Would any of your BPD partners try to get better?

[fakename]

My ex didn't admit and I don't think she knows she has BPD,

But would always meditate and read eckhart tolle books and I thought would try to improve herself. She was also a fan of preaching to others what they should do or how to live their lives and just doling out advice regardless. Sometimes I thought she was a hypocrite.

Maybe she just didn't want to be with me and so treated me the way she did?

[fakename]

Maybe she just needed a fresh start with someone to try to better herself?

[Ruthy2]

No he enjoys the ups and downs,  normality and consistency sounds like hell to him and yes mine also believes he may be different with someone else.

[honesty2013]

As far as my ex BPD gf is concerned I was e one with issues. No accountability and denials

[hithere]

She had moments of clarity and she would say she was going to change, get help, etc... .  but those passed and on to the next crisis (that she created).

I have said it many times before, I think there is something about this sickness that does not allow them to see how badly they are behaving because it would hurt them too badly.

[clairedair]

I have said it many times before, I think there is something about this sickness that does not allow them to see how badly they are behaving because it would hurt them too badly.

My ex was able to acknowledge how badly he had treated me.  I think though that it was too hard for him to face this about himself so instead of really working on that, it was just easier to withdraw from me or leave me and start a new brightly-coloured, shiny relationship with someone else. He's not even with the first girlfriend - who was 'perfect' for him based on what was allegedly missing from our relationship.  I think that he hurt her so many times that he had to move on from her too.  Now very involved with girlfriend No2.

fakename - I don't think you were badly treated because she didn't want to be with you.  I think you were badly treated because she didn't want to be with herself.  Easier to take it out on you.

[fakename]

hey clairedair,

but that doesnt explain why she treated others better, or put in more effort with them

[have gone nc]

only people she wasn't close or intimate with, BPD is a relationship disorder, so people who they only see briefly now and again do not trigger them, you have to understand its because you was close to her that you triggered her abandonment/intimacy issues.

The people she put in more effort with is because she would crave a relationship with them and attention from them, but she would think that it wouldn't trigger her when she got it. But it would once she had got close because her abandonment issues would kick in because then there is a chance to lose that person/relationship.

This is why generally a pwBPD generally have very quick rebound relationships, because they love having somebody close, but they always trigger once they have it. They start to think they will lose this person so test them to see if they are commited, But its usually in an abusive way and the other person generally gets exhausted or fed up and leaves " depending on how codependant they are usually determines how long they stay "and then the person can say " I knew they would leave me, i was right! ".

But the next guy/girl will be different i hope... .  rinse/repeat

Its very sad for all involved, but you need to look inside yourself and see why you got involved in somebody who is emotionally unhealthy, just so like me, you do not  repeat this again... .  

I have had my ex on the phone today absolutely distraught and begging me back, i could fix it in an instant and she would be happy again, but then the abandonment/intimacy issues kick in as soon as we are back in a "relationship", you have to be extremely strong, and its a ver

[have gone nc]

<sorry, pressed send by mistake>

very difficult position to be in especially if you are a "rescuer" like me.

To much power over someone elses emotions for my liking... .  

say yes - shes happy and i get hurt

say no - i dont get hurt but she stays distraught and feels abandoned.

horrible

[clairedair]

hey clairedair,

but that doesnt explain why she treated others better, or put in more effort with them

Hi fakename - are these others that she treated better other romantic relationships? 

My ex does not treat close friends badly.  He's a good friend. He's a good colleague at work. He's a good dad. He's a good sports team-mate. 

It's his relationships with romantic partners, his own family and some of my family that are up and down - the ones that he was close to.  Interestingly, the members of my family that he has painted black (they get to be white very occasionally these days) are the ones he was closest to for most of our marriage. 

[fakename]

yes i'm referring to 2 guys she was in r/s's with before me. and always saying she was trying to get over them while being with me... .  which really makes me feel like i was just a rebound... .  even the new guys she just started dating. she puts in more effort

my ex also treats her family and colleagues well. always treats nieces and nephews very well. and goes out of the way to be considerate for people in need.