I really don't understand what just happened. If anyone can explain that would be great. And if anyone has tips on how to handle this situation, please please do share!
As I've shared on this site before, my boyfriend has BPD. He's had issues with going to his "best friend's" house while he's painted me black (which is every 3 weeks). This is also the girl he's been sleeping with on the side without me knowing. Until he left his email open on my computer (for me to read?) and I got to read the emails between them on the subject. He did that again today actually and I got to see so much more.
Anyway, since December he's been talking about marriage and moving in. He moved in two weeks ago. It was quite timely as he has lost his job and was unable to afford his apartment (that was in the same complex as this other girl). Everything has been great since he's moved in. Fantastic actually.
I fell back into the spell hard. Then last Saturday came. He hadn't slept in a few days by that point and was grumpy. I wrote it off as actual lack of sleep grumpy. Then he started being glued to his phone. I peer over and he's texting and emailing this girl at the same time! What? He hates when I ask about them (he gets quite angry and it always triggers an episode) but when he's in this mood I have to play into it. This time I didn't. I sulked for a bit and he noticed but I told him nothing was wrong. Ever since then I've had a horrible feeling in my stomach that a really big episode was about to happen. I saw he was getting upset that he couldn't tell me he wanted to spend the night alone, not see me, then go to her house.
Every day after that he became worse. We had plans Sunday to hike. He woke up at 10am, showered, came down stairs and said he didn't sleep all night. I don't think and go "aww no hike? I'm all dressed... . ". He immediately agrees to go. Then not five minutes later has painted me completely black. I tell him I don't want to go because he's tired and I'd rather spend our quality time watching movies on the couch. He get angrier! What? How? He tells me we are going, I say no I want to rest but it's up to him... . if he wants to we can, if not then whatever. That makes him over the edge frustrated/angry! He says, and I quote, "that's a loaded question. we need to go now. come on. it's not like you give a ___ anyway so go!". I start to cry and plead to not go but we go anyway and take the dog. The next night he begins to sleep alone in the other room and not talk to me when I get home after work. Wednesday we had a breakthrough and he was happy again. He had gone to the gym for 4 hours that day. It's one of the only things that keeps him leveled consistently. Thursday I'm the devil again. Today I come home to find out that he completely moved out. My stuff is strewn about all over the house, the driveway, and the front yard. He moved in a hurry! The only place he has to go is this girl's house.
He finally contacted me but everything of course is on his terms. He tells me he's no longer in love with me, his head is messed up, he hates my dog (says he loves her everyday!), etc. Then he says he's no longer my boyfriend and that we are still best friends. I ask where he's staying and he tells me his stuff is in storage. His only other option when he lost his job was to move into her house (because living with me chose one side over the other. what? yeah you were already on my side!) and to put his stuf fin storage. So he confirmed without admitting it that he's staying there. He's done that before with her. I ask him for my stuff back that he had in his old apartment that was still being cleaned out and to give me my house keys and remote. He says I will not be getting those things anytime soon.
Has anyone here dealt with this or heard of this situation? It's seriously messed up and I don't know how to properly handle it with him and his disorder. I know he will never lay a hand on me, that's not a concern; I don't want him having access to my house if he's no longer with me and now with someone else. Period. But when I said those words he became angry and told me he is no longer talking to me tonight and confirmed that I will not get those items. How do you talk to a person like this while they have painted you blacker than black and have them do something for you? Oh and he owes me a little over $1k. I know I'll probably never see it but I would at least like to get my property back so it's not a full loss. Please help! I know I am not going to go back into this relationship... . I cannot for my own sanity. If anyone has any advice to deal with this that would be great too. I know I need to be strong, go out, get therapy... . and I'm trying my best to do all of that starting in a few days after I'm done being so sad, angry, hurt, and confused. Understanding that this love/hate treatment isn't normal is hard since I've dealt with it for so long and have fallen so deep into the spell.
Thanks everyone and sorry for rambling!
