Difficulties with disengaging and healing

[yaryu]

I took the step to end my two year relationship with my DxBPDgf after realizing she only wanted me as a fwb/friend on the side while she experimented with her newfound sexuality as lesbian to bi.  She decided to find a man as my replacement  and is working to convince him to enter into a relationship with her.  It hurt me when I found out, but I also took it as my cue to finally let her go without abandoning her.  My replacement is a guy she met online who is supposedly wealthy but lives far, so I assume we had no chance to mend relationship against someone with deep pockets and giving her attention.  I say that because she's already set to get married and live it up.

We live right next to each other in an apartment complex, and I've taken the step to either move to different apartment or break my lease.  I was set firm to avoid her with little contact, but she tried to visit me last night and started texting me asking why our love died, how she misses me and loves me.  She asked to help her by being her friend, and she loves me as a friend, we can be there for each other, as a friend.  She made it clear what my status will be to her.  She said she was lonely and hungry.  I started to feel sorry for her.

I took pains to stand my ground, really, and be cordial, validated her feelings and not be sarcastic.  Though I did tell her that if she's lonely, she should perhaps contact her guy friend.  I think she expected I would go to her place and keep her warm for the night as I've done in the past.

I don't know how she want to be friends with me while trying to catch her Mr. Right.  I decided not to ask this, because I don't think she's capable of understanding why it bothers me.  It's been rough, I do worry about her and want to make sure she's ok.  Of course, I still love her.   On the other hand, I'm not her partner anymore, and I think she should direct all her desires onto this guy. 

I have to be honest, it brought me comfort she still wants me on some level.   But later I felt bad she's suffering, and can't reconcile the feelings she has for me.  It makes me wonder if she was even capable of handling a being in a relationship in the first place.  I always thought I was doing good by being there, but now, all she's doing is suffering.

[yaryu]

I apologize for the mistakes.  My brain feels like a dump these days.  I'm burnt out.

[Rose Tiger]

  It's hard to go NC when she is right there.  It might be best for your own sanity to stay elsewhere for a few days, don't respond to calls/texts/emails to wean her away from having easy access to you.  It's time for shields up and protecting yourself because she can't stop herself from breaking boundaries and it's harmful to you right now.  

Is it possible for you to clear out to some place else for a day or three?

[yaryu]

I will go to my parents for a little while when I'm not doing my work here at home.  Thankfully, she leaves me alone during the day.  The evening is when she starts getting depressed.  She's been relying on her mom and her new guy for help.  I imagine she only attempts to contact me when there is nobody else.