Where do I start?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi everyone!

I'm new to this message board. I joined last week and posted in the Introduce Yourself section of the forum. At first I didn't know which section I'd post in. I thought it would be in the Undecided forum, but here I am now.

My story is similar to all of yours. When I read the forum, I think to myself, "I dealt with the same exact thing!" or "I experienced that, too."

I fell in love with someone who has BPD. We had a relationship for 3 years and lived together during some of it. For a good portion of our relationship I didn't know he was BPD. I had never done any research about it and didn't have the knowledge of the disorder as a reference point. So, I made many mistakes!

On the other hand, we had A LOT of good times together and he could be very tender and loving, too.

Then there were other times... .  the raging, extreme jealousy, projection, splitting, and lying. Some of his behavior was outright abusive! 

With him it seemed like left was right, up was down, and I didn't know whether I was coming or going with him. Everything I did was never enough. Total crazy-making behavior!

He hated all of my friends and had no interest in getting to know my family.

He'd get angry if I went out of town, especially to visit my family.

One thing about his raging is he hardly, if ever, did it in person to my face. At home he never yelled, screamed, or "got in my face." Nor did I ever feel unsafe in his physical presence. His anger rages would happen when we were apart and I'd get them mostly via text messages. He just goes off on text messages. 

I asked him to move out this past July and he went back to his home state and moved back in with his mom. His mom disliked me from the beginning. She hated that I was older than him (14 years his senior) and she constantly harped on the fact that I have ADHD. She never tried to learn more about me either. She made snap judgements and believed them to be truth (I now see where he gets that trait from).

We've continued on with a long distance relationship since July. In the past few months his rage cycles have been more frequent and intense. We were making plans for the future and during this last rage, he fired off text messages about what a btch and horrible person I am.

I'm worn out and both my mental and physical health have begun to suffer. It's time to leave. I tried before during the past few months, but was not ready to let go. Now I feel a peace about it and know I'm making the right decision. Of course, who know how I'll feel in two weeks time. I might be missing him badly then... .  or maybe not.

[Southern_Belle]

Hi everyone!

I'm new to this message board. I joined last week and posted in the Introduce Yourself section of the forum. At first I didn't know which section I'd post in. I thought it would be in the Undecided forum, but here I am now.

My story is similar to all of yours. When I read the forum, I think to myself, "I dealt with the same exact thing!" or "I experienced that, too."

I fell in love with someone who has BPD. We had a relationship for 3 years and lived together during some of it. For a good portion of our relationship I didn't know he was BPD. I had never done any research about it and didn't have the knowledge of the disorder as a reference point. So, I made many mistakes!

On the other hand, we had A LOT of good times together and he could be very tender and loving, too.

Then there were other times... .  the raging, extreme jealousy, projection, splitting, and lying. Some of his behavior was outright abusive! 

With him it seemed like left was right, up was down, and I didn't know whether I was coming or going with him. Everything I did was never enough. Total crazy-making behavior!

He hated all of my friends and had no interest in getting to know my family.

He'd get angry if I went out of town, especially to visit my family.

One thing about his raging is he hardly, if ever, did it in person to my face. At home he never yelled, screamed, or "got in my face." Nor did I ever feel unsafe in his physical presence. His anger rages would happen when we were apart and I'd get them mostly via text messages. He just goes off on text messages. 

I asked him to move out this past July and he went back to his home state and moved back in with his mom. His mom disliked me from the beginning. She hated that I was older than him (14 years his senior) and she constantly harped on the fact that I have ADHD. She never tried to learn more about me either. She made snap judgements and believed them to be truth (I now see where he gets that trait from).

We've continued on with a long distance relationship since July. In the past few months his rage cycles have been more frequent and intense. We were making plans for the future and during this last rage, he fired off text messages about what a btch and horrible person I am.

I'm worn out and both my mental and physical health have begun to suffer. It's time to leave. I tried before during the past few months, but was not ready to let go. Now I feel a peace about it and know I'm making the right decision. Of course, who know how I'll feel in two weeks time. I might be missing him badly then... .  or maybe not.

[tryingtogetit]

Thanks for sharing!

To get to your question: I found it best to start with myself.

And whenever things go haywire, I reflect back and find it's because I haven't be true to myself.

So, I'd suggest you start with giving yourself a rest. Don't let anything he sends you spoil your day, detach and slowly discover what defines you and what person you want to be. Then let any response or decision be a true reflection of the person you aim to be.

And give yourself a good pat on the back when stay true to yourself when things around you get ugly!

Good luck!

[LoveNotWar]

Southern Belle, I'm sorry this has been so difficult for you! No wonder you're wore out!

Sometimes no contact can be the best way to get some space to heal and gain perspective. Only you know what's right for you!

I have a saying on my wall "Be so strong that nothing disturbs your peace of mind".