The BPD Power

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I have just recently learned in the past few months that my now ex gf is a BPD.  I can get on this board and associate almost all of her negative behaviors with experiences others have on this board, BPD tell tale traits and certainly say SHE HAS BPD.  Then as soon as I am with her I know she is exhibiting those behaviors but she manipulates me into thinking i am wrong and she is normal just by being in her presence. Has anyone else experienced this?

[trampledfoot]

I have just recently learned in the past few months that my now ex gf is a BPD.  I can get on this board and associate almost all of her negative behaviors with experiences others have on this board, BPD tell tale traits and certainly say SHE HAS BPD.  Then as soon as I am with her I know she is exhibiting those behaviors but she manipulates me into thinking i am wrong and she is normal just by being in her presence. Has anyone else experienced this?

[Southern_Belle]

Oh yes!

I have ADHD. I've known for 21 years and have done much to change my behavior and not let the ADHD get the best of me. Of course, I still struggle with it at times. However, I feel like I've come a long way in these past 21 years.

My exBPDbf latched on to the issue of my ADHD and made me feel incompetent, silly, and stupid. I was at fault because because I was "soo ADHD" and had no clue about anything! It made me feel like I was the one with the problem.

Did your ex gf attack you latch onto any of your own personal issues or insecurities and then use them against you?

[GreenMango]

Hi welcome!

How are you two?

[Southern_Belle]

Hi GreenMango!

I'm alright. I said my goodbye and walked away from the BPDbf tonight. He was in a rage cycle and I've had enough. To salvage my sanity, physical health, and self worth, it was best to detach and leave for good this time.

And I'm feeling good! 

[GreenMango]

It's hard to walk.  Looks like you have good boundaries against abuse tho!  Sounds like a long road with him.


What about you trampledfoot?  Your name is pretty suggestive you ok?

[Tired of it]

I experienced this.  The first "fault" that I displayed I heard this:

"I thought you were perfect.  I don't know you.  You are just like the rest of them."

Then that would always come up.  She even called me a few names and when I told her about it, she said it never happened.

[trampledfoot]

Hi Green Mango:

Nothing to the screen Name just one of I have used for years.

Yes I am doing alright.  My problem is when I am not around here I can generally step back and analyze her actions/demands and talk with others about them and I can see them for what they are absolutely ludicrous rationalizations by her that no "normal" person should bother with.

However, when I am with her I am drawn to her and I feel that she is able to use my love for her to manipulate my thoughts and me.  I begin feeling bad for her and more so feeling like I am 150% at fault.  As I am currently broken up with her now I am doing well and hope to stay away for good.  However, I have tried this so many times and I have been unable to stay away. As the period of NC lengthens I begin losing sight of her irrational behavior and only focus on the good and we inevitably get back together. 

Is this just me or do others experience this?

[trampledfoot]

Southern Belle

coincidentally I also have ADHD but she never used that against me. One of her favorite games to use against me was to devalue all of my life's accomplishments.  She has had little or no accomplishments in life and also has literally no goals or ambitions.  The basic goals she may have finding A JOB she claims are impossible.  I have been fairly successful so far in life so she loves to blame all of success on blind luck or that I had a mountain of advantages that she never had.  Which by the way is not even close to the truth.

One of the biggest issues of our relationship was her complete lack of confidence, ambition and drive to become anything or do anything in life.  3 months into our 2.5 year relationship I asked her what her goals were.  She didnt know how to respond and started crying... .  I should have exited stage left then. 

2.5 years later and she claims its impossible for her to get any job other than being a waitress despite the fact that she has a college degree.  Now mind you I have done everything i possibly could to help her in this aspect with the exception of actually going to the interview for her.  All of my efforts to help or give advice ALWAYS ended in an arguement.

[GreenMango]

Hi Green Mango:

Nothing to the screen Name just one of I have used for years.

Yes I am doing alright.  My problem is when I am not around here I can generally step back and analyze her actions/demands and talk with others about them and I can see them for what they are absolutely ludicrous rationalizations by her that no "normal" person should bother with.

However, when I am with her I am drawn to her and I feel that she is able to use my love for her to manipulate my thoughts and me.  I begin feeling bad for her and more so feeling like I am 150% at fault.  As I am currently broken up with her now I am doing well and hope to stay away for good.  However, I have tried this so many times and I have been unable to stay away. As the period of NC lengthens I begin losing sight of her irrational behavior and only focus on the good and we inevitably get back together. 

Is this just me or do others experience this?

Oh I think it's real easy to forget the rough parts in the relationship after an extended time apart.  We start waxing nostalgic on the good stuff only.  Did it here many times.

So how long have you been apart?  How many times have you gotten back together?

[trampledfoot]

Green Mango:

We have been "together" for 2.5 years. I have honest lost track on the number of periods of time when we had at least a week of NC.  However, if we only count long breaks of say a month or so I would say probably close to 6 in 2.5 years. Just a week ago we broke up again this time I am hoping for good unless she gets therapy.  The issue is i never knew about BPD throughout all the other breaks until know.  This lack of knowledge led me to think it was all my fault and this girl i loved so dearly i was losing because of my inability to make her happy.   

[GreenMango]

It's pretty hard to make someone else happy in that sense.  We can do little things that can affect a person and make them smile, but that long term-deep seated content or happiness is a totally different story.  That kind of happiness comes from within.

Unfortunately, that kind of contentment isn't really a hallmark of this disorder.  It's like chasing the proverbial carrot.