Potentially False Threats or Real Ones or Manipulation

[EmpathyBoy]

Hi all

Background: Sister BPD, Father NPD... .  had to move back in with both for a few months because of financial reasons.  Living there was hell, but I got a job and got out.

Well technically I was suddenly kicked out for my behavior aka my reacting to my BPD sister's crazy behavior or not willing to be a good and compliant punching bag(emotionally).  I had less than 4-hours on a Sunday before work and my father refused to even give me 24-hours, let alone a week or two.  I was paying rent equivalent too... .  so it was borderline illegal, but it was not like I was going to fight them.  It was pretty hard since I only had a single paycheck at the time.

Officially it was 10-days of a temporary involuntary relocation when I got the opportunity to come back (after fights over shower times, etc.) with another week "probation" until I was permanently kicked up by my father... .  the BPD whim NPD bully enforcer.

Fortunately... .  I got into and apartment and within 2-weeks (and another pay check) I picked up all my stuff and officially moved out (while staying at a flea bag motel).

Then eventually as Xmas came near they had this brilliant idea of family counselling... .  which initially sounded good until I realized it was a setup.  Some under-skilled social worker without any psychology knowledge to detect to PD's and that could be manipulated in a 2 on 1 unreality situation.  I stood up for myself and tried to get us to talk about reality, but they were not interested in actual reality... .  nor true emotions or empathy and it was just a setup.

Jump ahead and a bunch of times they asked me to come over to discuss things to resolve things was just more of the same B.S.  There was also a money aspect as I borrowed some off my father when I was broke and my sister who is 43 and is living only off my father's money sees it as her money and is obsessed about his will and tried to make me sign a document for far more than I owed him to be allowed to go to Xmas.

The whole thing seemed a pretext to have some justification to exclude me from my extended family at Xmas with a cover story to make me sound greedy and disturbed when it is the other way around.

On Xmas eve when I came over to discuss being allowed to come... .  they pulled that inflated paperwork on me while I was paying my father some money back and I just wanted a simple receipt.  I went over to some other extended relatives(who she had not totally poisoned yet) and made some off hand comments about both the being kicked out situation as well as the Xmas banning.  I wanted them to go, but did not feel I should keep this awful behavior secret from them or make them wonder why I was not going to be there, but did not want to keep them from going because of me.

I did not going into details as explaining things like shower times, me waking my sister up by cooking bacon or sausage turning into hours of ranting and raving seemed... .  well nuts and I felt it was private otherwise.  I just said there was a dispute between my sister and father and they could not put aside differences for Xmas to let me come (plus the were blocking me from seeing my other relatives too).

Well two of them decided not to go and claimed they were sick.  Which is fine as I also told them not to get in the middle of it... .  period.  But two months later my Aunt decided to bring it up to my sister and remind her how after being divorced from my Uncle... .  she was excluded a few years by the older generation and my sister was repeating history.

Well my sister went ballistic... .  got all holier than thou on how she was a child back then and had nothing to do with it... .  totally ignoring the obvious parallels.  She apparently talked or yelled at my Aunt for 2-hours by phone and said a bunch of twisted things about me... .  so then my Aunt was made at me(amazing how manipulative they are!).  Then she sent a 1300 word email going on and on about it because my Aunt sent her the message on FB and it was false character defamation or slander or some other baloney.

My aunt was extremely pissed and was also mad at me based on whatever lies my sister spun or exaggerated.  My aunt then refused to take down the posting... .  which was just a private message and instead listed 10 reasons she was not going to be bullied by my sister.  My sister asked me to try and get her to take it down.  Since it was doing no good as my sister saw nothing in common... .  I tried, but my aunt was dodging my messages too now(thanks sis!).

I left two voicemails, sent one email and two FB messages and asked her son too for the last week and that's all I could do.  I could tell she read my FB message and knew she was actively avoiding me, but my sister thought I should go confront this nice Aunt at her home unannounced... .  like a stalker and I refused.  Besides the fact it would be inherently wrong and harassment... .  why would I bully a woman whose only crime was trying to defend me.

Of course my BPD sister picks the you are on my side(ally) or are my enemy... .  and my NPD father backs this ridiculousness up.  I tried to talk some sense into them and even have my father apologize for how his family treated her years ago and ask her to take down the posting nicely, but instead they claim they want to get the police involved... .  over a FB posting that really does not imply anything that isn't true and is not illegal AFAIK.

I tried to talk them out of it, but both claimed they were going ahead with this... .  including not waiting 9-days until my cousin comes home and he said he would try and talk with his mother.  I even suggested they talk to him first before sending the cops to his mother's door(assuming they would even go) and they refused.

Sorry for the long preamble, but what is the likelihood they will actually do this? 

I tried to explain to them that they would ruin my sisters relationship with her two cousins and even worse by not talking to them first before such a heavy handed approach over a mostly mild posting that only implies something true about my sister and father's family.

Just as strange and manipulative... .  they tried to get me to warn (aka threaten) my cousins on their behalf and I plain refused. 

We will know in a week or so if they actually are this stupid or not, but I guess I am asking how to separate the false threats from the real ones. 

My sister has threatened my well being(beaten up), to kill herself(suicide), to destroy my job, to destroy my reputation(by spreading lies), my credit rating, etc.

I got some of it on a recording, but how do you separate the valid threats from the BPD fake ones?  The reputation threats are always valid and she is dumping on me behind my back for years anyways(while claiming the opposite).

[Kwamina]

I got some of it on a recording, but how do you separate the valid threats from the BPD fake ones?  The reputation threats are always valid and she is dumping on me behind my back for years anyways(while claiming the opposite).

Sorry to hear that you're going through all this drama with your family. Filtering out the real from the fake threats can be very difficult indeed. I have a BPD sister who has often threatened to kill herself to manipulate others in doing things for her or to get away with things. She has never ever made an actual suicide attempt though and after experiencing her threats several times, it became clear to me that she uses this as a tool or tactic to get what she wants.

The reputation threats and smear campaigns are very difficult because in my experience, people with BPD often put on a mask when they're with outsiders. Even when you tell the truth about your BPD relatives to the outsiders, they often are unwilling or unable to believe it because they have never seen that side of your relatives before.

[EmpathyBoy]

She has never ever made an actual suicide attempt though and after experiencing her threats several times, it became clear to me that she uses this as a tool or tactic to get what she wants.

That's my theory too and I include my father as well as my sister in this.  If I counted all the times my sister made threats(but never followed through) to try to get her way over the years... .  well it would be quite a lot.  This is especially true if there is a chance it might hurt her baloney public reputation or as she sees it.

Mind you she has gotten worse lately and is now willing to make scenes in restaurants... .  where before she would not do that.  The line has moved.

At this point it is moot and my Aunt... .  who is potentially BPD herself (the NPD/BPD male/female coupling is quite common) is complaining on FB that she is being harassed by my family.

In my sister's case it can be seen as true as she wrote this awful email that just ranted and raved for like 1300 words, but in my case she is being unfair IMHO.

I stepped in only to try and resolve the matter.  In the last week I left her two voicemails (5+ days apart), two short FB messages and a single email under 500 words that was pleasant and just asked her to deescalate the situation and delete the posting my sister was going bonkers over.

This will prove to be an interesting test of how crazy, manipulative or plain full of baloney my sister and father are.  My aunt did not mention the police showing up at her door today... .  so we shall see, but I am going to leave the two drama queen's to their own devices now.