Confused, she has shut me out

[Daveh]

I believe my SO has BPD as a result of talking with my T, he has only met her over Skype several years ago, when SO and myself were each divorcing our previous partners. But at a recent session that I went to (at the insistence of SO) and after reading a series of emails between SO and myself he told me that he suspected BPD earlier and that the 'text book case' emails confirmed it for him.

After researching BPD I can see traits in SO myself, but wonder if I am just finding them because I am looking for them?

About a month ago SO told me she was seeing a T and for me to have no contact with her, that she would not read any emails or texts, nor answer phone calls or listen to messages. I have sent emails daily sharing little things about my day and telling her I will always be here. However I recently got a reply telling me to keep my emails to essential emails only!

We have not spoken since, other than a surprise visit that I made to her (she lives about 700 miles from me) over Valentine w/e, which also happened to be my birthday! She would not show me any warmth and left  me at her  house while she went to scheduled appointment with T. She called when returning home to tell me that she wanted me to leave and for me to return to my home asap. (I did)

I am so thoroughly confused as to what I should do and just exactly what her situation may be. I love this woman with all my heart ( I did 35 years ago before we lost each other when we were separated by an ocean) and so want to help her smile and laugh again.

Anyone have any ideas or similar experiences?

Thanks

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[patientandclear]

Dave, that sounds super hard.

What has she said about why this is happening?  Has she shared her feelings at all, pointed to any issues between you?

[Daveh]

Dave, that sounds super hard.

What has she said about why this is happening?  Has she shared her feelings at all, pointed to any issues between you?

Yes, it is hard, I feel in such limbo. No feelings other than to previously say I don't listen, I lie, I am living in a fantasy, etc etc.

What precipitated this intense situation was my daughter posting photos on FB after a visiting me for 2 weeks (where she asked that my SO come visit while she was here) in an album tilted "friends and family"; there were photos of my ex and her new man but none of myself and my SO, (incidentally there were also none of my daughters BF)! I explained that my daughter probably had  more to post but it seemed to push my SO over the edge and she insisted it was a deliberate slight to show her how she was disrespected and my kids saw her as a slut and I was so wrong for not being able to see how I was being replaced by my ex's new man. I tried to explain, but of course there wasn't much point to that! My daughter even tried to contact my SO to say she was sorry if she had upset her but didn't mean to as she had more photos to post.

As an example of her refusal to see things she insisted that only her arm was in a photo when clearly she (and her face) are the only person in the photo!

Of course she can't see the photo because she has dropped both my daughter and I as FB friends! So she is able to still insist on her view point being correct.

I'm at a loss!