What hurt the worst

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I can't figure out what hurts the worst - knowing she didn't love me, the affair, the distancing and moving on so quickly, the chosing another person over her family, the blame of making me feel like this is all my fault if I only loved her more.  For me it all hurts but the knowing she didn't love me hurts the worst.

[cal644]

I can't figure out what hurts the worst - knowing she didn't love me, the affair, the distancing and moving on so quickly, the chosing another person over her family, the blame of making me feel like this is all my fault if I only loved her more.  For me it all hurts but the knowing she didn't love me hurts the worst.

[Rose Tiger]

   Pretty crazy world, huh.  Knowing that some people can be broken this way is fairly boggling.  Who knew that being able to love another is a blessing?

[SarahinMA]

Yeah, I agree.  He claiming that he loved me and that he would always love me- then devaluing and discarding me... .  that hurt like crazy.  When I see him now and he either pretends like he doesn't know me or couldn't care less if I was around feels like salt in the wound. 

I read somewhere when they say they love you, it's actually them saying "I need you to love me".  My ex would repeat it all the time... .  our relationship got so bad (enmeshment, maybe) that I got to the point where I needed to hear it. 

I think it just hurts to know that I was with someone who could go from one extreme to another so effortlessly.  I was that expendable to him. 

[Discarded26]

Yeah, I agree.  He claiming that he loved me and that he would always love me- then devaluing and discarding me... .  that hurt like crazy.  When I see him now and he either pretends like he doesn't know me or couldn't care less if I was around feels like salt in the wound. 

I read somewhere when they say they love you, it's actually them saying "I need you to love me".  My ex would repeat it all the time... .  our relationship got so bad (enmeshment, maybe) that I got to the point where I needed to hear it. 

I think it just hurts to know that I was with someone who could go from one extreme to another so effortlessly.  I was that expendable to him. 

I hear you. Think that's why it's the worst, there prob out there getting there new 'supply' as we sit here 

[blecker]

I have known addicts to walk away from their families, children, and pets and do unimaginable things for their next fix.

I have come to know that the majority of these people Loved their families as much as you and I. Our definition of and feelings about Love were familiar.

But the compulsions and obsessions associated with their disease fenced the objective and subjective aspects of Love. They simply could not help themselves.

My X Loved me with all her heart. She simply could not help herself with the never ending overwhelming fear of abandonment that founded her personality. A toddler's needs in a womans form. Like the addict, it is hard to totally blame the person and not see the power of the disease.

[mango_flower]

What hurt the most is that I gave her this pure heart, never been broken, was scared of relationships, she broke down all my barriers... .  made me believe she was the real deal.

I experienced what I thought was true love, after years of thinking love was for other people... .  

And then she stomped on my heart and broke it into a thousand pieces!

And she didn't even mean to.  Argh.

[wanttoknowmore]

In fact, pwBPDs have an advantage that they can detach instantly and easily and can move on quickly to a new partner. We, nonBPDs get attched to our loved one and have to go through grieving process. In a way, pwBPDs are more like animals, say a dog, who will miss his ownerr for a few hours when separated and then quickly becomes happy in the new place and doesnot seem to miss his owner anymore. pwBPDs can say one day "You are love of my life. I will love you forever" and next day "i hate you. I need to move on... Dont call me again." giving nons a shock of their life.

Unfortunately, the cycle mostly repeats with the new partner if at all they get close intimately.

Not remembering or missing a loved one is due to their difficulty with object constancy... out of sight out of mind... their brains are wired that way.