Shes taking out credit cards under my name

[DontGiveUpOnMe]

I found out my mother has several credit cards under my name. She says shes doing it so I can have good credit and she always pays them on time

But I still dont feel comfortable with that. I told her that I have a right to not have my name under credit cards without my knowledge, she says that she told me and maybe she did but I am not comfortable with it. She said I was disrespecting her and to shut up and she can do whatever she wants.

I'm not sure what to do. 

[GaGrl]

This is identity theft. Get a copy of your credit report and contact each financial institution holding a card she opened. Close the accounts and make sure the fin institution is clear on whyyou are closing the accounts.

Your mother will be angry. That's too bad. She has violated a HUGE boundary, and it's not just your boundary -this is illegal. She considers you a child that she can control - not an adult with your own financial life and responsibilities.

I hope she does indeed pay the balance each month... .  if not, you may have a credit mess to clean up.

[redroom]

 

I totally agree w/ gagrl.  Annualcreditreport.com is a (actually, the only) website that will let you check your credit report for free.  You can get one report from each of the major bureaus (equifax, experian, and transunion) per year for free.  I like to stagger mine so I view one report every four months, but it may be in your best interest to view all three now. 

After you close the accounts, go to one of the websites of the major bureaus (e.g. transunion.com) and ask them to put a fraud alert on your credit profile.  That way, it'll be almost impossible for anyone to open an account in your name (you can open an account yourself if you have a current fraud alert, but there'll be more hoops for you to jump through.  Think of those hoops as protection.    )

You don't need to contact each bureau, because when you ask for a fraud alert w/ one bureau, they'll automatically extend it to all three bureaus.  It's free, and it will last for 90 days.  Then you can renew it. 

It might help you (and maybe help your mom "get it" if you change your perspective a little.  She didn't steal from you or defraud you; she defrauded a bank.  That's a big deal.  You're not liable for anything.  You didn't do anything wrong. 

How you need to proceed depends on what kind of damage she's caused you already.  If she hasn't caused any yet, just close the accounts and ask for a fraud alert.  Depending on how much damage she's caused to your credit, repairing it may mean that you need to file a police report somewhere along the line.  Are you willing to that?  Do you still live with her? 

[DontGiveUpOnMe]

So I checked my credit, actually she has been making the payments and my credit score is good. Yet, I still dont want illegal activity involving my name from either parties, my end or my mothers end, because with it being my knowledge of her doing this I feel equally liable even if I am not.

Shes impossible to talk to, She wont listen to me at all, she just keeps saying "who pays your bills"

but its not about that, Im grateful... .  but I just cant deal with all of this. Id rather it be my fault that I mess up my credit than someone else's

This is so hard for me, I dont want her to get in trouble, but I want to fix this.

[P.F.Change]

Take care of you first.

Do whatever you have to do to protect your identity and your credit. It is not fair for her to manipulate you and use you. If she gets in trouble, that is too bad, but it is not your fault. She is responsible for the natural consequences of her actions.  You have to protect yourself or she will bleed you dry. You deserve your own life, and that includes your finances. I think it is healthy that you are looking out for yourself.

Wishing you peace,

PF

[ScarletOlive]

Hi DontGiveUpOnMe, you've been on my mind lately.   You have a right to feel upset and to set a boundary telling your mom not to use your name illegally. Indeed, this is your life, your name belongs to you, and you have a right to handle your own credit.

Can you call the bank and cancel the credit cards she made in your name? Whether or not you are grateful to your mom for paying your bills isn't the issue. Your credit and future is at stake, and it is an invasion of your boundaries for her to use your name illegally.

Sending you much caring and support.

[Clearmind]

DontGiveUpOnMe, on a personal level, I had not realized just how enmeshed my relationship with my uBPDf was.

Enmeshment can contribute to us being blind sighted about what is right/what is not. You may well know its not right/illegal in fact, however you are maybe accustomed to protecting your mom from herself and preventing yourself disappointing her - may feel "safer" to ignore it and hope it all goes away.

To separate the facts from the emotion.

If a friend was to do the same thing your mom has, would you accept it?

Would you, do what your mom did to a friend?

On an emotional level - fear, obligation and guilt are hurdles but not impossible to heal from. You are not your moms keeper. Maybe its time to begin to separate what your own moral standard is from your moms?