fresh start.

[mitchell16]

after session with T with yesturday I feel somewhat fresh and sommited to fresh, new start. Im still broken hearted, still very sad over the end of this relationship but with My T advice. I have really relized that it has to end and I cnat fix it. She wont try to fix. I would like to say im NC but really she is the one that ended. After he night of drinking and her having a serious melt down. She sent me a text the next day telling me that she wanted to end the relationship. Of course I tried to talk her out of but she refused to take my calls. I briedly saw her today at a distance but she just turned her head. It was starneg because it didnt bother as bad as it usually would. Since she has pulled this break up routine about 10 or 15 times. This time it was diffrent tho she has never had what I call a melt down like this. But I do relize that her melt down could have been worse. I think at this moment I feel the pain and lose of something I invested so much time and energy into just go away. I think I mourn the lose of what was (in the begining) and what it could have been  if she had jiust got help and just wanted it as bad as I did. But I think my goal will be to start some online classes, I used to love dogs but gave them up since this relationship started. I think I will get me a dog. I used to paint but gave that up also. So I have some small goals to try and start with. In the mean time I will be praying for no attempted to recycles. I cant change my number becasue of work and even if I did she could still get through the job. But I dont think it will be nesscary since I think this is what she has wanted for awhile but my T says that dont be surprised if she attempts some contact in future. He has been right before. So my plan is NC and remind myself of what can she say taht will be diffrent then the other  10  times. nothing. empty promises.