I used to not know her and got along in life just fine.

[Tired of it]

I have been thinking about something that was posted before I read it. 

SELF ESTEEM and SELF WORTH

The common theme amongst those who post are that we forget who we are.  We forget that we used to not know these people and got along in life just fine.  It is the fact that we sacrafice our own self-esteem, beliefs, values, etc to accommodate to a feeling we all "thought about" and "wanted" before we met them but were doing just fine without and perhaps would be doing much better if we had never met them.  We have to realize that there is nothing wrong with us but the whole plan was to make us believe that.  Getting back to loving ourselves is what it is all about and remembering that we used to not know these people.  Easier said than done but we really don't need therapy.  We need to "man up" and get back to who we used to be.  Being alone wasn't a problem before.  Remember that!

As I stated earlier and as my friend used to tell the girls who wanted to end relationships with him... .  "We used to not know them"

[Somewhere]

Dunno about the Man Up part.

Done that in a prior life -- Combat Arms Officer, Advanced Degrees, etc., etc.   Per Solomon -- Chasing the Wind.

If and after Mrs. Somewhere . . . which is not something I really plan or ever want . . .  I would like to go to something, somehow, better. 

Not back to before.

[Rose Tiger]

I needed big time therapy.  Because I kept hooking up with the same types of partners.  Something was very very wrong with doing the same things over and over but expecting different results.  It's better to work through stuff than to stuff it down, that's how you get rheumatoid arthitis by keeping things all bottled up.  That's my theory anyhow.

[Tired of it]

I'm talking about being able to handle being on our own before we weren't on our own.

[Rose Tiger]

I see what you mean, there was a time that we didn't know them and we were doing fine.  You are right.  We can get back to feeling that way and hopefully even quite a bit better.

[Tired of it]

I agree Rose, there is something wrong with doing the same things over and over which I experienced with my ex over last year, BUT, when I first met her she showed her signs of being unbalanced and my reaction was "see ya".  I didn't even think twice but at that time we had only spent one day together.  It was after I saw her a year later and stayed for my own selfish reasons and then decided to try and be there for her that it was jacked up.  You know what it is crazy about it.  The night it ended, I broke it off and went home.  A month had passed and I didn't even think twice about it.  She even asked me if I wanted to come watch a game and I didn't reply.  Then one night she text me NEVER CALL ME AGAIN, DELETE MY NUMBER, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR A REASON TO MOVE ON AND I HAVE IT.  Why that bothered me, despite me being the one to leave, I still don't know.  I guess because somewhere I figured we would end up back together.  I don't know but I do know that I jump in relationships with both feet and always will but I also used to be able to jump right back out if it wasn't right.  

[HarmKrakow]

I needed big time therapy.  Because I kept hooking up with the same types of partners.  Something was very very wrong with doing the same things over and over but expecting different results.  It's better to work through stuff than to stuff it down, that's how you get rheumatoid arthitis by keeping things all bottled up.  That's my theory anyhow.

The girls I hooked up with previously are all fine. One is now a math teacher, the other becoming a shrink, another owns a beauty salon.

They were also different types of girls.

This one, the ex w BPD does not fall in this category.

[Tired of it]

My ex is a NICU nurse and makes dang good money.  I wish mine was a low life in a financial sense but that makes her all the more dangerous. 

[Rose Tiger]

I'm not sure what careers have to do with personality disorders... .  ?  All my ex's live in Texas, just kidding, that's a song.  All my exes are successful in their careers.

[HarmKrakow]

My ex is a NICU nurse and makes dang good money.  I wish mine was a low life in a financial sense but that makes her all the more dangerous. 

I ofcourse meant that my exes arent looney's like my previous ex.  Interesting part is ofcourse that I did go for one. And the f@cked up part is, I didn't need a gf at the time. I was on the top of my leaugue.

Until i met her. I sometimes am so afraid that I cant get my old self back.

[HarmKrakow]

I'm not sure what careers have to do with personality disorders... .  ?  All my ex's live in Texas, just kidding, that's a song.  All my exes are successful in their careers.

What I meant to say was that they turned out fine.

[Somewhere]

Toi -- One thing is for sure --

Very hard to drive forward while looking in the rear view mirror like you seem to be.

Just saying.

How are going to go anywhere forward when you do not seem to know where you want to go?

[OTH]

It is the fact that we sacrifice our own self-esteem, beliefs, values, etc to accommodate to a feeling we all "thought about" and "wanted"

Why the sacrifice? What is the feeling? Why did they bring that feeling out in us?

We wind up posting to a forum with a bunch of strangers with similar problems. Kind of an odd place to wind up. We all want to know how we got here. It can be a bit confusing.

[HarmKrakow]

It is the fact that we sacrifice our own self-esteem, beliefs, values, etc to accommodate to a feeling we all "thought about" and "wanted"

Why the sacrifice? What is the feeling? Why did they bring that feeling out in us?

We wind up posting to a forum with a bunch of strangers with similar problems. Kind of an odd place to wind up. We all want to know how we got here. It can be a bit confusing.

Funny isnt it? I still remember my ex BPDer telling me I had BPD .

Our bond at this forum is similiarity. It keeps us together, it's a sincere shame I didn't find this forum sooner.

[Wooddragon]

I think I'm a better person for this experience - horrible as it has been. My ex used to say that you don't always get what you want but sometimes you get what you need! My relationship with myself and with non romantic others has improved from before because I am a lot more mindful - I live more in the moment now & I have given a lot of thought to my values & expectations of others. I don't take it personally now if others don't meet those expectations or have their own "issues". I would much rather be single than continue to repeat my destructive relationship pattern, but if I do meet a great person some time in the future, I probably needed this trauma & self reflection in order to be a balanced, confident & happy partner for them. I have had to agnowledge my part in how that sorry mess played out.  Blessings come in many forms. My ex is a monster. He knows that in his true heart & is condemned to live with it. Over & over again hurting those that love him the most... .