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Author Topic: How to talk about last night? Help  (Read 444 times)
WorkingOnIt505

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 14


« on: March 02, 2013, 05:50:20 PM »

So last night my BPDGF came home at 3am and was pretty drunk. She kept telling me about how she turned this guy down when he asked for her number (felt like she wanted validation for being a good girlfriend because this has been an issue in the past). Then kept begging to give me a blowjob while I turned her down and she kept saying "why don't you love me?". Then, after eating and getting into bed she tells me she's going to die young and slit her wrists. Not okay... .  

Now, today, I want to talk to her about this behavior. Honestly, I don't want to be around her when she drinks and I want to confront her on why she kept bringing up not getting a guy's number. Any suggestions on how to bring up the suicidal and guy issues without having it turn into, "I haven't been drunk in a while"?

We don't live together, though she hasn't been to her apartment in a number of weeks (in terms of living arrangements she seems to be waiting for her lease to expire).
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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

HarmKrakow
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1226


« Reply #1 on: March 02, 2013, 06:04:10 PM »

So last night my BPDGF came home at 3am and was pretty drunk. She kept telling me about how she turned this guy down when he asked for her number (felt like she wanted validation for being a good girlfriend because this has been an issue in the past). Then kept begging to give me a blowjob while I turned her down and she kept saying "why don't you love me?". Then, after eating and getting into bed she tells me she's going to die young and slit her wrists. Not okay... .  

Now, today, I want to talk to her about this behavior. Honestly, I don't want to be around her when she drinks and I want to confront her on why she kept bringing up not getting a guy's number. Any suggestions on how to bring up the suicidal and guy issues without having it turn into, "I haven't been drunk in a while"?

We don't live together, though she hasn't been to her apartment in a number of weeks (in terms of living arrangements she seems to be waiting for her lease to expire).

Do this on a moment when she either feels good or comes back from having done something good Smiling (click to insert in post)
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elemental
aka "zencat"
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 789


« Reply #2 on: March 02, 2013, 07:33:57 PM »

She wanted validation Smiling (click to insert in post)

Validate her.

Did you read the workshops on the right, so you understand the tools here and how to apply them?

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WorkingOnIt505

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 14


« Reply #3 on: March 02, 2013, 11:13:09 PM »

Elemental, it was more the way she was saying it. Like, there was a sense she was wagging it in my face that people want her, it didn't seem to be a gesture out of honesty and happiness. It was unsettling, where in other situations she has been proud of not doing something questionable. I'm just confused on how to ask that without upsetting her. I guess I want to know I'm not reading into it and I certainly don't want to validate her holding the fact that she can have other guys but chooses not to. Very confusing situation but I guess I'll leave it for the time being.
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daze
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 272



« Reply #4 on: March 03, 2013, 12:03:41 AM »

I wouldn't take anything a drunk person says too seriously.

I would bring it up when she's in a good mood.

If this stuff bothers you, her moving in might not be a good idea.
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