BPD Relationship as your first RS

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Is anyone else in this position? I'm 23 and my BPDex was my first serious girlfriend - and thus the only relationship measuring stick I have. This might explain why its been so hard for me to get over (5 months out) - and maybe why I tolerated some of the weirdness. Like most of us here though, I knew something wasn't right in our relationship even though it was my first. Has anyone else struggled with this situation? Have you progressed to more functional serious relationships?

[goodguy]

Is anyone else in this position? I'm 23 and my BPDex was my first serious girlfriend - and thus the only relationship measuring stick I have. This might explain why its been so hard for me to get over (5 months out) - and maybe why I tolerated some of the weirdness. Like most of us here though, I knew something wasn't right in our relationship even though it was my first. Has anyone else struggled with this situation? Have you progressed to more functional serious relationships?

[fakename]

Haha. My ex was also my first serious relationship. I never really believed in getting in one unless I was going to make it last forever. That's one of the reasons why I didn't want to give up and fought so hard.

The only other baseline of relationships I have are of short term dating. Which I think is a different animal.

So. A BPD relationship being my only relationship has really confused things for me to say the least. When I tried dating after her (which I did too soon without healing) I found myself dating in a manner similar to what our relationship was like. I was moving way to fast.

[GustheDog]

Same boat.  I'm 27, have had a couple relationships in the 4-10 months range - nothing intense, no love, amicable endings, minimal pain.  Then my 2.5-year BPD r/s - closest to any sort of "rock bottom" I've ever experienced in my entire life.  I'm also 5 months out, and doing much, much better.  But still not even close to fully healed.

I'll be carting around some serious baggage for a long, long time.

[elessar]

yup. I am 27. been crazy about this girl since I was 15. finally dated her when I was 20 but she broke up few months later (no BPD symptoms till then). Did not date anyone after that because I never really got over her. She came back 4 yrs later (2.5 years back) and then I experienced the usual BPD roller-coaster ride. Shes been gone for nearly 7 weeks and right now she's trying to get married... .  or should I say, she is trying to find husbands on an online dating site.

So, thats the only girl I have loved... .  12 years now, and have no freaking idea how to get over her or forget her. Still love her deeply, still remember all the things she did for me and all the ~ she took for me. But can't forget the bad things she did either. And can't forget this humiliation she has put me through the last 7 weeks.

[mtmc01]

Same boat here. Met her when I was 26, we were engaged within a month and together for over a year. Before, I'd just been in 2-6 month relationships where I was never very heavily invested and usually did the breaking up. It sucks and makes it pretty difficult to envision trying to attempt a "normal" relationship not moving at warp speed. 

My story: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=196605.0

[WT]

Add me to this list.  I was with my ex for over seven years and she was/is my only relationship.  It's definitely making me cautious about how I'm going to approach my next relationship.

[elessar]

One part of it being our first relationship is that they were our first love. Some of us fell for them in school, some of us have known them or been with them on/off for years. I don't think it is ever easy to get over your first love. And BPD ex being your first love or true love makes it so incredibly harder. For some of us, they were our best friend in school and college before their symptoms started appearing. Personally, I see every week one friend or acquaintance getting engaged or married to their best friend. And we are left wondering with all the questions and shattered dreams.

[mango_flower]

Yeah.  Well she wasn't my first relationship, I mean, she WAS... .  but I'd had short term "seeing somebody" relationships, but never actually being somebody's girlfriend, part of a couple, etc etc... .  

I now feel like I don't know what's normal anymore.

Example: The other day, I asked one of my friends where her partner was (they're a same sex couple too) and she said "Not sure, probably having an evening in".  And I was like "What?  You don't know what she's up to tonight? How come you're not seeing her if she doesn't have plans?" and she looked at me strangely and said "I don't see her every night!".  And I was shocked.

Because I saw my ex every day, from day 1.  I don't think there was an evening/night we were apart, until after we'd moved in together and she was sent away to a work conference.

I think the loss of a first love will always hurt the most.

But at least many people get to look back with happy memories and remember the sweet innocence of it all.  But not us, I guess!  We're just left feeling confused and like it was all just crazy... .  and not knowing what was real!  Hmph.

[SarahinMA]

Yep... well, I had seen others, but he was definitely the first guy I was fully vulnerable with and let down all my walls.  I can say he was my first real love (I'm kind of a late bloomer).  That's why it's been so hard to move on, I think.  The emotion was so intense, it's hard to determine was normal anymore.