Thanks for sharing.
Would you mind telling us what you did to continue on getting past your ex in the tough times?
I experience good moments and weak moments
Hi Fakename, this forum helped me immensely. I mean I truly believe it turned me 180 around and put me on my healing path! I lurked here for months not posting but absorbing all the advice. Nights and nights when I couldn't sleep reading back through post after post. It was the only 'friend' I had that understood the hell I had found myself in. :'(
So in the tough times I came here. Also I do wonder whether we have to reach absolute rock bottom to start bouncing back, because that is when our brains accept
no this cannot be
all my fault, something is really wrong here and I can't/don't have the energy left to fix it.
I held firm onto the thought of being lucky to escape, I celebrated that, I started to put myself first. Instead of treating him as a king I tried to treat myself as a queen. It's really really hard, when your brain knows all this but the rest of you is still thinking about him.
In the tough times I did whatever I felt I needed to, I really allowed myself to process. I was in something akin to PTSD. I did take sleeping pills to sleep, and made myself get some fresh air at least once in a weekend. We tend to lose ourselves along the BPD way. I had to relearn myself and what I needed and liked. i think it is important to replace all that overstimulation and frenetic energy 24/7 with something else. I went from being 24/7 to NC, that is a big fruit-loopin change.
When I had nothing to do I went to my box where I had put things I wanted to get around to; books, magazines, games, wine, recipes. So I either spent entire weekends in bed or did something I enjoyed. There are no rights or wrongs to it. Except to contact him. That is a no-no for me personally.
i made a pact with myself that if I contact him then I am accepting the bad behavior so it is my choice. There are no half-way deals or friendships with my ex. The menu is NC and peaceful calmness or contact and crazy, my choice. The crazy being painted blacker than black was the most traumatic experience of my life, so it really isn't a choice! NC period.
The fact is that slowly day by day it does get better, and brighter. Because even without the fireworks, my life is true color an not an illusion.
Your words about how it gets better is what I need to hear tonight. I'm looking forward to the tranquility and appreciation of life anew.
SouthernBelle: this is why I post! This is the only place of its kind for people like us. I don't believe anyone can understand this properly unless they have experienced it firsthand. Not even our Ts. This is why we need to support one another here.
SouthernBelle i am sure you will appreciate that tranquility like never before soon I promise. It is the best best feeling.