Finally saw my exgf... left feeling anxious :/

[Seb]

Arggghh... .  

Saw my exgf tonight for the first time since she dumped me 9/10 months ago (we've been NC ever since, initiated by her). I had always thought I would eventually see her, being in the same small city as her, but almost 6 months of being here and nothing, I had started to think that I might get away with not ever having to see her since I'm only here for another 4 months.

Anyway, on the way home from school tonight I drive down this side street slowly to get on to the road up to my house and I pass her as she jumps off her bike. We make eye contact, I must have looked so stunned/shocked. I carried on driving and that was that, a second of eye contact.

It's left me feeling pretty bad tonight, and I can feel myself getting anxious at just the thought of seeing her.  So strange to think that this was once a person who was 'madly in love' with me, to going to not even acknowledging one another. Urgh! Just feel like I need to get this off my chest tonight - hate feeling so rubbish!

[mango_flower]

Totally relate.  If I get a text from ANYONE and see that I have a new text come in, I start feeling really anxious - same with emails.  Urgh, horrid feeling.

Do you know what it was about the situation that made you anxious?  It's sometimes hard to pinpoint, I know. 

How else did it make you feel?  Sad?  Weird that it wasn't all natural and friendly? 

It always feels so strange... .  like a stranger, yet you know them so well. x

[have gone nc]

You cannot know somebody who doesn't even know themselves. Impossible.

If you had spoke to her she would be different now depending who she is mirroring because people with this illness do not have a sense of self.

As far as getting texts and emails and feeling anxious, just change numbers and block email addresses... .  most people do not do this because they secretly want to get some validation that they are wanted back... .  I was guilty of this once but in total denial of it. I just made excuses why i couldn't... .  " can't because of work " etc

[j4c]

I too can relate to this Seb. I've also been split from my uexBPDgf around 9/10 months and in late October I randomly saw her for the first time in 5 months after going NC (her choice). I offered her a lift home and she accepted. It was so weird, my heart was going 10 to the dozen and she looked so beautiful! During that 5 months i had been so depressed it was awful - this girl almost destroyed me, but her behaviour towards the end of the r/s led me to the internet where i stumbled across BPD... .  and then the penny dropped. 

Talking to her briefly that night helped me in a number of ways. I cant deny at that point i was still in love with her but it felt like i was talking to a totally different person from the one i fell in love with. For me it was as close as im ever gonna get to closure!