I need to accept that maybe he just can't see it. It is so hard -- acceptance that is. I just need to accept that we just cannot do this. What is i hard for me is I keep blaming myself. I can always find something that I did that could cause the problem. Which in turn lets him off the hook and fills me with resentments later. He makes me feel like a bad person. And I doubt myself. I am tired of doubting myself. Is that bad?
Oh boy... . this sounds familiar.
So... . no, you are not a bad person... . and examining your stuff doesn't have to mean putting yourself through torture. Ouch!
Two weeks of bla bla bla... . I've done that, too. It sucks. But, I did it. I should have stopped sooner, right?
Here are some idea shifts that might help.
It's not all your fault, never has been. You do not cause all the problems. No why? Because you just are not all that powerful. Could you have done things differently? Sure, me too! But... . no matter what, you are not responsible for this person. His happiness. His unhappiness. Or his life. There's only one person responsbile for that, and that is HIM. Not you. Period.
And, he is not repsonbile for your happiness. Or unhappiness. He's not THAT powerful, either.
So, chat if you want to chat, then stop when you need to and you have had enough.
Or go NC again if you need to.
Make amends, but don't give a pound of flesh... . there's no need. You are not that powerful.
Listening to someone verbally vomit would become insufferable to ANYONE after two weeks. It won't fix him or make him better or change him, anyway. My experience is that more verbal vomit just begets more verbal vomit.
He has to do that for himself, by taking care of himself, and the same is true of you. You can practice having love and acceptance of him as he is... . AND do this with whatever distance you need... . AND do this while taking care of YOU as your top priority.
